Survey Suggests Money Can Buy Love

I grew up in a poor but happy family and always believed money can’t buy happiness. Then I grew up, found the internet and found out rich people are pretty damn happy too. Apparently money can be used to buy things which can make people happy. That middle step is the important part of the formula.

Old adages we tell poor people so they don’t feel bad are partly correct, but reality is a lot more complicated. While it’s true money can’t directly buy happiness, being rich isn’t necessarily a guaranteed path to sadness either.

As an adult I realized the necessity of money to maintain a healthy relationship. Mutual coexistence with a sexual partner is a lot easier with properly managed finances and requires a certain amount of money to work properly. The more you have the easier it is to be happy.

A recent survey by one of the internet’s most popular dating websites has confirmed this hypothesis. According to their data couples with a household income greater than $200,000 are happier than those who earn less.

eHarmony asked 2,000 people to complete a survey on their lives. These “everyday Americans” were all in long-term relationships and 64 percent of them were happy. However, those who were in the survey’s higher income bracket we’re even happier. A whopping 71 percent of the richest people surveyed said they were “completely in love” with their spouse, the survey’s highest happiness rating.

From what we already know about rich people, this could be because they’re having a lot more sex.

A few years ago, we read a survey that suggested wealthy people have better sex. This was attributed to having the economic freedom to explore their sexuality and as well as the extra income to have more fulfilling social lives. Considering wealthy people are also more likely to have the time and resources to eat healthy and exercise it’s no surprise that study found rich people to be more satisfied with their sex lives than the less privileged.

It’s hard not to feel personally attacked by studies like these because I’m not happy with either my love life or employment. Maybe if I get a better job I’d find myself in a healthy relationship as well. Alternatively, I can just keep coasting and wait for a survey that suggests underemployed 35-year-old slackers are the most desirable mates.

Via nypost.com

Image: Megan Sage in Shake Your Money Maker by Brazzers

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Woman Fired From Sheriff’s Office Over Dominatrix Film

We’re starting to see a real turn in the way people view pornography. This is due in part to great efforts by the mainstream porn industry to hold the medium to the same standards as other movies. Porn is simply sexy entertainment and no more immoral than other depictions of people having sex except it’s not just two people dry humping under a sheet. It’s the real deal.

That being said, we still have quite a way to go before porn stars are as readily accepted by the public as other celebrities.

There are a few adult performers who have experienced crossover success into other industries, but for most people early forays into porn are something they are forced to keep hidden. Such a video coming to light could be disastrous for those who have since moved on to other more prudish careers.

This is what 31-year-old Kristen Hymen found out when she was fired from the Hudson County Sheriff’s Office in New Jersey after it was discovered she once stared as a dominatrix in a porno film. Coincidentally dominatrix sheriff is now my new fetish.

According to Hymen the video was nothing more than an acting gig. She never appeared nude and the sexual acts depicted were no more erotic than a gender swapped version of 50 Shades of Grey. Despite this she was fired by the sheriff’s office and called “disgusting” by one of her superiors. That seems extremely harsh.

If history has taught us anything it’s that most cops probably watch porn.

We once read about a respected police chief who was fired after being caught sending porn to other officers. He oversaw more than 100 other people and had a long, successful career until he was caught browsing porn and texting sexually explicit content to other officers with his police-issued phone. In this case the officer was fired for abusing police resources while on duty. Kristen Hymen never did anything inappropriate while working as a sheriff.

Frankly she never did anything inappropriate at all.

Prior to becoming a sheriff Hymen was an actress who appeared in a number of scripted roles; one of them happened to be as a dominatrix in a soft core adult film. Her coworkers are either massive prudes or were intimated by a dominant woman.

Via huffingtonpost.com

Image: Juelz Ventura in I Cumshot The Sheriff by Brazzers

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Vaginal Shrinking Cream Promises To Make You A Virgin Again

A quick search for “vagina” on your favorite porn site will yield a few familiar adjectives. While there are a select few people who appreciate an experienced, worn-in vagina- most men fantasize about a tight, virgin pussy.

Unfortunately for those in committed relationships, this isn’t something that can be obtained without taking drastic measures. Drastic measures which may include a dollop of “vaginal shrinking” cream that promises to make your vagina feel younger, wetter, and sexier.

Like most sexual enhancers, “18 Again” is not FDA approved and is sold strictly as a novelty product. The active ingredient in the cream, otherwise found in deodorant products, causes skin cells to swell and makes vaginal walls feel tighter.

The product seems to me marketed as a way of bring some excitement back into the bedroom, so if a chemically tightened vagina doesn’t get you aroused this might not be for you.

18 Again is supposed to be applied directly to the inside of the vagina and appears to be aimed at women who want to tighten up everything down there without doing all those pesky Kegel exercises. Similar products claim to be ideal for pregnant women or men who are “not so well endowed.”

However according to customer reviews, vaginal shrinking creams might not be your first choice if the size of your penis causes any anxiety.

While some people claim the cream works exactly as advertised and would recommend to anyone whose vagina needs a tune up, some quickly pointed out that the potassium alum compound in these creams can shrink more than just vaginas. Whoops!

One male reviewer said that a shrink cream he purchased was not “selective about what it’ll shrink.” He added, “She’ll never leave me, but now she calls me Peanut to all her friends.”

Ouch!

This is certainly the first I’ve ever heard of shrinking creams. Personally I think the idea of squirting a bunch of non-approved chemicals into your vagina sounds like a recipe for disaster. On the other hand, most of my sexual partners are slightly older women and I could see how such a product may be useful.

