Lisa Ann’s New Brazzers Scene!

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Sexy-time Injuries

My wife fell off of the bed when she was fucking me last night. She’s cool. She didn’t hit her head or anything. I went from a prone, “moaning-because-I’m-about-to-orgasm” state of mind to a, “where-the-fuck-did-she-go” state of mind. I was cum drunk for like 5 seconds, which was enough time for my lady to get annoyed with the fact that I wasn’t helping her up off the floor.

I mean, sometimes it’s rough for me to go from orgasm to zero and back into consciousness. I blame her masterful fingers.

She was over being mad at me by the time I came back from the kitchen with some ice for her head. Instead of resuming the sexiness, we started talking about sex injuries and the funny (and not so funny) things that had happened to us while we were in the throws of passion. It helped her forget about the pain and eased my inappropriate laughter

I think my funniest sex injury story involved me trying to shoot an Xtube video while on roller skates. I was straddling the arm of my couch while fucking a pierced dildo…and my labia rings got caught up on the fake dick ring. There was a moment in the unedited footage where you can see my face realize that I’m in some kind of trouble. Roller skates and masturbation don’t mix if there’s no one else in the room to save you when you slip.

I couldn’t pull the dildo out of me because it was massive (like 9 inches long) and my pussy ring didn’t stretch that far. I couldn’t take my ring out without a pair of pliers or something…and then I’m half slipping all over the wood floor of my apartment because of the stupid skates.

AND all of this was before I made the jump from free videos to paid videos…so I was only shooting the clip for the satisfaction of a job well done.

I ended up finishing the video with an orgasm, waiting the appropriate 20 seconds for editing purposes and then I got the skates off one at a time. Once I was no longer nervous about ripping my fucking pussy apart, I was much more calm about the situation and I figured out how to dislodge the dick ring from my labia hole…because that’s where it was stuck. Not on my ring, but straight through the hole.

Fuck that, Peepz.

More common sexual injuries include vaginal tears and fractured penises. I’m honestly curious about how a broken dick feels. That must really suck.

I would love to know about your sex injuries, Peepz. I know that some of you are shy and don’t want to go publicly posting in the comments about this stuff…but my DMs on twitter have been lit up for the past few months with your perverse conversations and questions. Keep filling me up, Peepz. You know I love getting stuffed.

Source: NY Post

Image: Rock n’ Roll Nurse by Brazzers

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Masturbation Roll

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Fap Along with Harlot: Lennox Luxe

Lennox Luxe is a Sansa Stark look alike with some of the most perfect boobs in porno. My favorite thing about the way she performs is that she keeps her legs spread super wide in every single shot, which is really fucking hard to do. When I started snooping around for her porno, I knew I had to share a bit of it you my Peepz, mostly because you’re my favorite perverts.

I hand picked five of the sexiest clips I could find on PornHub featuring this lovely lady and her pale pink pussy. You ready to get off with me? Grab your fuck sock and let’s fap!

Taking selfies by the pool is totally my idea of a good time. Lennox gets snagged with her tits out in this fantasy flick. She looks sexy as hell while she’s lounging in the sunshine getting fucked without a rubber.

To prove my point about Lennox always keeping her pussy open for the camera, let’s take a look at this scene for Brazzers. She’s fucking on a hospital gurney, which is not a very stable platform on which to fuck. She keeps her toes pointed and her legs fully spread the whole time.

In this MoFos clip, she gets picked up in a parking lot and does some public flashing before heading back to the camera man’s house for a stiff fucking. Her ass looks pretty fucking amazing when she’s bouncing up and down on a dick.

Lennox shows off her titties in this Big Naturals clip. She sucks off her costar till he’s begging for some pussy. As always, she delivers the goods and gets off as well.

There’s a whole lot of slow, controlled pussy fucking in this last clip from Blacked. I can’t get over how sexy this chick is. Every move she makes is enough to make my pussy creamy.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. If you’d like a fap along of your very own, hit me up in the comments below or get in touch on twitter.

Image: Lucky Lennox by Reality Kings

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Review: “Invictus” an Erotic Voyage into a Dystopian Future

Someone Please Buy Me Fuck Socks for XXXmas

My sock drawer is a virtual time machine. I still have the socks I lost my virginity in (black and white striped knee socks with blue toes and heels), I still have the socks that I wore the last day of our honeymoon (white fishnet bobby socks) and I even have the socks that I wore on my first date with my wife (green anklets with alligators on them). I’m not sure why I hang on to my socks, but I do.

Everyone needs a hobby and I guess socks are mine.

The night before I got married, my friend from Australia was ribbing me because I was sewing up the toes of the very special “love socks” that my wife had given me for the prior Valentine’s Day. They are blue and red and say, “You’ve got a pizza my heart,” around the ankle.

“Do you need socks?” he asked me in his sexy accent, “If you need socks, I will go buy you socks.”

“I don’t need socks, these are special socks.”

And I shamefully explained my sock problem to him.

I don’t think that I have a foot fetish or anything….but I certainly have a soft spot for stockings and socks of all kinds. Smelly or not, if I’m being honest. Feet don’t gross me out at all. In fact, my wife and I have foosted a few times. That’s when you get fucked by a foot. She has super tiny feet though, so that’s the only reason I was able to tick that box off my bucket list.

