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Toronto Gets North America’s First Sex Doll Brothel

As someone who has masturbated using all manner of techniques and sex toys, full size silicone dolls really intrigue me. The high cost of ownership however quickly drenches the fires of my curiosity. Plus, how would you even store something like that when you aren’t using it?

Whenever I travel for a couple of days I worry about somebody stumbling upon one of my normal sex toys. The idea of trying to hide a human-sized fuck doll would give me all kinds of anxiety. Maybe if they made one that transformed into a flesh colored chair that I could hide in plain sight, but realistically there’s little chance I’ll ever get to try a fuck doll.

Unless I traveled to Toronto’s new sex doll brothel.

Canada’s biggest city got North America’s first brothel specializing in renting sex dolls by the hour. With the prospect of trying ketchup chips, Nanaimo bars, and fucking a life-sized silicone doll in a single trip, Toronto may be the destination for my next vacation.

The last sex doll brothel we read about was opened in France earlier this year. The businesses are popular in Europe were fluctuating prostitution laws make running a conventional brothel difficult. Rather than try to fight the red tape and constantly file for new permits and licenses, many entrepreneurs find it easier to just buy a few high-end sex dolls rent them out.

For Aura Dolls in Toronto, the idea is to cash in on the convince of their location and people’s curiosity by starting the first business of its kind in North America.

According to their website they have six different dolls to choose from with rates as low as $80 for a half hour with one doll to $480 for four hours.

What someone would do with a rented sex doll for four hours is honestly beyond my imagination but I’m damn proud of Canada for making it possible.

A local councilor went on record as stating the city would be throwing every legal option possible at the owners to prevent them from opening a sex doll brothel. This opposition really confuses me.

So long as they also invest in a high-pressure steam washer to keep the inside of their dolls clean and sanitary, it sounds like a sex doll brothel wouldn’t hurt anybody. Having the first one in the continent could even boost tourism.

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Man Gets Finger Stuck In Vending Machine Reaching For Sex Toy

One of the hallmark disappointments of my youth was opening a box of cereal only to find the promised toy inside was missing. Before the advent of advanced quality assurance robots, it wasn’t uncommon for them to leave the factory without one. Being the youngest also lessened my chances of getting first crack at that Captain Crunch decoder ring but regardless of the reason, few things burn as uniquely in adulthood as missing out such a prize.

Having a vending machine fail to drop a sex toy you paid for might come close.

This was the problem a Chinese man identified only as Zhu encountered when he paid for a sex toy from a vending machine, but it failed to drop down. Where most people would have shrugged it off and walked away, Zhu wasn’t about to let the machine get away with stealing his money and his prize.

After the machine’s customer service representatives were unable to help him retrieve his purchase, he decided to stick his fingers inside to fish it out himself. Unfortunately for Zhu, his hand became wedged inside the machine and he was left with his fingers stuck in a sex toy vending machine. Oops.

When emergency services arrived, they used a cutting wheel to remove a section of paneling on the machine that was trapping the man’s fingers. In total he spent about 20 minutes stuck inside the machine although he didn’t suffer any serious injuries. Hopefully he managed to retrieve his sex toy since they went through the trouble of cutting it open.

Frankly the most interesting part of this story is that other countries have sex toy vending machines.

In the United States we call sex toys novelties and we can only buy them online or from a sex shop. For anyone super concerned with privacy neither option is ideal, especially if the website you buy your pocket pussies or vibrators from uses less than discrete packaging.

Vending machines seem like the ultimate convenience for someone on the go who really wants to fuck a palm sized glob of silicone without anybody else knowing about it- at least so long as the machine drops your purchase correctly.

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Married Couple Tries To Conceive Baby Anally For 4 Years

Like Michael Jackson, the Wayans siblings, and other famous entertainers I grew up in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I eventually fell away from it and by the time I was out of high school my parents didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to. However, due to the conservative attitudes towards sex I did turn out to be a bit of a late bloomer.

I have no intention of getting into the tenants of the faith but let’s just say that in addition to never having a birthday party or receiving a blood transfusion, I was also denied any sexual education in school that required a permission slip.