Image: Katrina Jade in American Whore Story Part One by Brazzers

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Is Viagra Making People Blind?

It’s a bit of an urban legend that excessive masturbation causes blindness. Obviously this isn’t true because if masturbation affected one’s ability to see in the slightest, I would have been rendered completely blind by now. However trying to find a link between eyesight and penises has been the Holy Grail for no-fun prudes and after a bit of research, they finally have their new shocking claim.

VIAGRA MAKES YOU BLIND… maybe.

According to a recent study by researchers from the University of New South Wales, Viagra may cause blindness in men who carry a gene for a certain inherited eye condition. The study was done by giving a bunch of mice science induced boners and monitoring their reactions.

Mice that were modified to carry the gene that causes retinitis pigmentosa were likely to develop sight problems after receiving the active ingredient in Viagra for a certain period of time. While it seems pretty obvious that mice with genetic vision impairments would go blind, there’s a bit more to the story.

Carriers of the gene that cause retinitis pigmentosa that do not show signs of the condition were still shown to have their vision affected more than mice that did not have the gene at all. It is estimated that one in 50 people are carriers for this inherited eye disease and it is suggested by this study that they are all at risk.

In other words, even people with perfect vision could go blind from Viagra use if they have a certain gene related to eye problems. Hmm!

Nobody really knows why boner pills could cause someone to go blind, but it is already known that the active ingredient in Viagra may cause temporary vision problems in healthy people. The vision loss associated with carriers of this condition is significantly more severe and potentially dangerous.

Still, one in 50 are pretty good odds. If you’re already using Viagra to enhance your erections and haven’t had any problems there’s probably no need to worry.

Image: Roxetta in Blind Liar by Brazzers

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Survey Says: One In Five Men Unhappy With Their Penis

Penises are kind of weird. While women have to worry about their bodies being constantly compared to sexualized images from advertisements, television and movies- men kind of skirt by because nobody knows what a penis is supposed to look like.

If we thought porn was an accurate depiction of real life, we would assume everyone has a thermos sized dick that’s roughly the same color as the rest of their body. However this isn’t always the case, and sometimes men get a little anxious over it.

While we rarely have our dicks out on display, when we do it’s for really important reasons and we want to make a good impression. According to the recent British Sex Survey carried out by a newspaper called The Observer, one in five men are unhappy with the size of their penis and even fewer are confident about their ability to use it. Hmm!

This survey also revealed that only 33 percent of men are happy with their sexual performance, down from 55 percent just 6 years ago. Earlier this month we found out that Britons are having less sex in 2014 and their excuses ranged from money problems to the presence of pets in the bedroom. Could performance anxiety also be a problem?

Maybe people are having less sex because they’re worried about how they will perform. Well, Wayne Gretzky once said “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Not having sex isn’t the solution to an unsatisfying sex life.

The general consensus is that size doesn’t matter and knowing how to please your partner is completely independent of the length and girth of your penis. To find out what it takes to keep everyone in a sexual relationship happy, sometimes you just have to talk about it.

An old girlfriend I had seemed to have a problem climaxing from vaginal sex alone. Initially I thought it was something I was doing wrong but rather than stress out over it, we simply talked about it. We decided we needed a bit more foreplay and a few well-placed toys to solve our problem.

From then on, while the relationship may have been doomed the sex was always good. That’s really all you can ask for in your 20s.

Image: August Ames in I Wanna Be a Motherfucking Porn Star by Brazzers

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Amazon Prankster Sends Sex Toys To Strangers’ Houses

I spend a lot of time looking at amateur nudes and I’ve made a few observations. First of all, people who post nude pictures on the internet for other people to admire are doing god’s work. Most of them do it simply for the thrill but a few are college students or other people simply trying to make a little money. Though some may sell picture sets or social media access, most of them do it simply for the admiration.

Many people with sexy blogs will allow others to show their appreciation by accepting tips or gifts from an Amazon wish list that typically contains sex toys or erotic merchandise. It’s a convenient way to interact with fans who wish to show affection while keeping your personal details hidden.

However, if you were to anonymously send an unsolicited sex toy to someone with zero warning or explanation, that could be considered pretty creepy. This is what a handful of people discovered when they received packages from Amazon containing sex toys they didn’t order.

According to the online store it’s the work of a serial prankster. Hmm!

Normally free sex toys are nothing to get mad about, but when they arrive at your door with zero explanation or information about who sent them to you the gesture can be interpreted to be harassment. That’s how one woman, identified only as Nikki, felt when she received such a package on her doorstep last month.

After calling Amazon about the package, she told them she was worried about being stalked and wanted information about the order. A source within the company says Nikki is one of many customers who has been sent sex toys, and the sellers say the orders have no billing name or address.

The sexy pranks are simply being sent to seemingly random customers around the country anonymously. How curious.

At any rate, whoever is behind all of this must have quite a bit of money to waste. After researching her new sex toy on Amazon, Nikki discovered it was from a well-known brand and cost the buyer $25. At least the prankster isn’t sending random people cheap sex toys because that would just add insult to injury.

Via thedailybeast.com

Image: Kristal Summers in Special Package by Brazzers

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Family Roadtrip with Sneaky Cabin Sex

Hotel rooms are porno traps for me. A change of scenery is always inspiring sexually. It honestly doesn’t even matter if I’m in the mood to bang or not. Give me a camera and some crappy lowbrow art on the wall and I’m ready for an orgasm session.