Every year around this time I start putting together a list of inexpensive things that would make nice presents around the holidays. Lots of those items happen to be socks. It’s literally the perfect gift. When I was trolling around the PornHub store looking for a new hoodie, I learned that PORNHUB HAS FUCK SOCKS FOR SALE!!!!

This is life altering and I’d be a size L if anyone is feeling generous.

Click here to see the orange ones that I fancy. They seem like they are super heavy weight and probably tall enough to slip over the top of my Dr. Marten’s…and that’s all I can ask for in a pair of foot coverings.

I honestly love rocking all my PornHub gear. The tshirts and hoodies have been great conversation starters at the grocery store and when we go on outings. There have only been two negative experiences with strangers, but both were because dudes were being gross and hitting on me inappropriately while their significant others were in the bathroom or whatever. When the ladies re-entered the picture, they wanted to throw down.

Hella lame.

Do you Peepz own any PornHub brand clothing? Don’t you think it’s time you went shopping for some? I’m about to lay some heavy hints down on my babe. I’m really hoping to find those socks in my stocking come XXXmas.

Source: PornHub Apparel

Image: Leave the Socks On, Love by Brazzers

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Pornhub Insights On Porn Traffic Spike During YouTube Outage

When I first heard about YouTube more than a decade ago, it was little more than dump for every dumb video scattered throughout the internet. Thanks to their less criminal legal practices regarding ownership of uploaded videos, it quickly became a popular resource for amateur content creators and video editors.

Now, YouTube is the second most visited website on the internet and a platform that has launched the careers of dozens of untalented millionaires. It has even become the primary means of entertainment for people around the world, as 5 billion videos are watched on YouTube in a single day.

Until it goes offline, at least!

On October 16th, YouTube experienced a rare global service outage from 9:30PM until 10:45PM ET. These displaced content consumers were forced to entertain themselves with alternative sources and as luck would have it, the statisticians at Pornhub Insights noticed another beloved website that experienced a spike in visits during the downtime.

As usual they have compiled a couple graphs to highlight how YouTube’s service disruption effected Pornhub traffic.

During YouTube’s unexpected outage on October 16, Pornhub experience a noticeable spike in average traffic. At its peak, 21% more people were using Pornhub than at 10pm on a normal night. Considering Pornhub is already the internet’s most popular adult website and a formidable website on its own, this kind of spike in traffic is rather interesting- especially when we look at what kind of search terms were the focus of this porn-viewing bubble.

Popular YouTube genres like asmr experienced 201% more searches during the outage, with YouTube itself experiencing an 183% boom in porn search relevancy. As we’ve noticed during other global events, often times people like to throw popular current event topics into Pornhub to see what’s going on and I’m happy these people choose to get their news from the website everyone else just uses to masturbate.

For a more in depth look at how YouTube’s service outage and other internet catastrophes effected porn traffic, head over to Pornhub Insights to read more.

Via pornhub.com/insights

Image: Kelsi Monroe in Trolling For Trolls by Brazzers

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Plane Sex is Hard For Celebrities Too

On the show Marriage Boot Camp, Aubrey O’Day lets her sexy personality shine through. In one particular episode, the couples are all sitting around playing Truth or Dare with the therapist. When Aubrey gets her turn, the question she has to answer is, “Name a place you’ve always fantasized having sex and why.” She replies that she wants to bang on a plane and then tells a story about the one time she and Paulie D tried to do the do.

Pauly D only flies first class. Of course he does. He left his plush seat and bottle service to go hang out with his lady in coach. I’m wondering why he didn’t buy her a first class ticket or find another flight…or give up his first class seat so that his lady could fly in style…but whatever. I’m just being judgy about pop culture celebs. It’s mostly because I’m so bitter about what Pauly and his friends did to my favorite beaches.

They tried to make her mile high fantasy come true, but there were a few things that fucked up their flow.

There was a guy sitting next to them who was “sleeping,” (but probably not?) and the two were a little creeped out by him. I mean, me too guys. Who sleeps when the people next to you are banging? He probably just closed his eyes because he didn’t want to think about the fact that he was going to have to head to the dry cleaners to clean the splooge off his pants.

Positioning was also a difficult task. How do you fuck on a plan so that no one notices? They tried blankets, and keeping the noise level to a minimum, but you have zero legroom on most flights now, so fitting four legs, Pauly’s hair and a set of boobs like Aubrey’s into one seat isn’t an easy task.

When Pauly asks why they don’t just fuck on a private jet (because of course that’s an option), she says no. Private jet sex doesn’t count as far as she’s concerned. Aubrey wants the danger and the excitement of having sex in public. If you’re flying private no one is going to bother you at all. Someday I hope I have those kinds of problems.

Here’s the clip from the show:

What do you Peepz think? Is plane sex on your to-do list or are you over the hype? Let me know in the comments below, or hit me up on twitter.

Source: US Magazine

Image: Gina Lynn in Sex on a Plane by Brazzers

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Cops Pull “Pranks” with Big Blue Dildo

When you’re joking around with your work friends, it’s probably not a good idea to break out the dildos and wave them around. I mean, if I did that in any of my offices, I’d be canned in 10 seconds flat. Not everyone in the world can be as sexually open as we are, Peepz…and that’s OK.

