You know, Peepz, sometimes I feel like I write an awful lot about the goings on in New Jersey and Florida. There’s a joke that isn’t a joke around Jersey that when you turn 55 you turn into a snow bird and fly south for the winter. That leads me to believe that the whole “Florida is a pretty crazy place to live,” stuff is the fault of people who originally lived in Jersey.
If I said that out loud in public around here though, I’d be run out of town.
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written anything completely strange and perverse about Florida, so I guess the state is due….and this story is a bit of a doozy.
A man decided to break into a St. Petersburg restaurant called The Chattaway back on November 6th. He ended up stealing about $500 worth of materials (cash, a laptop and beer), eating a few chicken wings and helping himself to a beer. When the police reviewed the video surveillance at the owner’s request to try and catch the criminal, the officers realized that some guy eating chicken after hours was the least interesting break in that had happened that week.
The previous night, a completely different man also broke into the restaurant. The cops have identified him as a locally known homeless man whose name is not being released to the public. He didn’t steal anything, so no one is pressing charges. Instead he slipped through the gate surrounding the property and into grabs a set of bongo drums from an outside shed. After awhile, he breaks into the restaurant’s bathroom, takes his clothes off and then makes himself at home by heating up a bowl of instant noodles that he brought for just such an occasion.
I’m not going to lie, eating noodles while naked outside is pretty much my idea of a good time. Noodles are much easier to slurp when you don’t have to worry about getting your clothes all saucy. Naked with Noodles will either be the name of my band or the next sex position that my wife and I try. I’ll let you know how convincing I have to be to make that happen at a later date.
I think that The Chattaway needs a new security system or, you know…locks on all the doors or something. You know that wasn’t the first time the naked bongo man took the naturist tour of the facilities. Getting naked and playing bongos requires a bit of balls. It is no longer a chicken wing snatch and grab once you start pulling the musical instruments out of storage and doing your best Phil Collins interpretation while in the buff.
Also…I’ve got my fingers crossed that there was a heavy clean up happening once they realized that man balls had been in direct contact with some of the seating.
Here’s a PornHub video involving restaurant sex because it’s topical and porno makes me happy.
Source: News Channel 9
Image: Sadie Pop in Fresh Pussy Special by Reality Kings
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