My siblings and I have been planning our post-Valentine’s weekend getaway since Thanksgiving. We had originally booked a set of hotel suites but when the building got flooded out because of the wicket Pennsylvania weather, we had to scramble for new accommodations. Finding a posh lakeside cabin with 8 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and a massive fireplace for $200 less than what we had originally intended to pay for the hotel was pretty stellar.

I felt like I was walking onto a movie set when we first opened the door. wooden pillars and antique furniture were everywhere. The bedrooms were all decorated differently, though my wife and I decided on one that was all the way in the back of the house. It was the bed that did it. A massive four post wooden bed frame that was begging for a bit of bondage.

What is it about crazy expensive furniture that inspires perversion?

Maybe it’s the defiling of the expensive that turns me on so much.

I sat on the spiral staircase reading books and playing my ukulele during the day. Laughing with my family and pushing myself over to the side whenever anyone needed to get to the top half of the house. At night though, when everyone went off to bed and the doors were all closed and locked, my wife used my boot laces to bind my wrists together and tie me to the staircase with my hands over my head. She whispered filthy things into my ear, commanding me not to make a sound while she slid her fingers in and out of my pussy over and over again. I shot cum all over the floor and it landed with a satisfying, “Splat!”

We fucked all over the house while no one was watching…in the bathroom before we showered together, in the bedroom with her ass up in the air while she was holding onto the large wooden column that held up the canopy. On the pool table and with a pool cue, because I packed light and forgot to bring any real sex toys with us.

It was an intense weekend filled to the brim with cum and my pussy is going to have to take a few days off to recover.

Here’s a Reality Kings clip of some sneaky public sex that’s sure to turn you on.

Image: Dillion Harper in Northern X Posure by Brazzers

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Masturbation Roll

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Fap Along with Harlot: Creamy Buttholes

I went camping with my family last weekend. Camping is a stretch, actually, but I refuse to call the experience, “Glamping,” because I think that sounds dumb. We were in the woods, in a cabin, with heat, running water and plenty of posh luxuries. It was fancy.

We played a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity and I kept getting all the cards that had to deal with cum. It got to be a running joke between my sister and I that I was becoming a cumslut all over again.

In order to celebrate my newly reclaimed title, I’ve pulled together a Fap Along list of cumshots in and around buttholes. You Peepz ready to get off with me?

Let’s Fap!

Holy fuck, Peepz. The asshole in this first clip gets stretched to maximum capacity. Annika Albrite lubes up her butt with a fuckton of slippery cream. The fact that she can basically fist herself is legit icing on the cake…or pie. Either way, it’s delicious.

While anyone can just cum inside a tight pucker, it takes some pretty good aim to launch semen into a butt when the dick has already been extracted. I love the way the cumshot looks in this 21Naturals video. Susan Melo takes every inch like a champ.

This amateur couple can’t get enough of each other. They fuck while she is standing up and she nearly looses her balance when he stuffs his entire shaft into her ass to stuff her full of his spunk.

Double cream pie, Peepz. Stacie Lane gets manhandled by two massive cocks at the same time. They double up on all available entry points and give her plenty to moan about. One fills her butthole up with jizz and the other fills up her pussy. She’s dripping cum and squirting at the same time.

The last video in this week’s fap along is a bit of porno inseption. Made In Cararias is a sexy PornHub amateur who doesn’t mind showing off all her best angles. When you click play below, you’ll watch her get fucked while she’s watching a Brazzers clip of someone getting fucked. The cumshot in this one is sloppy…just like I like it.

That’s it for this week, Peepz. I don’t know about you, but after all that cumming, all I can think about is getting my butt stuffed. How about you?

Source: Negociaciones Anales con Aletta Ocean by Brazzers

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More Signs Of My Enduring Immaturity

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Science Reveals Benefits Of Being Single

With cuffing season coming to an end it’s time for those of us with unrealistic relationship goals to do some reassessment. Sure, our high standards may have hindered us and refusing to go out and meet new people made it nearly impossible to find love- but what’s so wrong with being single anyway?

According to one psychologist from the University of California Santa Barbara, being single has its own benefits and may even be better for some people. Hmm!

Despite long standing assertions that being in a committed relationship is better for one’s mental health than being single, changes in our society have caused some scientists to change their opinion. Using 100-year-old assumptions about the way people interact with each other renders a point moot, especially when I can post an emotional post on Facebook and get instant affirmation from some of my most beloved acquaintances.

It’s been observed by proponents of the single life that unmarried people tend to have stronger social networks. Thanks to the internet and smart phones interacting with friends is only a tap away and single people are better able to maintain friendships than those preoccupied with a time-consuming mate. As such they have a more diverse group of friends to draw support from during times of emotional distress.

Academic studies have also proven that single people are more likely to be physical fit. A life of solitude lends itself to active lifestyles and single people were found to be significantly more likely to exercise regularly than married people. Compounded with the fact that single people have the freedom to be more adventurous with both their social and sex lives and it’s fairly easy to see that being unattached isn’t as miserable as it was before the advent of Tinder and social media.

Then again it all depends on the individual. Being both happy and single sounds like a lot of work especially when I spend most of my nights alone on the floor, watching Netflix and pretending like I’m going to work out before falling asleep in the sit-up position.

I really should get out more… Oh well, maybe next winter.

Via businessinsider.sg

Image: Jessa Rhodes in Follow Me by Brazzers

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A Sexy Movie for You, My Sexy Peepz

My Internet friends are a diverse group of individuals. They come from all walks of life, and a large portion of them are extremely creative. Sometimes they send me links to preview their stuff so I can give them feedback, and when that happened with the movie Around the World, I jumped on the chance to see if it would be cool for me to tell you Peepz about it.