You’ve got to know your audience when dick jokes are involved.

Co-workers are usually not that audience, especially when you’re actually in work.

Six plaintiffs, all police officers in Mountainside, New Jersey, were named in a sexual harassment lawsuit. They have been accused of misconduct that stretches as far back as 1998, which is when I graduated from high school. Twenty years is a long fucking time to put up with some inappropriate bullshit that’s happening at your job. The chief who was in charge during most of the harassment retired over the summer and now all of a sudden things are moving through the courts.

I get that dildos are funny, Peepz. I’ve slapped my wife in the butt with a huge cock on more than one occasion. One of my Canadian friends crocheted me a dick a few years ago and it’s faithfully sitting on the top of my bookshelf in our bedroom. I love a hilarious dick joke…but if my co-worker came by my desk flapping a Doc Johnson Stryker in my face I’d punch him in the balls and then call HR. I’m a friendly perv in all the right places…but don’t fuck with me when I’m doing the 9-5.

There’s a time and a place, my Peepz.

Maybe I’m extra salty with this particular story because I’m not a fan of the police…but it’s a fucked up working environment if you are in the vanilla world and a massive dildo named, “Big Blue,” keeps making an appearance, even if it’s supposed to be a joke.

Am I overreacting? What would you do if the person who sits next to you started leaving a dildo suction cupped to their desk? Let me know in the comments below, or slide into my DMs on on twitter.

Source: NJ.com

Image: Good Cop Bad Girl by Brazzers

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Masturbation Roll

Peeperz presents to you the best sites on the entire internet:

Sophie Mudd Massive Tits of the Day – DrunkenStepfather

Ariana Grande Pantyhose Photo Shoot – CelebJihad

Ana Braga Nipple Slip Underboob While Shopping – TaxiDriverMovie

Chrissy Teigen Upskirt and Cleavage! – The Nip Slip

Awesome Cannabis Strains For Your Best Sex Ever – Smoking Section

Rachael C Drops a Red Dress! – BoobieBlog

Thera Jane – Poolside Seduction – PrettyHot&Sexy

Sexy Celeb Babes – Paparazzigr.tv

Follow Peeperz on Twitter! – We rock the tweets, join the party

 

Image: Gabriella Paltrova in My Blindfolded Best Friend by Brazzers

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Fap Along With Harlot: She’s Dangerous

When some people type the letter, “A,” into the PornHub search engine, their suggestions point to anal. I watch so much Abella Danger that she’s my top suggestion. I think it has a lot to do with her ass though, to be honest.

In this week’s Fap Along, we’re going to take a trip into the porno stylings of Ms. Danger. I hope you Peepz can keep up with her pussy. She’s fierce and on the hunt for tons of sexual satisfaction. You ready? Let’s fap!

Roller skates, sloppy blowjobs and backwards baseball hats are about to jump start this solo session for us. Abella looks fucking adorable while she’s begging her co-star to stuff her with more of his thick dick.

Abella doesn’t even need a dick to have a good time. She’s all by her lonesome in this masturbation clip for Sweet Sinners. A pink dildo swirls around her clit and in and out of her pussy making her cum over and over again.

In this clip, she wanders into the back room of a video store and discovers a glory hole. This is probably one of my biggest fantasies. Abella spits on her pussy to get it nice and sticky and then she waits for some cocks stick through the holes in the wall.

You know those articles that tell you how to spice up your love life in the bedroom and give you a few tricks to try out at home? Abella is pulling the old, “ice cube on the dick,” trick out of her hat and ends up with an uncut cock sliding in and out of her holes.

A bit of trickery leads to some blindfolded pussy eating and fucking in this last clip. Abella really gives her lover 100% of her attention. I love it when she rolls her eyes back into her head and gives the camera a few bats of her eyelashes.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. I hope you came as much as I did. If you’d like a fap along list of your very own, hit me up on twitter or in the comments below!

Image: Abella Danger in by Reality Kings

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How Can the Mood be “Romantic and Optimistic” Under These Conditions?

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When I’m Old, Put Me in the Home with the Strippers

I’ve got to go a little deep for this story, Peepz. For the past year or so, I’ve been taking care of my grandmother on Fridays. She’s old and her memory has all but faded away. Before she got sick, I didn’t know much about dementia or what happens to the mind, along with the body, as you age.

My grandma has always been super propper. She was quick with the comeback if you said something sassy to her, but in the 35 years of my life prior to her getting sick, I never heard her curse.

Now all she talks about is grabbing the dicks of the male therapists that visit her a few times a day. I laugh “inappropriately” every single time it happens. Hearing a woman who never even said, “Hell!” go to town on a nurse and calling her a, “Dick slobbering cunt!” is funny as fuck, I don’t care what anyone says. Now I don’t have to hold myself back when I’m talking to my grandma about the jerk offs that were on the road on my way to the hospital. We have a refreshingly sad relationship now, but that’s cool.

If I could though, I think I’d want to move my grandma into the nursing home that lets the strippers come and visit. Yes, that exists.

