Cosmopolitan Magazine is a constant source of amusement when it comes to sex tips. I mean, over the years they’ve doled out gems like: “casually scatter marbles all over the bed sheet for a wicked cool sensation,” “stop mid action and point to the camera you’ve set up in the corner” and “have someone hide in the closet and don’t tell your partner.”
To be clear, having sex over a bed of marbles sounds painful, but at least that’s an activity two adults can actually consent to, you know, unlike secretly setting up a camera or having someone hide in a closet. That shit is highly immoral and illegal, I hope.
In another bid to be, I don’t know, sex positive and of the moment Cosmo published an article describing the 7 different types of labia. You see, Mr Mofid Ibraheim, a plastic surgeon who has seen a lot of vadge in his day says that he’s been able to identify “7 key types of labia” and he was nice enough to share his findings with the readers of Cosmo, because that’s what we all need… a man who performs labiaplasties for a living telling us what’s what with our junk.
Before we jump in, let’s just clarify this whole labia business. First, there’s the labia majora which are the outer fleshier pussy lips. Then there’s the labia minora which are the thinner inner folds of the labia. Now that that’s cleared up let’s see what these 7 different labia types are all about.
1. Asymmetrical inner lips
Okay, the name pretty much says it all. Asymmetrical inner lips are where one side of the labia minora is longer than the other and hangs down past the labia majora.
2. Curved outer lips
Curved labia majora curve around the exposed labia minora, but will meet evenly at the bottom. Kind of like an upside down horseshoe.
3. Prominent inner lips
According to the good doctor, prominent inner lips are the most common type of vulva. Here, the inner lips are longer than the other lips. I’m thinking he thinks they’re the most popular because these are the kind of lips women feel self-conscious about, you know, because of the patriarchy.
4. Prominent outer lips
Some pussies have prominent labia majora that sit lower than the labia minora creating this puffed up look.
5. Small, closed lips
Here again, the good doctor says that small closed lips are the least common type of vulva “yet the most typically ‘desired’ one thanks to the fact it’s the shape that’s most frequently seen in porn – and on Barbie.” (Which is some bullshit if you ask me because labiaplasty isn’t exactly a popular procedure with pornstars and argh there are so many reasons why this is wrong!!!). Anyway, with this kind of pussy, the inner lips are completely contained within the outer lips.
6. Small, open lips
Similar to the small closed lips vulva, this pussy has labia majora that are somewhat opened so you can see the inner clamshell.
7. Visible inner lips
Visible inner lips, on the other hand, look like a ‘flower bud about to bloom.’ this pussy “will typically expose the inner lips through the entire length of the labia majora, which sweep to either side.”
Right, soooooo… this list is somewhat simplistic and full of crappy assumptions, but at least it tries to show some of the pussy diversity that’s out there. But, but, but what about asymmetrical inner lips that don’t hang down or what about fat labia majora with hidden labia minora? Or what about the million other combinations?!!!
Via cosmopolitan.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd
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