The Indie movie was shot for only $4,000 in 4 days, but the quality of the writing, acting and production will totally fool you into thinking the budget and timeframe had a lot more wiggle room.

I was very impressed by the sexiness of it. Think 50 Shades without the garbage writing.

A husband leaves his kids with a (smoking hot) babysitter so that he can go out for a night on the town. He heads over to a bar where he meets a prostitute who was already there waiting for him. After a bit of negotiation, they head over to a hotel to have their intimate encounter. He isn’t sure about how to handle himself and needs a ton of conversation to get warmed up to the idea of getting down with a stranger that he paid for.

They end up scoring drugs from a fellow that is hanging outside the hotel. The purchase ends up enhancing their minds and bodies to the point where the pleasure is inescapable. The two strangers learn a whole lot about life and each other while they’re locked up in the hotel room. You can definitely pull a few lessons on communicating from these two.

Here’s the trailer so you can have a peep.

You can check out the entire movie that is streaming for free by CLICKING HERE. It’s an hour long and worth every second of a watch.

You’re going to love the twist. It legit shocked the fuck out of me.

If you’re a movie nerd and want the details on all the things, you can check out the movie’s IMDB page or even give their facebook page a like.

Image: Lauren Baker from Around the World Movie’s facebook page

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Body Painted Tinder Date

Being naked in public is nerve wracking.

It’s like an adrenaline high that you can’t shake for as long as it’s going on. You’ve got a million questions running through your head while you’re trying to keep a straight face and keep your confidence on point.

Clothes are necessary in most social situations. Kind of lame, I know. Though when you’re not wearing clothes in front of other people it can be an impulsive decision that takes guts and a fuck ton of confidence.

Public nudity is something that I dabble with from time to time, but only when I’m in safe spaces with kinky friends. Or, you know, when I’m in work and there is a very slim chance that anyone will ever catch me doing my thing.

Jen the Body Painter posts YouTube clips of her models walking around in public while they are only wearing body paint. I’m kind of obsessed with the idea of combining art, fashion and nudity together, but her most recent clip was too good to pass up sharing you you pervy Peepz.

Imagine you’re going on an tinder date for the first time. The Online chatting has been super stellar so far. It’s close to Valentine’s Day so you’re kind of jazzed to make a connection. You meet the person at the mall, and they look just as sexy as they did in their pictures. Everything is going swimmingly except that you don’t realize that they aren’t wearing any clothes.

Naked first date? I’m down. Where do I sign up?

Here’s a clip showing the entire evening, from painting to reveal. It’s so crazy that the only way you can really tell that she’s wearing paint is by staring at her buttcrack.

Do you think you would have been able to tell that she was only wearing body paint? How do you think you’d react if you were tricked into going on a date with someone who was naked except for a layer of color? Hit me up in the comments below or get in touch with me on twitter.

Source: I Heart Radio and Jen the Body Painter’s Youtube Channel

Image: Screen shot of Joy Jewell from Jen the Body Painter’s Youtube channel

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Woman Wins Lawsuit Against Church Over Penis Cake?

Growing up during the cold war, I was constantly bombarded with a fairly negative image of Russia. They were the enemy and Russians were the bad guys in every action movie well into the 1990s. However, after the cold war ended and I became a far more cultured adult I would have a lot of my worldviews challenged.

Today, between the rivalry at the Olympics and casual allegations of election interference, they United States and Russia are like best friends. I’ve come to appreciate Russian culture, their humor, and the wonderful porn stars and super models they produce.

I’ve also come to learn the Russian Orthodox Church doesn’t take phallic cake pictures lightly.

Back in April of 2011 a woman from the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk posted what she thought was a harmless picture of a celebratory Easter cake. The decoration was tall with a domed cap and had two large eggs sitting at it’s base. In other words, it looked like a giant baked penis.

More than six years later the local Christian Orthodox church finally took notice and sought legal action against the woman for making fun of their dick cake. Hmph!

While the modern Russian is far from prudish, the Orthodoxy apparently still agrees with the Bolsheviks about porn.

We once read about a secret porn vault maintained by the soviets during the time Russia was part of the Soviet Union. Apparently, Stalinists thought porn went against his ideology and decided to ban it while simultaneously keeping a secret sexy library of all the erotic material they could find. They kept their collection in a government porn vault that would eventually end up abandoned when the Soviet Union dissolved in 1991.

Even they probably wouldn’t have minded a picture of cake that accidentally resembled a penis.

The woman who took the picture says she didn’t even realize the cake looked like a wang when she posted it. She didn’t caption the picture with anything crude or acknowledged the phallic nature of the decoration in any way. The court agreed and found cleared the woman of any charges and awarded her more than 20,000 rubles in lawyer fees.

Maybe the Church should stop projecting. If I look at almost anything long enough I’ll start to see a penis in it like some kind of Magic Eye dick-poster but you don’t see me suing everyone over it.

Via pravdareport.com

Image: Cory Chase in Betty Cocker by Brazzers

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Pregnant Virgin Gives No Fucks

A 29-year-old virgin from Canada named Lauren decided she wanted to have a baby. She had been diagnosed with a pituitary gland issue when she was very young so her hormones never developed properly. Puberty came late, and the only reason why it came at all was because she went on medication to even out her body chemistry.