Nursing home residents at Milton Lodge in Colchester, Essex got the surprise of their lives when their request for scantily clad butlers was fulfilled. The genius plan for man meat was first thought up by an 89-year-old woman named Joan Corp. Their meals were boring and she wanted something pretty to look at while she was chowing down on mashed potatoes and unsalted soup.

The men from Hunks in Trunks came to the nursing home and served up piping hot plates of beef cake. The residents even invited their daughters and granddaughters to the evening’s special supper. While the men served the food, the ladies giggled and oogled, as if they were teenagers all over again.

I think my gram would be into the idea of strippers serving her dinner. In her former life she would have been mortified, but I think my grandma of late would really enjoy sexy buff men dancing around her hospital bed in aprons. My grandfather wouldn’t like the idea, but that’s ok. You’ve got to live a little every now and then.

What do you Peepz think? Do you think you’ll still want to see strippers when you’re old enough to be in a nursing home? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source and Image: Buzzfeed

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Apple Picking Pussy

Autumn activities are my favorite type. I make plans in July to go pumpkin picking and apple picking before my calendar fills up. Last year, a family trip to the pumpkin patch resulted in me getting fingered in a corn field. This year? We waited until we were indoors to participate in our annual tradition.

Every year, we get together with some of our girlfriends to pick apples and bake. It’s a super fun afternoon, except that by the time that the 6th or 7th pie is in the oven, everyone else is drunk off their faces and I’m knee deep in apple slices. I prefer to focus on all the baking that has to be done, rather than get twisted. After the work is done? Let’s talk. This year my final tally was 10 pies, 48 muffins, 2 trays of caramel apple bars (homemade caramel sauce too, Peepz. Harlot doesn’t fuck around in the kitchen) and 3 loaves of apple, cinnamon, banana bread. You know who wouldn’t have been able to get all that done if she was downing whiskey? This slut right here.

You don’t want me drunk in the kitchen and handling knives…I’m just saying.

While the other girls were on their 15th cigarette break, my wife came into the kitchen and saw my frustrated face. She came up behind me and started kissing my neck because she knew exactly what I needed to take the sour puss off my face.

“You know what I love?” she asked me while I she was purring into her neck, “I love how wet your panties get when you get angry.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes back a little bit, spreading my legs apart just a bit wider. Our friends were just outside the door of the dining room and could easily see her standing behind me if they turned around. Luckily drunk people smoking get very focused on smoking. They paid no mind to the fact that my wife was rubbing my clit while I was standing in front of the sink washing flour off of my fingers.

It was quick. When we’re able to sneak intimate moments like this, that is what we do. It only takes her a few minutes to make me catch my breath while my knees are buckling. I turned around and kissed her. We kept making out until our friends came through the sliding glass door 10 minutes later.

“I’m done baking,” I told them.

“But what about the waffles?” one woman asked.

“You can make them yourselves. I’m packing up my pies and heading home.”
In a moment that was purely motivated by the classic tale of, “The Little Red Hen,” I packed up all the food that was on my dishes and we headed to the car. I’m not exactly sure what my wife and I are going to do with 48 muffins and a handful of other apple goodies, but we’ll certainly do our best to lick our plates clean.

Image: Felony Foreplay Warm Apple Pie by Brazzers

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Bed Making Leads to Better Sex

I never made my bed before I was married. The only time my sheets got changed was after I fucked someone on them, and then I’d make my bed…but I was never the type of person that got up, stretched and tucked the flat sheet underneath my pillow while I fluffed my comforter out. It totally wasn’t my style.

Enter, my wife.

She was raised in a military household. Her father was in the army and they traveled all over the world when she was very young. In his house, beds were made and inspected every morning. It’s a habit she never broke.

When we moved in together, I didn’t have a day job. I was freelance writing full time so I really didn’t leave the house much. I’d wake up to walk the dog and then head straight for my computer to pound away at the keys for 9 or 10 hours. After the first week, she started getting pissed off.

“Why the fuck do you not make the bed?”

“What bed? Our bed? Seriously?”

“Yes! Make the fucking bed when you get out of it. I get home every night and the fucking bedroom looks terrible because the sheets are all over the place,”

“Ummm. Ok? I didn’t realize that was a thing.”

“Of course it’s a thing!”

“I mean, I don’t ever make my bed unless I have company coming over to fuck me on it, but I can totally do that if it’s something that bugs you.”

She didn’t realize other people didn’t have the rules that her father did. There would be no bouncing coins on the sheets in my home, that’s for sure.

Turns out that people who make their bed in the morning have better sex than people who don’t. The totally unscientific survey conducted by OnePoll and commissioned by Sleepopolis surveyed 2,000 Americans to see how morning habits can affect relationships.

From the article linked below:

People who make their bed
Morning person
Wakes up without an alarm
Has sex three times a week
Average nap is 43 minutes
Jobs are most likely in the health or technology fields
More likely to enjoy jazz music, watch episodes of “House Hunters” and romantic movies
Personality traits include adventurous, confident, sociable and high-maintenance
People who don’t make their bed
Night person
Snoozes alarm before getting up
Has sex twice a week
Average nap is 50 minutes
Job are most likely in the business or financial fields
More likely to enjoy rock music, watch episodes of “Seinfeld” and comedy movies
Personality traits include shy, moody, curious and sarcastic

I’m not sure that there’s that big of a difference between having sex two times a week and three times a week, but if making the bed in the morning keeps my wife happy, I’m all for it.

