I love reading the advice that Stoya gives in her Slate column How to Do It. She seems to give sound, thought out advice most of the time. Her life experience and perspective give her a unique insight into the world of sexuality. She’s also really well spoken so sometimes her words sound like poetry.
In one of her recent columns, a male reader brought up his own blooming bisexuality. My DMs on twitter get flooded with the subject occasionally, so I figured I’d bring the conversation over here so that we can talk it out semi-anonymously.
The reader writes:
I am a 68-year-old man who has been married to a woman for 45 years, with three grown kids. Over the course of our marriage, we have been very active sexually, but for various reasons over the past five or six years, our sexual activity has declined dramatically. At the same time, over the past few years, I have become fascinated with same-sex encounters. Is this unusual, especially this late in life? How should approach this with my wife?
Stoya and her advice giving partner Rich Juzwiak note that the man writing in uses the word “fascinated,” which is positive, rather than putting a negative, guilt ridden spin on what his evolution has brought on.
They suggest that he have a conversation with his wife about his sexuality as well as what she is comfortable with within their relationship. He is not saying that he is obsessing over having an encounter with a man, he’s admitting that he’s fascinated with it. In monogamous relationships, some fantasies need to be negotiated in order to be achieved.
There have been so many times that men have slid into my DMs asking for advice on this same topic. Stoya and Rich definitely thought out the whole situation much more than I ever had, suggesting talking it out in therapy and being cautious about wording. I’ve always suggested being completely open all at once, but maybe that’s not the answer. Like so many trials in relationships, the answer is in communication and taking everyone’s feelings into consideration during big reveals. Maybe coming out as bi-curious isn’t as dramatic of a situation as we all think it is. Perhaps his wife has had her own fantasies that she would like to discuss and bring to the table.
What do you Peepz think? Have you ever had any fantasies about hooking up with a gender that is similar to your own? Has sharing those fantasies ever been part of your relationship?
Let me know in the comments below, or hit me up on twitter with your thoughts.
Source: Slate
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