Sex as never something that Lauren was interested in. She grew up in a very close knit Mennonite community, but her lack of interest in banging had little to do with her religious upbringing. The chemicals in her body made her uninterested in both the chase and the capture of a suitor. She was kissed once, but she says that it was terrible and awkward. When she was interviewed by Vice, she said that she thought dating was a wast of time. Every time she tried, “Doing as the Romans do,” she hit dead end after dead end. When the first Internet dating message she received talked about a face-sitting situation, she knew that she was in the wrong place.

Take a lesson, Internet Peepz.

Using oral sex as a conversation starting will most likely not get you laid…or even a face to face meeting…or even a reply.

Say, “Hello,” be polite and get to know the person whose pants you are trying to get into.

Lauren wanted a kid and decided that science was the way to go. People she knew told her she was making a mistake when she sought the help of a fertility specialist, but she persevered and finally got herself pregnant without the help of any of that pesky penis in vagina stuff.

Totally the way to go for an asexual person who wants some moths to feed.

Reading the interview on Vice (I’ve linked it below. Give it a click) was honestly refreshing. Lauren seems very sure of herself and what she is doing with her life. She doesn’t feel like she’s missing out on anything. To her, sex is just one of those things that she doesn’t want to try. Being a mother was her goal and, come June, she’ll get her wish.

How do you Peepz feel about pregnant virgins? Are you intrigued by Lauren’s story or do you think it’s just another day at the office for sperm donors? Let me know in the comments or hit me up on twitter.

Source: Vice

Image: Kirsten Lee in Virgin Lessons by Brazzers

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Yeah, Sure…Alien Sex…Why Not?

When I was 17, I lost my virginity to the tuba player in my high school’s band. When David Huggins lost his virginity, he was the same age, but he fucked an alien. Yeah, I just said that. Dave lost his V-Card to an extraterrestrial.

David Huggins is a painter who lives in New Jersey (I know…I’m sorry, but I can’t keep apologizing for the state that I live in all the time). Through his work, he relives the sexual experiences he has been having with aliens all his life.

It’s kind of quirky, definitely strange, and 100% worth the watch.

I told my wife about the documentary and asked her if she’d be into watching. She said that she wasn’t really into it, so she put on her headphones and started reading a book on the couch. I rented the video and started watching. Ten minutes in and she had one headphone out, totally riveted by the story about the eccentric man that was being told.

David admits that when he was a child he was able to see things. His first encounter was when he was 8 years old. In 1952, he had his second encounter with an insect like alien that ended up spraying him with liquid. It wasn’t until his third encounter that same year that he believes he was taken into another world.

His first sexual encounter happened in the woods. He felt drawn to the extraterrestrial in an almost painful chain of events. The lady-creature pulled him towards her and she went for a ride. David says that he felt like the orgasm was pulled out of him. The header image for this article is his artistic rendition of the event. You can see his arms twisted at a strange angle as if he’s trying to run away and crawl from the being who has trapped him with her hole.

He calls the woman Crescent and he claims to have had a relationship with her that is still on going, even though every time they bang, he is paralized.

There’s one catch though.

You know what happens when you fuck alens without condoms?

Alien babies.

Lots of alien babies.

Like a metric fuck ton of alien babies.

They are apparently a very fertile species and David really likes to cream pie the babes he gets down with.

I don’t want to spoil too much of the film, because honestly, you should give it a watch.

Here’s the trailer for the documentary, which is available on lots of different platforms and totally worth an hour of your time. .

#NoAnalProbe

If you get the chance to watch the film, please let me know what you thought of it. I’m curious if anyone else out there is as intrigued by this story as I am.

Image: Love and Saucers

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Masturbation Roll

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Fap Along With Harlot: The Art of Seduction

It’s fun when you end up being seduced into having sex in an unusual place. Being in public and being turned on can be super hot, but what happens when you find yourself totally surprised by sex with a stranger?

A whole lot of fucking happens, that’s what.

It this Fap Along list, I’ve compiled five clips from the PornHub archives that involve seduction and surprise. I hope you all get to have a few surprise orgasms this weekend, even if you’re only surprising yourself.

You Peez ready? Let’s fap.

The whole inspiration for this post was because of Luna Star in this first clip. She has some clogged pipes in her kitchen that need fixing. When the big black plumber shows up, she realizes that she needs him to snake her own pipes. Luna doesn’t seem to be very good at subtly.

When Ivy Aura gets stranded by her boyfriend, the father of the kids she babysits for steps up to the plate. She decides to thank him for the ride with a bit of physical attention. At first he seems unwilling, but after a kiss or two, he can’t keep his hands off of her.

A new job doing light housekeeping and being a nanny leads April O’Neil straight into the bed of her employer, Bianca Breeze. She gets teased and licked before they rub their pussies all over each other.

Seduction isn’t always stranger on stranger. Sometimes all it takes to seduce your partner is a white button down shirt and matching panties. In this Nubile Films clip, Ash Hollywood does just that.

Thigh rubbing to relieve sore muscles leads to pussy groping and a full on lesbian fuck session. The face riding at the very end of this video was what pushed me over the edge. I knew I needed to include it so that you’d be able to cum as hard as I did.

That’s it for this week, Peepz. Make sure you take the time to make love to your partner once or twice this month. Yes, masturbation counts. Light some candles, buy a new bottle of lube and make yourself feel special.

See you next time!

Image: Ava Devine in Seduced by a MILF by Brazzers

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Problem Solved: Trade Boyfriends

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

I’ve never been sure what to make of self-help columnists, the “Dear Abby” types who receive letters (or pretend to, at least) from often frustrated, occasionally desperate readers seeking advice on everything from romantic relationships and family planning to their careers and party-hosting etiquette.