My parents probably thought I would figure it out from any anatomy class I would have a long the way. They also knew I would get the gist of it from movies and other family members and at the very least I would work it out by the time I got married. It’s not like anyone has ever gotten through years of marriage without figuring sex out for themselves. Oh, wait.

A married couple from China’s Guizhou province recently went to the doctor after being unable to conceive a child after four years of trying. A quick examination revealed that the woman was in fact a virgin and the couple had been having anal sex for the entirety of their marriage. Oops.

The couple were most likely from a rural community where sex education wasn’t an option. Judging from the solution they came up with they also probably didn’t watch any porn.

We once read a study from the University of West Chester, Pennsylvania that claimed declining marriage rates in the United States were a result of pornography consumption. They argued that porn was one of the primary substitutes for marital sexual gratification that effected one’s decision to marry. Though we weren’t sure if the study’s logic was sound, at least those people would probably know what a vagina is.

Dr Liu Hongmei treated the couple from Guizhou and said that while rare, it isn’t uncommon for this kind of thing to happen in certain parts of China. After explaining the basics of sexual reproduction, she presented the pair with a couple of handbooks and sent them home.

A few months later the couple sent news to the doctor that her guidance had worked and they were expecting a child.

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Where Did Harlot Cum? NYC Day Trip

My wife and I will follow Amanda Palmer to the ends of the earth.  That’s not exactly true, but we will travel anywhere within a 200 mile radius to see her perform.  People tend to have a love/hate relationship with the art that she creates. I happen to fall on the love side of things.

Two weeks ago, we went into Philadelphia to see her perform.  On the way there, we stopped by the aquarium and I got finger banged by the water.  Last weekend, we traveled north to New York City to watch her perform her There Will Be No Intermission show at the Beacon Theatre.  The Beacon is a really nice space. Gold paint covered statues cover the walls, murals are everywhere…but the seats are not as comfortable as the seats of the theater in Philly.  The show is a 4 hour emotional roller coaster so having comfortable seats would obviously be ideal.

We didn’t have those this time around, so we cut out during intermission (yes, there’s an intermission during a show called There Will Be No Intermission, it’s ironic. What of it?) and made our way back onto the streets of NYC.

That’s obviously when the sexy time adventure began.

We held hands and started walking towards the garage where we parked our car.  Everything smelled like pizza and garbage. Honestly, more like pizza but New York has this garbage smell that kind of hides out underneath everything in the air so it’s always present. Does the smell of pizza turn you on? Because it kind of really turns me on. My wife knows this so we stopped to get a slice.

We sat down at the table to eat and I felt her foot slide in between my legs.

“Are you seriously going to go all Flash Dance on me?” I asked.

“What’s that?”

I mean, I can’t even get mad at her for not getting the reference because I’ve never seen Goonies and people are always giving me bullshit for that.

“Please don’t fuck me with your toe while I’m sitting on this dirty ass chair in a pizzeria that doesn’t even sell the good stuff,” I requested.

She laughed and slipped her foot back into her sneaker.

After we ate, we walked another block or so when I decided to take her foot-in-my-vagina proposition as a cue. I stopped walking, pushed her up against a wall and started kissing her. She’s much more shy than I am about public sex when she’s on the receiving end, so when I tried to sneak my hand down her pants it was her turn to say no.

“Let’s just get the car and head home. We can mess around on the bed instead of on the street.”

But as she was speaking, I came up with another idea.

We got to the garage and gave the attendant our ticket. I pulled her behind one of the large cement pillars and put her hand right up my skirt.

“We’ve probably got like 2 minutes before the car shows up. Please make me cum,” I begged.

Her fingers worked quickly, like they always do. We heard the rumble of our car’s engine over head and the tires climbing up and over the speed bumps on the floor above us. I couldn’t cum fast enough though. The car pulled up, her hand was still down my pants and the garage attendant smiled at us when he handed her the keys.

Next time I’ll be quicker…maybe.

Image: Harlot’s Private Stash.

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First Fuck: Game of Thrones Spoilers Ahead!

Fap Along with Harlot: Brown Bunnies

Don’t Forget the Orgasms!

