Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
In its recent dissection of Anthony Weiner’s latest sexting scandal, the New York Post provides a detailed account not only of Weiner’s words, but the emojis used to communicate his surreptitious desires.
In response to a message in which his sexting partner sent Weiner a picture of herself wearing jeans with a rip in the bottom and the text “buns of steel,” for example, Weiner reportedly responded with “I’ll need a bigger hole” and “a smiling emoji with its tongue sticking out.”
Very clever, Carlos!
I’m not too handy with the whole symbolic texting thing, myself. If I ever need to know which emoji is the appropriate one for communicating that I’ve just ruined my spouse’s career by indiscriminately sending people pictures of my genitals, for example, I might have to consult with Mr. Weiner.
(Note to self: When seeking this consultation, I must remember to pretend I’m a man….)
Odd; Huma Just Sent Me A Scissors Emoji And Pic Of Some Guy Named ‘Bobbitt’
Here’s an idea: If your wife is working in an important capacity for someone who is very likely soon to be elected as the President of the United States, maybe it’s not such a bad idea to keep your digital dick in your cyber-pants until Wednesday, November 9.
On the other hand, it might be a good thing for Weiner’s wiener that his wife is something of a public figure. If nothing else, this fact makes it a lot harder for her to cut off his penis and throw it out the window of a moving vehicle without anybody noticing.
If I were Huma Abedin, public figure or not, I’d be tempted to start sending Weiner some emojis of my own. Instead of smiley faces with their tongues stuck out, however, I’d go with a pair of scissors and ketchup-covered hot dog. This might be too subtle for a repeat-offending bonehead like Tony, but I’m sure Huma can count on him forwarding it to a sexting partner who will explain it to him.
Getting Better With Tech, But Still Shit In The Judgment Department
If there’s a bright spot in this latest tawdry chapter of the Carlos Danger saga, it’s a small indication Weiner might be getting a better handle on his favorite communications technologies and platforms.
At one point in their exchange, Weiner frets he might have fucked up (again) by accidentally publishing his naughty pictures in public view.
“Ooooooh…. I was scared,” Weiner wrote. “For half a second I thought I posted something.”
“O I see,” the woman wrote back. “You thought you posted on your TL [timeline] not DM [direct message]. Shit happens be careful.”
Yes, “shit” does happen – including shit like the person you send ‘private’ messages to deciding those messages don’t really need to remain private, after all.
If you’re Anthony Weiner, a man who has already humiliated himself repeatedly through misuse of technology, it’s no wonder you’d be concerned about screwing up again. Why this quite reasonable nervousness didn’t also prevent him from sending pictures of his barely-veiled-by-BVDs erection to an online acquaintance is for his shrink to figure out – assuming Weiner can still afford to see one by the time the dust settles on he and Huma’s community property settlement, that is.
Just Wait: Somehow, Porn Will Be Blamed
I can see this coming a mile away: By the time Weiner’s whole pathetic tale has been fully told, porn is going to be blamed for the misadventures of Carlos Danger.
It might not be Weiner himself who offers up porn addiction as the excuse/explanation for his repeated extramarital sexting, but someone will go there.
Someone will go on TV (I’m guessing on Fox News, but a little leftwing anti-porn handwringing on Rachel Maddow’s show is another distinct possibility, I suppose) to declare Weiner’s actions to be part of a “disturbing trend” and more evidence of the “pornification” of American society.
There will follow some blurred images of possible nudity, as a gravel-voiced narrator recites some impressive-sounding (but completely unsourced) statistical claims about porn, possibly even the enduring line of unsubstantiated bullshit about porn being a “$97 billion a year industry,” something which has never been true, and sure as hell isn’t true in an age where every single one of the most popular porn sites charges precisely $0 to watch content thereon.
You might also hear Weiner’s travails blamed on excessive drinking, or codependency, or sex addiction, or ADHD, or illegal immigration, or maybe even radical Islam (hey, his soon to be ex-wife does work for the person who co-founded ISIS, after all).
Hell, we’ve already heard Donald Trump say whomever or whatever might be to blame for Weiner’s behavior, it all reflects very badly on his opponent’s judgment, because clearly it’s totally reasonable (not to mention imminently Presidential) to hold people responsible for the bad behavior of their employees’ spouses.
What you probably won’t hear, amazingly, is many people speaking the simple, nearly-naked truth about Weiner: This aptly-named fellow is just an unrepentant dick.
Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:
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