On the one hand, I feel for these columnists, because there must be days when they clasp their head in their hands and scream: “Why do these needy, pathetic losers always come to me for answers? Can’t they just ask Siri these days?”

On the other hand, there are times when all these columnists really need is a referral service, wherein they can simply tell one of their advice-seekers to connect with an advice-seeker of another self-help columnist, and then everyone will be happy – without having to read or write 800 words.

If Sexting You Is Wrong, I Don’t Want To Be Right

My idea for a self-help client referral program would prove seriously useful for two advice-seekers whose dilemmas I read about this week, one of whom addressed her concerns to Bukky Sanni of Pulse.ng, the other to Suzi Godson of The Times.

“In my previous relationship, I and my ex used to sext a lot and I really liked it,” wrote an unidentified Bukky reader. “I still do, but every time I tried to initiate it with my present boyfriend, he clamped up and ended the chats by looking for excuses to get out. I finally had to talk to him about it and he says he just cannot, that it’s not right. We have argued and argued about it but I have not been able to convince him.”

Godson’s reader, meanwhile, has the exact opposite problem. The headline of their exchange says it all: “He likes sexting more than sex.”

“I have met a new man who I’ve been dating for a couple of months,” the frustrated woman writes to Suzi. “Generally, he is fantastic. However, there is one problem. Despite the fact that he sends me lots of very fruity text messages, he never makes a move when we are together. Why doesn’t he want to have sex?”

While Bukky and Suzi do their best to speculate as to what these two women might do to get more (or less) sexting (or sex) out of their boyfriends, I think the most logical thing would be for them to exchange contact information for the mismatched fellows.

Hey, don’t laugh – if they pitched it right, this could turn into the basis of a terrific reality television show. “Self-Help Swappers,” perhaps, or maybe you could stick them all on a remote desert island and call it “Sext-Isle.”

Or Maybe He’s Just Scared?

“If your fantastic new man genuinely wanted an intimate relationship with you, he would almost certainly have made a move by now,” Suzi tells her reader. “The fact that he hasn’t even tried means one of two things: either he can’t, or he doesn’t want to.”

What follows is an amazing bit of rampant speculation, all of which makes me wonder if Suzi has been through a negative relationship experience of her own.

“It is also, I’m afraid, quite likely that he is seeing other people,” Suzi writes, because internet dating can “create a kind of ‘kid in a candy shop’ mentality,” and “men like this use sexting as way of keeping a selection of back-up dates while they continue to pursue new leads.”

Uh, don’t such men also want to have sex with those “new leads,” or is the theory this guy is just lining up a bunch of women to not have sex with?

There could be other explanations, of course.

“Some men, and your guy could be one of them, become so used to sexting and porn that they become overwhelmed and intimidated by the prospect of real-world connection and intimacy,” Suzi suggests. “It is also possible that he is actually married and through some twisted interpretation of fidelity, he believes that it’s OK for him to sext with you as long as he doesn’t make the relationship physical.”

And if that’s not it, maybe the guy’s dick just doesn’t work.

“There is also a possibility that he suffers from erectile dysfunction, which could make him reluctant to engage physically.”

Or maybe – and I know this is WAY out there – maybe he’s just one of those guys who doesn’t make the first move, period. Maybe he thinks because she appears to be receptive to his sexting, the advice-seeker is the kind of woman who will make the first move if she’s sexually interested in him.

It’s a crazy, wacky notion, I realize – but if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that in the world of advice-seekers and pseudonymous advisors, stranger things have happened.

Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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Australian Sex Expert Knows Why More Women Enjoy Porn

There has been a noticeable change in the way each gender is portrayed in the media and it’s generated a lot of discourse about norms in recent years. While this has resulted in a mostly positive increase in visibility and awareness for some of women’s most pressing issues, it’s hard to notice if any real progress is being made.

That’s why it’s nice to have porn to serve as a barometer.

While the public opinion of porn has changed since our grandfathers watched 16mm porno films at stag parties, things have changed even more dramatically for women in the last few years. According to reports from Pornhub, since 2015 searches for women-friendly porn have increased by more than 1400 percent.

This increase in popularity of porn amongst women has been especially evident in Australia where they consume a third of all internet pornography viewed down under. Crikey!

Though nobody is sure what has caused women to embrace porn, a sexologist from Sydney claims it’s because of a shift in female sexuality and what’s considered taboo or not. As more women become comfortable admitting they enjoy porn, it becomes more acceptable for everyone else.

Over the years we’ve read numerous studies, surveys, and online polls that all indicate the same thing. More women are watching and enjoying porn than previous generations. As a result of this new demographic we have seen a surge in popularity of women-friendly porn.

This genre is, from my experience, still very easy for a man to masturbate to and depicts a more realistic and mutually enjoyable representation of sex than conventional porn. According to Dr. Nikki Goldstein as more women view porn as “sexy entertainment” and stop feeling guilty about enjoying porn, these genres experienced massive growth.

Maybe my extensive porn knowledge will also be more acceptable soon.

I not only enjoy porn, I also read a lot of news stories and follow my favorite performers on social media. It’s a lot of knowledge that I never get to connect with anybody over because it’s not something you would talk about on a first date. Being able to small talk about my favorite porn stars and scenes with women could open a lot of new avenues for me.

Via dailymail.co.uk

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Reddit Bans Deep Fake Porn Communities

When we first read about fake celebrity porn created using advanced software that utilized machine learning, we were a little skeptical about the morality of it all. These videos, where famous faces are imposed on the bodies of adult performers, are known as deep fakes around the internet and are causing quite a bit of debate.

