The quiet, rural Jersey a few miles away from where I live is up in arms because there’s a peeper/streaker (and not the good kind) on the loose. News vans have been all over the place scoping out the main thoroughfares waiting for this guy to make his presence known again. While I’m pretty sure that he’s avoiding heavily populated areas, the media is all over this story like white on rice.
Over the weekend, my wife and I were out and about one of our favorite parks. Pokemon Go community day was happening and we were catching all the things. We were going to be meeting up with a group of other people that play, but we were running a little bit late because sex happens when she and I shower together. I love a double shower.
We were about to finish up and head back towards the car when we heard a rustling in the bushes to the right of my car. A head popped out of the bushes looking around super suspicious. By the time that I was able to say, “What the fuck is that?” and my wife turned to look, the guy had disappeared again.
I text our friends that we were headed over to the basketball courts and I swore I heard the same noise, but when I looked over at the bushes, there was nothing there. Super fucking creepy.
Now Peepz before I continue this fairly obvious story, I’d like to remind you that, it’s November in New Jersey. There is no heat wave going on. The high was 42 (degrees Fahrenheit) and the low was 31. It was the chilliest day of the season so far. We were bundled up in hats, scarves, gloves and our winter coats.
Why anyone would want to run through a park totally naked is completely beyond me…
But that’s exactly what happened next.
I’m assuming that all the rustling in the bushes was this dickhead taking off his clothes and preparing his polar bear run across the open field. My wife yells, “The fucking streaker!” as he’s like two steps out of his cover. Everyone looks over at us…checks out the guy’s flacid peen (I’m assuming that’s what they did? I mean, that’s what I did) and you see dozens of soccer moms poke at their cell phones calling the cops. Five or six men started running towards him, but the guy took.off. Like I’ve never physically seen someone run so fast in my life.
It was crazy.
The cops showed up two minutes later and we gave our statements (I hate talking to cops btw) but they still haven’t found him. I kind of hope that they catch this guy soon. Everyone is hyper aware of things that are going on outdoors and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to fuck my wife when no one is watching.
Note: I’m not posting a source article because it’s a little bit too close to home for me. I don’t care if you google and sleuth stuff out yourself…but I feel like linking would be irresponsible.
Also, if you want to be friends on PoGo, hit me up and I’ll send you my trainer code.
Image: Running Buddies by Brazzers
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