Where Did Harlot Cum: Aquarium Edition

I had a pretty baller weekend, Peepz.  My wife and I had a bunch of plans and ended up running all over two states for the better part of last Saturday.  We had plans to go to an Amanda Palmer concert in Philly, so we opted to hire a dog walker and make an entire day of it.

We got to the aquarium as soon as the doors were open.  There was a bum rush of families scattering in all directions, so we hung back a little bit and waited outside for the crowd to die down.  Instead of heading straight inside, we decided to go for a walk along the Delaware River, which is right outside the aquarium. It was the first day of warm weather in Jersey, so we were definitely enjoying the sunshine and being outside without coats.  

The breeze  kicked up and my dress shuffled in the breeze.  It didn’t exactly go over my head like Marilyn Monroe, but if anyone else was around, they definitely got a bit of a show, even if it was only for half a second.  

“Do you see anyone?  Because I don’t see anyone,” she winked and I obviously totally understood where her train of thought was going.  

I leaned up against the guard rail and put my arms over her shoulders.  We kissed for a few minutes and then both double checked to make sure that there was really no one around.  There were a few stragglers walking around right by the aquarium, but we were pretty sure that they wouldn’t be coming any closer or that they would be able to tell what we were doing.  She looked one way, I looked the other and then I balanced the heel of my shoe on the rail to give her a bit of room to move around under my dress.

There is nothing in this world that I enjoy more than having sex while I’m outside in the sunshine.  If I could only have one sexual scenario occur over and over again in my life, that would be it. I love how dangerous it feels and how free my body gets when I’m my pussy is just about ready to start pulsing.  

I kept things quiet, breathing heavily in her ear so that she knew exactly how I needed to be touched.  Her fingers kept working circles around my clit and just as I was about to cum, she dipped two fingers deep inside me and started fucking.  My knees went weak and I buckled a bit under the intensity of the sensation, but I was able to stay upright, thanks to that guard rail.

After I came, we slowly walked back to the aquarium and straight to the bathroom to wash our hands and get ready for the rest of that day’s adventure. We must have been glowing because three separate times, people commented on how big our smiles are. Sex will do that to you.  

Oh, and in case you give a fuck, sting rays are my favorite and my wife likes the penguins.

Follow me on twitter for more sexy stories and other meaningless quips about life.

Image: Harlot’s Private Stash

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Where Did Harlot Cum? Sculpture Garden Edition

My wife and I have been talking about our sex life a lot lately.  While we are super passionate about each other, some of the adventure has dwindled.  We used to fuck in my old office all the time but now we never do. Every time we would go out with friends, we would find a way to slip off into a bathroom stall with each other, but now it’s very rare that we find the time to do that. That’s part of the reason why I wanted to start this Peeperz series.  I think that it will motivate me to come up with new and exciting places to add to my Fuck It List if I am also writing about them and sharing the info with you.

This weekend, we went to a sculpture garden.  It’s basically an outside museum on acres of land with statues placed sporadically about.  When the weather is nice, it can get pretty crowded, but since it had been raining on and off, we basically had the whole place to ourselves.  At one point, there was a winding path that lead to a lake. There were statues of people picnicing, fishing and enjoying the nonexistent sunshine while they were frozen in time.  We sat down on our sweatshirts and snuggled with each other enjoying the view.

“I don’t think anyone is around, do you?” she asked me.

I listened, like really listened, for a few minutes and said, “No, I don’t hear anyone walking around at all.”  For a few more minutes we sat still waiting to hear a twig snap or voices coming towards us on the path.

We smiled at each other and she winked as she stood up and sat back down behind me.  She kissed my neck gently at first, then biting hard enough to make my breath catch. Her hand slid into the top of my dress, popping one of my tits up and over my bra.  I felt completely exposed and turned on. She pulled at my nipples and continued working my neck while I pulled my dress up over my knees and positioned my fingers inside my panties.  

I know you Peepz are aware, but I can cum fairly quickly, especially if I’m masturbating.  My ears were on alert and my eyes were darting all over the place, by I was totally focused on the building wave of pleasure that we were both creating in my body.  

“Pinch them harder,” I begged her.  