Do you Peepz make your bed when you get up? Let me know in the comments or head over to my twitter to have some private pillow talk.

Source: NY Post

Image: Brenna Sparks in Bunk Bed Bang

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Take a Sexcation This Year

Vacations were few and far between in my twenties. I was always in long distance relationships with guys who insisted that I travel to them, so I’d go for weekend jaunts and end up only being a tourist inside of a hotel room. At the time I wasn’t complaining, because traveling for sex was new and exciting. Now I look back and wish I had actually visited San Antonio, Austin and Atlanta for more than just some cock.

My wife and I love traveling with each other. We have similar tastes in that we like our trips to be equal parts adventure and relaxation. Our honeymoon in Puerto Rico was amazing. My favorite experience was either hiking through the rain forest, or fucking in the pool on our last night there. Both were things that I’ll remember for the rest of my life, while the hotel sex with my ex’s is forgettable at best.

We have brought up going on a legit sexcation before. There are plenty of LGBT cruises out there where clothing is optional and things tend to get a little out of hand. It’s definitely a dream of ours, but we’re not completely sold on getting on a boat.

Sex Island would be an option, if it was lady friendly. They’re offering unlimited sex, drugs and pussy to men who pay a hefty sum (over $6000 USD) for the privilege of visiting the island of paradise. Four days is a long time to have a hardon, Peepz. They promise that there will be 60 girls, with only 30 guests, unlimited food and alcohol plus a fuck ton of partying. Each guest gets 2 women per day.

Here’s their promo video with totally SFW highlights (except for hotties in bathing suits? Those are SFW though, right?)

Do you think you would be able to hang with the ladies for four full days? I’m not sure that I could. I’d probably be hella psyched the first and second days, but then by the end of the third day my cunt would be so sore I’d have to ice it down. I’m curious about you though…

Does going on a four day sex trip in paradise interest you? Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on twitter. If you are interested in going to Sex Island (and I sure hope you are), you can purchase your entry HERE on their website.

Source:

Image: April O’Neil in Vacation Flirtation by Brazzers

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Fap Along With Harlot: Digital Playground

When I lived in my studio apartment, I was so psyched to decorate the whole place in porno posters. I worked at an adult video store so they were fairly easy to come by. In my bathroom, I decided to showcase a massive fully clothed posted for the Digital Playground movie Pirates 2. At the time, Belladonna, Stoya and Sasha Grey were my porno fantasy trifecta and a movie featuring all three of the legends was the corner piece of my poster collection.

Why did I hang it in the bathroom then?

Because first thing in the morning and last thing at night, that poster put me in a good mood. I’d brush my teeth looking into the dreamy eyes of Jessie Jane, while thinking about how much fun it would be to blaze with Jenna Haze.

Digital Playground has always been known for the quality productions that they put out. For this week’s Fap Along, I figured I’d showcase a few of their recent PornHub clips so that we can all enjoy them together.

You Peepz ready? Pull out your favorite fuck sock and let’s fap!

Raven Alexis likes a little bit of cream in her coffee, and some of Erik Everhard’s splooge on her face. A breakfast cereal situation turns sexual in this scene from the DP movie Bad Girls 8.

Threesomes are fun to watch. It’s always interesting to see the sexual chemistry that exists between the people in the room, especially if there happens to be an odd number. Riley Steele gets her holes filled by Scott Nails and Tommy. My favorite part is when both guys are sitting on the couch and she goes back and forth between their cocks.

I used to suck the cock of this DJ who was in love with Alexis Texas. I feel like not including her in this fap along list would disappoint him and the last thing anyone wants is a disappointed DJ.

For awhile Jesse Jane was the Digital Playground it girl. Her “girl next door” attitude made people melt. When she started getting naked, everyone was all about her curves. In this vintage DP clip, she gets down to business on a balcony, which is one of my favorite places to fuck in public.

When Melanie Rios rides a dick, she does this super sexy butterfly move with her knees. Her tight puss is no match for the monster cock that is attached to her on-screen fuck buddy. Check out this last clip and lose your load all over the place.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. I save some cum for me next round. I’ll see you next week!

Image: Belladonna, Jenna Haze, Katsuni and Jesse Jane in Pirates 2 by Digital Playground.

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Sex and the City Without Samantha Would Be Like The Beatles Without John

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Possible Threesome with Our Grocery Deliverer

I’ve fucked a whole lot of people and that means that I have a whole lot of memory lapses. Sometimes I wish I was the type of person who could remember every set of lips that I’ve made out with, but I think that tucking away all the sexual tips and tricks I’ve acquired may have been a better trade off.

For the first time ever in my life, I didn’t have time to go grocery shopping by myself this past Sunday. It was a fairly easy process and the woman arrived with all of our shit 5 minutes into the allotted delivery window. When I opened the door, we both kind of…acknowledged each other? I knew her from somewhere and I couldn’t place it.

She started passing the bags over to me and correctly guessed my name.
Not my real for real name though. She called me of the names that I used back when I was going through my, “Let’s have as much anonymous sex as possible,” stage.

