My wife and I went to Orlando for vacation. We did hit up all the theme parks, but our favorite day was when we went to John F. Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral. I know you know that we’re the biggest geeks ever, but we legit got off on learning about space.
One of the things that fascinated us the most was how astronauts have to use the bathroom. You sit on a toilet bowl, buckle yourself in and then use a snake camera thing to position this vacuum sucker near your bits. Because there is no gravity, sometimes you have to wiggle yourself around to get everything out of your body and into the vacuum tube. I feel like we looked with wonder at that particular part of the exhibit for about an hour.
While we were standing there, my wife says, “What about jizz?”
“What about it?” I was confused as to why she was pondering dick goo.
“What happens to the jizz when you’re fucking in space? If straight up water turns into droplets, and pee has to be vacuumed up in order to go ‘down the drain’ what happens when you pump a pussy full of cum?”
I had no answer for her.
Maybe that’s why we haven’t colonized Mars yet.
In 1992, the United States sent up Nancy Jan Davis and Mark C. Lee after they had just gotten married. Can you imagine taking your honeymoon to the literal moon? That’d be sweet.
When they were asked about getting it on in the space shuttle, everyone was super tight lipped.
“That’s not any of your business,” is quoted all over the place.
Space pop shots most certainly are my business, right?
Who wouldn’t be curious about the logistics of space sex? How do you get that perfect balance of momentum while you’re thrusting so that you can get off but you don’t launch your partner across the room in zero gravity? Sex in space has to involve some kind of bondage so that at least one of the participants remains stationary. I didn’t come up with that myself though. That’s Neil deGrasse Tyson’s idea. He says in the source article linked below, “You need things like straps. Bring a lot of leather belts. Keep things strapped down and you’ll be just fine. There are probably some people who are fully equipped with this anyway.”
I’m sitting in the back of the classroom raising my hand and squirming like I’ve known the answer the whole time the teacher was talking.
PICK ME!!!! I WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT SPACE SLUT!
Even though I don’t want any space babies. I’m just in it for the bucket list adventure and the knotch on my bedpost.
Source: Genetic Literacy Project
Image: Alpha Harlot and Alix Van Dyke’s Private Stash
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