With the mainstream porn industry rapidly becoming more accepted it’s not surprising the controversial deep fakes were quickly banned from the Pornhub Network. When Reddit followed suit fans of the genre were left wondering what the big deal is.

Proponents of deep fakes say the videos are created using freely available software and are not illegal in any way. However, people with empathy were quick to point out that celebrities are people and splicing their faces into porn is a violation of their privacy, even if it isn’t their genitals being shown.

Add the fact that anybody with a lawyer can threaten with a DMCA violation and it’s all the more reason for major pornography providers to ban the computer-generated fuck flicks.

Being obsessed with celebrities is certainly nothing new and knowing there’s someone out there masturbating to a picture of your feet is one of the consequences of being famous. However, when you alter hardcore pornography to make it look like someone else is getting fucked things get a little bit more complicated.

Before I get off my high horse I want to point out that I did watch a lot of deep fakes before they were removed from my favorite websites. They’re intriguing and a testament to how advanced machine learning software has become. Still, it’s not something I would really masturbate to.

Fake celebrity porn has been on the internet about as long as regular porn and, like deep fakes, it’s fun to look at but more of a novelty. As far as erotic entertainment goes it’s just not as satisfying as regular porn.

At any rate it’s way easier to just masturbate to a porn start that looks like your favorite celebrity. Usually these professional adult performers are aware of the resemblance and even choose a stage name that rhymes with their Hollywood doppelganger.

Via vox.com

Image: Nicole Aniston in Girth In Her Shell: A XXX Parody by Brazzers

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Naked Dude Flying, Flight Turned Around

I don’t mind flying. It’s the quickest way to get from one place to another. I’m into efficiency and I don’t really get motion sickness or anything, so bring on the airplanes!

Know what would really piss me off though?

Being on a flight and having to turn the whole plane around because someone decided to be belligerent. Save that shit for when you’re on the ground. Don’t go crazy when you’re in the air because everyone else on that plane is going to start having an anxiety attack and act irrational right back at you.

Also, if you’re going to go crazy on a plane, you should probably keep your clothes on.

That seems like common sense though, right.

I don’t often write about people who have common sense though, so you know there’s one hell of a story coming.

An Alaskan Airlines flight to Seattle was turned back around to Anchorage when a passenger locked himself in the bathroom and started going crazy. Flight attendants said that he got naked, and several male passengers blocked the view of the man’s junk when the police in Anchorage boarded the aircraft to cart him away.

Yikes, Peepz.

That would be scary as fuck to me.

I’m wondering how the flight attendants discovered him in the bathroom. The news stories that I’m reading say that he wasn’t following their instructions, but there is no detail as far as what those instructions were.

Maybe, “Dude, put your fucking pants back on and fasten your safety belt?”

That would have been a good one to follow.

The Mile High Club is one of those fantasies that everyone talks about. Getting naked by yourself on a plane and starting to act like a crazy person is not the way to go about making that fantasy come true.

I’m not sure what the deal was with this guy, but hopefully he’ll get the help he needs while he’s locked up. My first assumption would be that he was messed up on some kind of drugs or something, but that’s just me starting rumors.

To paraphrase the illustrious Samuel L. Jackson, “I’ve had it with this motherfucking naked dudes on this motherfucking plane.”

Keep your clothes on in confined public places like that, Peepz. No one wants to deal with an emergency landing because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants.

Source: NY Post

Image: Lily Lovely in Tits on a Plane by Brazzers

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A Porhub Insights Retrospective On Super Bowl 52

Every year millions of Americans tune in to watch the Super Bowl. My interest in the NFL faded when my city’s team left for Los Angeles, but to be honest I probably wouldn’t have watched anyway. Sunday is my favorite day to make a nice hot batch of pizza rolls, close all the blinds, and do some serious porn watching.

However not everyone is as dedicated as me.

On February 4th most people watched the big game to either cheer for Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, or for whoever they were playing against. There were also Eagles fans eager to see their team win their first championship so they could run out and set the nearest overturned car on fire.

All this attention undoubtedly drew many sports fans away from their regular porn watching duties.

Major events like the Commercial Bowl often alter the way people watch porn. For those that are curious Pornhub Insights has collected the data and processed it into easy-to-digest graphs that show us how Super Bowl 52 affected internet porn traffic.

Around the country traffic dropped by as much as 28% during the game. After it was over Pornhub experienced a slight 9% increase in traffic, probably because the post-show coverage is boring and they only show all the leftover commercials that weren’t good enough. Though these averages for the entire country are interesting, when we look at each team’s home cities things get a little bit more interesting.

Both Boston and Philadelphia experienced a similar pattern as the rest of the country, but with more drastic extrema. What’s interesting is that according to the graph, the agony of defeat is more readily treated with masturbation than the joy of victory. After the game Boston experienced a 28% increase in traffic compared to only 13% in Philadelphia. Maybe they were too busy rioting to catch up with their favorite videos.

For a more in depth look at porn searches during the Super Bowl including popular football related search terms and what Canada was up to during the game, head over to Pornhub Insights to read the full write up.

Via pornhub.com/insights

Image: Amara Romani in Ass In The End Zone by Brazzers

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Four French Quarter Clubs Busted For Prostitution

Getting older has drastically changed how I approach partying. In college when I would go out there wasn’t a lot of thought behind it, it was just a matter of having enough money. Now that I’m a slightly older adult, things have become more complicated.