At least I had uncovered how she knew me.

The grocery delivery woman said, “I haven’t seen you in like 15 years!” and reached out to give me a hug.

“I am super sorry, I don’t remember your name,” I admitted.

My wife had made her way to the top of the stairs to help with the groceries and she looked a bit confused that I was hugging the delivery person.

“It’s totally Ok. I’m sure I was just a blip,” she said and she introduced herself to us.

Now I remembered.

“Oh!” I half shouted and I turned back to my wife to explain, “She and I ended up in the middle of a few orgies together, back when we were all hanging out on Long Island!”

She blushed, my wife blushed…and I stood there with a smile on my face thinking back to those days. I was also half impressed that I was able to pull the cobwebs off of that memory.

We talked for a few more minutes while we all brought the groceries upstairs and into the kitchen. She was married to a woman that she met on vacation in Mexico a few years ago, works in finance during the week and picks up a few hours a month delivering groceries to support her expensive purse habit.

“Why don’t we all have dinner sometime?” I suggested, “It would be really great for us to catch up, I think.”

“For sure! Let me explain everything to my wife tonight and we’ll let you know when we’re free.”

We exchanged numbers and are hoping to hear from them soon. She seemed to like hearing that I was still involved in kink so I’m pretty sure that there is another orgy in my future.

Do you think it was fucked up that I always used fake names with the people that I was fucking? Have you ever used a fake name when you initially met someone from the Internet? Let’s talk about it on twitter.

Image: Isis Love and Monique Alexander by Grocery Store Adventures by Reality Kings

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I Love You by Brooke Candy

When a video on PornHub starts out with a shot of a glittery liquid CGI’d so that it’s flowing out of Asia Akira’s even more sparkly butthole, it’s basically my idea of a good time. The next video in the Visionaries Director’s Club series of original content made for PornHub, Brooke Candy makes her debut.

I had to do a little bit of research to figure out who Brooke Candy was. After watching some of her music videos, I’m a bit confused as to why I didn’t know who she was prior. She makes music that is just as sexually charged as Peaches tunes…and she’s is not afraid to show off how powerful the body, mind and voice of a woman can be.

Here’s her most recent music video for her song My Sex featuring Pussy Riot, Mykki Blanco and MNDR

Brooke Candy selected an all-star cast for her adult film directorial debut. I was sold when I saw Asa Akira’s butthole but the rest of the scenes do not disappoint. There’s some girl-girl sex, some boy-boy sex…some transgender gloryhole action. A little bit of everything for everyone, all while a super creepy soundtrack is playing in the background.

Are you ready to watch? As much as I know you all want to whip out the goods and get off…I’m going to suggest you take the time to watch the whole thing all the way through. Treat yourself to an artistically motivated edging session so that you can enjoy every moment that Brooke put together for us.

What do you Peepz think? Were you in love with I Love You or did it leave you wanting more? Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on twitter.

Image: Screenshot of Asa Akira’s sparkly butt from I Love You by Brooke Candy

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Powerful Storm Blows Sex Toys Down The Street

Living in Southern California, I’m pretty spoiled with regards to weather. We occasionally have a storm, and our insane overreaction to even just an inch of rain is worthy of national ridicule. It’s easier for us to just live vicariously through following the news coverage of every other major weather event that happens around the world- like last month’s Storm Ali that hit parts of the United Kingdom.

According to one headline, Ali’s 100mph winds were so fierce they blew someone’s stash of discarded sex toys down the street. Hmm!

The story was picked up thanks to one woman’s social media posts that quickly went viral. During the peak of Ali’s fury, she happened to peak out her window and noticed someone’s “wheelie bin” bad blown over sending the sex toys inside drifting down the gutter. She was so tickled pink to see the sexy garbage casually strewn about that she had to share it with the world.

As someone who lives in fear of either my roommate or another loved one finding my hidden stash of sex toys, I can really empathize with the embarrassment the owner of these sex toys must have felt. Not enough to stop myself from laughing at their misfortune, though.

Why someone decided to get rid of their sex toys during a major storm is beside me. Maybe they were expecting the mayhem to bad enough to warrant some extreme weather sex and thought they didn’t need them anymore.

After Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc along the eastern United States years ago, we noticed a rather interesting statistic nine months later. Apparently after dealing with the adrenaline of the storm and uncertainty of the cleanup process, many Americans decided to comfort themselves with some sexual healing. Nine months after the October 2012 storm, hospitals throughout New York and New Jersey saw an increase in birthrate by as much as 34%. These “Sandy babies” were attributed to the fact that storms simply make people horny. Well now I’m just jealous.

At any rate, after pictures of the assorted sex toys floating down the street like dust in the wind were posted, they were quickly shared by over 600 people. Having such a incident go viral would be extremely embarrassing but luckily for their previous owner nobody was able to tell who they belonged to.

Via thescottishsun.co.uk

Image: Tegan James in Stranded Stepmom by Brazzers

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Mixing Mainstream with Porn

Earlier this year, I wrote about Young MA’s directorial debut for a video that was exclusively released on PornHub. It is still one of the hottest all-girl clips I have ever seen in my life. Other recording artists had jumped on the PornHub bandwagon before, but this was a full on smash hit of a porno video.