She twisted my nipples in between my fingers as I ran circles around my clit with my wrinkled fingers.  I was soaked and sure that there was a puddle forming on our makeshift blanket.

When the orgasm came, it was quick and intense.  My wife held her grip on my tits until she knew that I had experienced enough.  I leaned back into her and purred a thanks.

To keep tabs on Harlot and all her real life sex adventures, follow her on twitter.

Image: Harlot’s private stash

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Jersey Dentist Has Playboy Bunny Easter Display

Fap Along with Harlot: Four!

Is This Why Brad from Sales Was Such a Dick All the Time?

Pornhub Goes BeeSexual

Is Your Sex Long Enough?

For most of my life, forty-five seconds is about all it took for me to orgasm when I focused.  Obviously I know exactly how I like to be touched and what I like to be touched with, but even when I’m with a lover, it took much less time for me to climax than the average person.  Some people (most guys, if I’m being honest) thought this was great, but not being able to edge myself definitely took a toll on how I was able to experience sex.

If you ask the average person, they’ll say that they want men to take a long time before orgasm.  If a woman is involved in the scenario, it’s bonus points if she cums quickly. So premature ejaculation bad, quick cumming ladies good. If I had to gather a guess as to this twisting frame of thinking we’ve been forced to believe, it’s probably because the “manly” thing to do is to last for hours but because it takes a little longer to get to know lady bits, getting that over and done with as quickly as possible is the name of the game.

Ah patriarchy…there you are!

I am 100% guilty of doing this, Peepz.  

When I first started hooking up with my wife, I had to learn all over again how to please her body.  I think I was more worried about getting her off than I was on actually experiencing the pleasure. It was lame of me.  Even now, my wife feels slighted because she can make me cum quicker than I can make her cum. She feels guilty that it takes her so long, I feel guilty that I’m so sensitive that it doesn’t take me long at all.

Somehow, we’re going to find a way to put our guilt aside and realize that both of us have positives and negatives in the bedroom.  My quick orgasms are great for public sex situations. The less time her hand is down my pants, the less likely we are to get caught.   The fact that she takes a bit longer means that I have the chance to really savor every inch of her body.

I think that my advice regarding the duration of sexual experiences is to make sure that both partners are satisfied.  If you cum first, make sure that you take some time and help your partner reach their climax and I mean, that is if orgasms are even something you are both interested in.  Some people want to edge forever and never fully explode. To completely misquote Bobby Brown, “That’s their prerogative.”

Source: The Guardian

Image: Sophia Lomeli in Poon Tang Clan: Enter the 36 Chambers of Muff by Brazzers

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More or Less Sex

I had a dream last night that I was hanging out with my coworkers from my last job.  They all liked to party a lot, so we were at a bar dancing and making a nuisance of ourselves.  One of the guys ended up making out with this random girl and left with her.

The dream cut to a while later, when I was driving home with one of my girls.  My phone rang and it was one of the woman who was hanging out with us at the bar.  I picked up and she was like, “DID YOU GET ANY PLAY???”

I was confused so I was like, “I’m driving home, no action tonight,” but then she explained that she didn’t mean to call me, she meant to call the guy who left with the girl. The crazy thing about the dream was that when I hung up the phone, I turned ot say something to my friend who was driving the car and she had turned into the guy.  So like, I was the girl who was going home with him?

It was strange and totally in character for Harlot at that point in my life.

I’ve left bars with strangers more times than I can count.  Back 10 years ago, that wasn’t the norm for society, but from the articles that I’m reading that’s REALLY not what people who are dating do now.  I was reading through the Rolling Stone article linked below and it got me thinking about why that is.

There was a subconscious dialog in the dating scene for so many years where women owe men sex if they went on a date and it went well. That has always been a bunch of rubbish, but people on all sides of the gender spectrum fed into it.  I don’t owe you sex because you find me attractive. If I fucked you between 1999 and 2012, it was because I wanted to have sex. Most of the time it was literally the act of banging that I wanted, not the person that I ended up in bed with.  Sometimes carnal desires take precedence over logic, safety and love (or even remotely liking a person).