Staying up past midnight requires a lot of planning. A genetic predisposition to diabetes and awareness of my calorie intake can make a night out difficult when busy bartenders don’t have time to talk to me about low sugar mixers. Though I have substantially more money than I did when I was in school, going out and getting plastered is a rare treat.

In other words, going out as an adult is a big deal and it comes with higher expectations for a good time.

When you only cut loose a few times a year you’re going to need a few guarantees. While college students who go out every weekend may be ok with a night out being a dud, adults want to make sure they’re going to have a good time. That’s where drug dealers and prostitutes come into play.

However, as 4 clubs in New Orleans’ French Quarter found out, offering these amenities in your business carries a heavy risk.

The Big Easy isn’t just a location for Mardi Gras parties. It’s a year-round party destination for adults all over the country looking to have a good time. Like every other city where drinking is the primary attraction, it’s also heavily associated with hookup culture. People going to the French Quarter to party are trying to get laid and the best way to guarantee that is to pay for sex.

Unfortunately, that’s illegal in the United States. For allowing prostitutes to work in their clubs amongst other infractions, Stilettos, Hustlers Barely Legal, Hunks Oasis and Ricks Cabaret have been hit with heavy fines. At least nobody was lured into a booby trap.

The last time we read about someone using nudity to do illegal things in New Orleans, a woman attempted to rob an Uber driver using her breasts as bait. She summoned the man and requested he come to her door which she then answered naked. After accepting the invitation into her home, the driver was attacked by the woman’s boyfriend who tried to rob the victim at knife point.

Though the four clubs busted in a raid by The Louisiana Office of Alcohol and Tobacco Control weren’t doing anything this devious, for promoting prostitution, lewd acts, and illegal drug activity they had their liquor licenses suspended.

For clubs in one of the country’s busiest party destinations that’s a pretty heavy blow.

Via wwltv.com

Image: Asa Akira in Ep-2 Bonus Footage by Brazzers

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Sex Crisis Possible in Indonesia

Peepz, I know it’s not news to you, but there are religious zealot, conservative ass hats all over the world. Indonesia’s government has been a democracy since 1998 or 1999, depending on your source. Twenty years is not a whole lot of time in the scheme of things and while they’re working out the logistics of governing, they’re trying to pass legislation that doesn’t seem to be all that swift.

One grand piece of legislative magic that they are trying to pass would outlaw premarital sex, as well as homosexual acts. If it passes, the penalty for being convicted could include prison time of up to five years.

How fucking nuts is that?!?!?!?!?

Five years for riding some cock because you couldn’t commit to it for a lifetime?

I’d be in some serious trouble.

I totally get that people are having sex earlier than they probably should. I wrote about the whole virginity issue a few weeks ago. But when you outlaw something without providing truthful education, it seems to backfire.

Sexual prohibition for people who haven’t yet discovered their life partner is, for real, a terrible fucking idea. One of the reasons that Indonesia wants to outlaw that type of stuff is because they think it will solve the homosexuality “problem” that they believe they have.

The only homosexuality problem around those parts is the fact that people are being oppressed and closeted for fear of being arrested and killed.

It’s some serious bullshit.

If someone came into my house and was like, “Not only is your marriage a sham, but we’re about to lock you up because we’ve got some video footage of you finger banging this woman you’re calling your wife,” I’d probably punch them in the throat and go fucking nutso.

I’m glad that I live in a country that is making (small, baby) steps forward towards sexual equality for all…even if our government isn’t step for step fighting the good fight.

Here’s a PornHub clip from Indonesian pornstar Nyomi Marcela to get you ramped up and ready to fuck, whether you’re married or not.

Source: Time

Image: Harlow Harrison in Midwife Crisis by Brazzers

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Your Dentist May Soon Want To Talk To You About Sex, Flossing

I enjoy going to my dentist. My family has been going to the same one for decades and he always has a nice story about my father. Our dentist is like a family friend that chastises us about flossing and gives us free toothbrushes.

However, these friendly visits may be getting a little bit more serious if the Journal of the American Dental Association has their way.

According to a recently published article it may be time to dentists to talk to their patients about sex. While their focus has historically been mouth-related ailments, research suggests HPV is the cause of 72 percent of all oropharyngeal cancers which are those that effect the throat. Encouraging dentists to inquire about the HPV vaccine also requires them to pry into topics of sex that are normally none of their business.

Usually when a dentist starts asking you sexual questions with while stuffing their fingers in your mouth it’s time to bite down and start looking for a new practice. This new policy could change everything I know about stranger danger.

I suppose not all dentists are oblivious about sex.

We once read about a dentist from Taiwan who also happened to be an artist. Using his appreciation of both the beauty of life and the dental arts, he designed a retainer that made blow jobs more enjoyable. The device was designed to be fitted like a normal device but also included a series of textured bumps that would enhance any fellatio provided by the wearer.

At any rate, the research article suggested dentists should talk to patients about HPV but also confirmed that most of them would be uncomfortable doing so. When asked to cite a reason the most common was that they simply don’t know enough about HPV or the vaccine to make a recommendation.

Like most vaccines, the HPV vaccination is shrouded in a bit of controversy. Many groups have tried to link it to an early occurrence of reproductive cancers as it is recommended to be administered before adulthood.

Still, numerous medical groups agree the benefits outweigh the risks. With the American Dental Association poised to be one of them, your dentist may soon be very curious about your sex life as well as your brushing habits.

Via tampabay.com

Image: Candy Alexa in The Russian Dentist by Brazzers

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Masturbation Roll

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