A bunch of my friends who are a bit more vanilla than I am were totally shocked to hear that Young MA would associate with PornHub. They didn’t understand why anyone who was into her music would go to PornHub to watch what she had created. I mean, that was a dumb hypothesis, because PornHub is one of the Internet’s most heavily trafficked websites and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.

Kanye (yuckers…I can’t get on his bandwagon, sorry/not sorry) was the creative director for the PornHub awards in September. He sees the impact that being involved with a porno mega-giant can make. The models in the show all wore Yeazy gear, he performed during the ceremony…he dipped his hands into every part of the show that he could.

So here’s an idea.

Why not cross-post content, or even use the PornHub Network as your main source, to release content that’s sexy, even if it doesn’t involve actual sex? I’m talking music, toy reviews, makeup tutorials, car videos, nails, sports…whatever kind of content it is that you create.

There’s a wave of content that was just pulled and demonitized by Paypal and Youtube because a small portion of it is fetish based. Yeah, ASMR community, I’m talking to you. I was banned from the money monger myself back a handful of years ago and I totally feel your pain. Pictures of fat chicks in bathing suits are apparently inappropriate and fetishy, even if they aren’t meant to be. You know who never banned me though? The PornHub Network.

I say post those clips over on our side of the fence. Your subscribers will still be able to view the content AND if you become a PornHub amateur you can still monetize your videos. The only catch is that puritanical websites like Instagram and Facebook won’t let you post links to publicize when you upload.

Twitter is cool with it though.

Twitter is very loosey goosey with the rules…which is awesome when you’re talking about perverts and people who have been otherwise banned being able to promo their content. It’s a double edged sword, you know? Yeah, I’d like to be able to see my tits and talk about gangbangs publically, but then there’s the line in the sand where people who preach about hate also have access to the platform. What’s the difference between good and evil? It’s all in our brains, Peepz.

In case you forgot how sexy Young Ma’s porno was, feel free to click play and lose an hour of your life while you cum over and over again.

I’ve been with The PornHub Network for as long as I can because it gives me a platform to express myself, no matter the medium. I know that some of the ASMR community might be very anti fetishizing their content…and I 100% get that…I just want to make the world aware that there are alternatives out there though that can give you the web traffic that you are looking for and not get their panties in a bunch about the type of art that you create.

Source: NME and Newstatesman

Image: Haley Reed in Music Lovers by Reality Kings

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Pornhub Insights On The Curious Rise Of Bowsette Porn

I’ve liked Nintendo products ever since I was a kid. I grew up around the original NES and playing games was a family experience. My parents would watch my siblings and I pass the controllers around, occasionally hopping on the d-pad themselves to direct Mario into an early grave. It was a gaming experience that more adult-oriented consoles have never been able to emulate.

Thanks to their extremely successful new console, Nintendo is once again a household name. In addition to the Switch allowing the company to freely print money, their characters are also mainstays in popular culture on the internet. However, this isn’t always the best for a family-oriented entertainment company.

When a recent trailer for an upcoming game depicted an unassuming toadstool turning into a beautiful princess by putting on a crown, the internet was quick to depict what would happen if Mario’s arch rival Bowser was to wear it. This is when Bowsette, the busty gender swapped version of Bowser was born followed almost instantly by some really weird porn.

Our favorite curators of interesting moments in porn history were quick to recognize this growing trend of gender swapped porn featuring characters from Nintendo’s Mario franchise. Like always, Pornhub Insights has created a few graphs to highlight this rise in popularity.

Like most weird internet porn fanfics, Bowsette experienced exponential growth.

Once the fanart spread from websites like Tumblr and DeviantArt to mainstream internet culture, Bowsette porn skyrocketed in popularity. At it’s peak on September 26, 323,179 people searched for porn featuring Bowser’s buxom princess form while the original male variant pulled 51,882 searches. Between the two characters more than a half a million people searched for porn featuring either character in just 72 hours since it was created- and that was just the beginning.

Bowsette’s growth in popularity was so great that Pornhub Insights dished out a special update that revealed this trend continued through the rest of the month of September. Mama mia!

For a more in depth look at how Bowsette and other sexy pop culture phenomena affected internet porn traffic, head over to Pornhub Insights to read more.

Via pornhub.com/insights

Image: Brooklyn Chase in Laying Pipe with the Bros by Brazzers

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Masturbation Roll

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Fap Along With Harlot: Buttholes Are For Licking

I love to lick assholes. My wife is a little bit squeamish about that particular activity, so I don’t get to indulge as much as I’d like to. It’s cool though. I get to vicariously live through the ladies in PornHub clips which is definitely the next best thing.

I tried to curate a diverse bunch of clips for you Peez this time around. We’ve got some girl on girl action as well as dudes who enjoy the way it feels to be licked where the sun don’t shine. Let me know in the comments below if you like getting your butthole touched with tongue. In my brain it’s everyone’s favorite sexual activity.

Ready to get started? Grab your favorite jizz sock and let’s fap!

Ladies who are down to get dirty are my favorite kind. In this clip from LesbianX, Holly Hendrix and Rebel Lynn please each other in new and exciting ways. I’m really into their outfits though. Skirts are the hottest.