If people are having less sex, and I don’t necessarily think that they are, could it be because we’re focused elsewhere?  I bring my phone to bed every night, I don’t fuck my wife every night. I’m sure that those two things are related. I’m worried about scrolling through my social media feeds and keeping up to date on the latest perverse news, so I pay less attention to the cues that my wife is sending me while she is also scrolling.  

Maybe it’s technology that is the issue and not the actual humans that are engaging in the sex.  

Are you frustrated that you aren’t fucking or are you generally satisfied with your orgasming life as a whole?

Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on twitter.

Source: Rolling Stone

Image: Lena Paul in Pocket Asses by Brazzers

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Fap Along With Harlot: Pizza Time!

Last Years Official “Typo of the Year”

Let’s Talk About Sex on the First Date

The only person I ended up in a long term relationship that I didn’t bang on the first date was my wife.  Sometimes people read into that and think that the reason we were able to form a longstanding bond is because we didn’t finger bang each other within 5 hours of meeting, but I call shenanigans.  The reason that we didn’t fuck on the first date was because we both had our periods and we didn’t want to have to clean up a mess that early into an extremely passionate situation.

Sexual chemistry is huge for me.  I know that I’m pervier than the average person, but If we aren’t on the same wavelength in bed, I really don’t like to waste my time.  In the past, I’ve known if I was going to have sex with the person I was on a date with in the first 15 minutes. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I dated so much, or that I’m an excellent judge of character, but there have been very few times that I’ve been surprised by the chemistry I have with someone after I fuck them.

One of my major issues was the fact that I forgot why I only fucked them once and then ghosted.

Spoiler alert, if I ghosted you, the sex was terrible and I didn’t even want to bother saying goodbye.  I’m older and wiser now, and I realize that’s not a cool thing to do to people, but tell that to slutty 20-year-old Harlot who was only looking to get her rocks off.

We spend so much time getting to know each other over the internet, texting etc, that by the time you meet a person face to face, all you have left to figure out is if there is anything between you physically.  That’s the real reason people are having sex on the first date so often.

Dating has completely changed.

Baby boomers and the older folks want to say that we’re more promiscuous, but the fact is that we’ve cut the fat out of the entire romance industry.  We meet each other on websites and select each other based on pictures and profiles. Before we even lay eyes on each other in person, we have a metric fuck ton of knowledge.  

I realize that this may be a completely biased question, because you’re reading a porn site’s blog, but do you fuck on the first date?  Do you think that it’s more important to get a further feel for the connection you have with a partner before you bang them or do you go all in the first chance you get?

Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on twitter.

Source:  Inquirer

Image: Jenna Ivory in Money Talks by Reality Kings

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Cum Perfume

Have you ever wanted to smell like sex?  That guttural, primal, sloppy smell that makes your clothes fall off while your genitals are getting ready for some action?  Sometimes I miss the way it smells to have sex with a man, because fucking a woman and fucking a man do not smell the same way.  

In their perfume named Secretions Magnifiques, Paris fragrance house Etat Libre d’Orange has taken the smell of sex and bottled it up so that whenever you have a craving, you can smell just like sex. I mean, their address in Paris is 69, rue des Archives which basically means that when they were searching for their storefront, they had their tongue tucked firmly into their cheeks.  

I totally get that Paris is posh and sexy, but I love thinking about the naughtier, more dirty side of things.  The creator of Secretions Magnifiques, Etienne de Swardt says that he designed the perfume to smell like, “Blood, sweat, semen and saliva.”

Those are definitely a few of my favorite things.  Fuck raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

I never wear any makeup at all, but I am always wearing perfume.  I love the idea of a stranger walking past me, catching a whiff of my hair and turning back around to do a double take and ask me what I’m wearing.  You’ve got to wonder how many people are interested in smelling like straight up sex though.

How would you Peepz feel about smelling like straight up raw and filthy sex?  Would you wear that perfume or do you think it’s more of a novelty?

Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on twitter with your favorite scents.  

In the meantime, here’s a clip of a panty sniffing pervert to keep your interest piqued.

Source:  Etat Libre d’Orange and Vice

Image: Selena in Freaky Perfume by Reality Kings

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