In tons of porno scenerios, hot ladies who are down on their luck will do just about anything to earn a dollar or two. This clip features a sexy amateur who doesn’t mind digging in deep with her tongue.

This Massage Room threesome is slick with oil and cum. The two blonde ladies both get their turn in the, “face down, ass up,” position so that circular motions can be made with their male counterpart’s mouth. I think the hottest position is when the girl with the braids is sitting on the guy’s face and the other chick is riding his cock. That’s what all my threesome fantasies are made of.

You know what gets me horny? Coffee. Coffee totally gets me off, or at least it gives me the quick fix of energy to get off? Whatever. This clip is hot. Kitchen sex and butthole licking all in one neatly wrapped package. You can’t ask for anything more, Peepz.

I’m not sure why my first stop in this anal licking adventure wasn’t the collection page for Girls Rimming but I am certainly glad that I clicked my way over there. The summer sun has Nathaly’s pussy soaked so when she gets a text from one of her butt play loving boy toy’s, she invites him over for some fun.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. I hope you had as much fun as I did.

Image: Eastern Euro Anal Orgy by Reality Kings

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Bad News Honey: Apparently, We Aren’t Having Sex

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

If there’s one thing I love (or maybe three things I love) it’s the ability some people possess to look at the world around them and come up with a small number of well-defined categories into which everything fits.

I think this works out best when you divide things into groups of three. Why three? Hell if I know – but maybe it has something to do with the comedy rule of three, or the Holy Trinity, or possibly the Three Stooges.

At any rate, as we all know, there’s only three kinds of knowledge, three kinds of evil and three kinds of laziness. (With that last one, part of me wonders if the reason there’s only three kinds of laziness is the person who came up with the idea of putting laziness types into categories was a bit lazy, but we’ll leave that question for another time.)

What I didn’t know, until today, is there’s also three categories of sex.

If I Fall Into A Sexual Trance, Do I Risk Falling Out Of Bed?

In her blog post about some guy’s book, which is in turn about some other guy’s research, Chandrama Anderson lists the three categories of sex as “Sexual Trance,” “Role Playing” and “Partner Engagement.”

If I were to stop reading at this point (and believe me, I strongly considered doing so), I might think these categories involved hypnotism, chainmail armor and challenging my partner to a fight, respectively.

As it turns out though, the chainmail is optional.

Anderson says the sexual trance category involves “a focus on bodily sensation.”

“Your eyes are likely closed, and you’re noticing each and every touch and sensation that’s happening to your body,” she continues. “This is highly sensual and lovely. It’s probably dark and quiet, and you are in your zone, and enjoying each moment. You likely take turns pleasuring and being pleased. It’s also possible that you are not especially emotionally connected as you float in this trance.”

I’m pretty sure I’ve never been in a sexual trance – mostly because I typically don’t realize there was tracked-in kitty litter on the bed until I notice a few small flecks of it compressed into my butt cheeks once we’re done.

Plus, I’m not sure I want to go into a sexual trance, at least not as it is described above. Not to put too fine a point on it, but “noticing each and every touch and sensation” isn’t my idea of a good time, considering how much my husband sweats and the fact he’s often on top.

Huzzah! ‘Tis Time For Renaissance Fair Sex! Or Is That Not What You Meant?

This brings us to “role playing” – a term which (speaking of threes) always makes me think of one of three things: Dungeons & Dragons, the Society for Creative Anachronism or all that “Q Anon” bullshit.

None of that is related to the sex category of role playing, though… I hope?

“This is playful and can involve dressing up, playing out fantasies, describing scenes and what each partner is doing/wearing, etc.,” Anderson writes. “For example, you may describe a scene such as, ‘We’re on a boat in the Bahamas, the moon is full, you’re wearing…’ You may shop for sex toys, books, lingerie, and so on. You may create an actual pick up scene at a restaurant or club and take him or her home or to a hotel. Role Play is fun and exciting and also perhaps scary to play out the range of your ideas.”

Hmm. I’m pretty sure my husband and I don’t role play, either. The last time I remember him dressing up was for Halloween several years ago, when he put on sunglasses, tightened the hood of a sweatshirt around his face and declared that he was dressed up as “that one old sketch of the Unabomber.”

If He’s Snoring, Does This Mean He’s Not “Engaged”?

The third and final category of sex is partner engagement, which Anderson describes as being “based on emotional connection.”

Hmm. Unless emotional connection includes laughing at the fart-like sounds which result from us fucking, I’m not sure this one applies to us, either.

“Your eyes are open, the lights are on, you are verbally and physically sharing, mutual pleasuring, playful, talking, laughing, and experimenting,” Anderson writes. “You may say, ‘Let’s try this position,’ or ‘Does this feel good?’ You may notice something funny. Loving and connected; this can be truly vulnerable.”

I can sort of remember some of the things on this list from the early days of our sex life, especially the request to try out some new sexual position – but it’s mostly in the context of me saying “No way, you’ll drop me on my face!”

The bad news is, if these are the three categories of sex, then my husband and I haven’t had sex in years. The good news is, I think whatever we’re doing still results in me having more orgasms than I’d get from wearing chainmail.

Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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