Oh Good; Jon Gosselin Is A Male Stripper Now

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Last Week On Insta: Melissa Lori, Honey Gold, & More +++

Creepy Craigslist Coachella Ad Is Basically Serial Killer Victim Bait

I can’t tell if this is ad is a prank or if this dude is the next antagonist in an episode of SVU. It puts “pulled form the headlines” in a whole new light. Also, keep this pic in mind the whole time you read it, because it will put everything in perspective:

Here’s a screenshot of the ad (I wrote it out below so you Peepz don’t have to kill your eyes):

Shudder.

Here’s the ad in full for those of you without bionic eyes [comments in bold are mine]:

Ok here’s the deal. I have a VIP Pass for Weekend 2. I’m willing to give it away for free [it’s not free when you have to do things in exchange] to the right person. I’m looking for a travel “companion” that can enjoy the festival with me and just have a good time. I left my job as Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation and subsequently divorced my wife of 11 years.

I cashed out my 401k and decided that moving forward, my life is all about having fun! No more team meetings, no more employee evaluations, no more balance sheets, no more darn conference calls at 7am [they don’t fuck around at Soup Plantation]. JUST FUN! I have a room at the Tropics Motor Motel in Indio Thursday through Monday. If you believe you can meet the below criteria, please shoot me an email and describe why you think you make the best fit. I appreciate your time and look forward to finding the right “one”!

1. Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25.

2. Must be comfortable traveling in a Recreational Vehicle (Vintage Shasta Chinook 3100 – pic attached).

3. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband [so racist, dude], small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).

4. Preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists on phone we can listen to on ride over. [Whaa, you can’t make your own playlist? Why does the “one” have to do all the work?]

5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times. [It puts the lotion in the basket.]

6. Must be open-minded and opportunistic. [Are you sure opportunistic is the word you were going for here? Maybe you meant adventurous.]

7. Must be ok with public hand-holding (perhaps during certain sensual songs and while walking into the festival initially). [Gotta make that first good impression.]

8. Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painting and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit. [Oh God, we’re starting to inch towards the serial killer vibe.]

9. I will provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches but if you have additional snacks and/or drinks…BIG BONUS! [The “one” must do everything even provide snacks!]

10. Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers (violation of this rule results in immediate removal of Tropic Motor Motel room privileges and maybe even return ride).

11. Periodic moments of extended eye contact.

12. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).

13. Must not be into drugs, pot ok. [How can anyone go through this list without the help of mucho drugs?]

14. Must take a minimum of four photos of us together and post them to your Instigram account.

15. Any personal grooming such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application must be done in my presence. [Yup, there’s that serial killer vibe I know and love.]

16. At least once during festival, you must allow me to carry you on my shoulders so you can see stage better (perfect time for instigram photo!)

17. At least twice during festival you must tell me in a playful manner that ”I am naughty”.

18. At some point in time during the festival you must tell me that “you didn’t know how this would go, but you’re actually having a really good time”. [“I didn’t know how this would go, but I’m just glad I’m alive.]

19. At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower. [That’s a classic power move in romcoms AND in horror flicks.]

20. Must be ready to party and HAVE FUN!

See what I mean, it’s impossible to tell if this guy is a genius prankster or if he’s definitely planning on killing someone.

Serial killer jokes aside can we take a second here and look at what he’s offering. I looked it up and Coachella VIP passes are 899$. So he’s basically offering someone approximately 900$ to be is willing slave for an entire weekend. Clearly, this dude has no idea what a weekend with an escort is worth.

At minimum and I mean at the very, very minimum any escort worth her salt would charge 1,500$ (and that’s a low estimate) a day on top of the free ticket, plus free food and accommodations. And that’s just for regular vanilla sex, with this guy’s extensive list of demands I would triple that daily rate at the very least.

This guy’s list of demands are so specific and odd that I don’t know anyone in the sex biz who would take him up on his offer.

I’m not saying this guy is a deviant for wanting any of these things and fantasizing about them, because there’s nothing wrong with that (except maybe try to dream bigger, guy… having the typical Coachella experience sounds like a nightmare to me is what I’m saying.)

The reason this guy is a deviant is that he thinks offering a girl young enough to be his daughter a “free” ticket to Coachella in exchange for satisfying all his needs is enough incentive. Way to low ball, dude. Way to low ball.

Via complex.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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Hump Day, GIF Day: Angela White Gets You Through The Week

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Adriana Chechik Has Done Everything In Porn

Fucking, Chechik.

I’ve written about how much I love Kayden Kross and Manuel Ferrara’s comedy YouTube channel Porn Soup before. That ish is fucking hilarious.

I was just catching up on the latest videos on YouTube and I noticed that Lily Labeau has been in a few Porn Soup vids with Kayden. I’m so glad she’s back in the porn world!

As far as I know, Lily hadn’t officially retired, but for a few years there she took a step back to focus on other endeavors. It’s just lately that I’ve started seeing more of her on social media and I’m so glad to be seeing her again.

Not only is Lily gorgeous and an amazing porn performer, but it turns out she’s also quite funny. I hope Lily continues to star in Porn Soup vids.

Check out video:

“Seven years is a long time.” Hahaha! 

Adriana Chechik doing EVERYTHING. Seriously, is there anything this girl can’t do?:

This is an old video, but I’m glad Lily Labeau is back and getting involved with porn again. Sigh, this video of Lily and Skin Diamond is so hot. I can’t feel the heat coming off the screen:

And of course there’s Kayden. Kayden and Stoya, partners in porn and partners in porn. Even when she’s wearing sweats and comfy slipper boots Kayden is one of the hottest women in the world. How she does it is a mystery:

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Top 10: Reasons Why Peepz Should Swallow!

There are lot of reasons to swallow sperm, but only one that really matters to Lola Byrd. Scroll to the end to find out, what’s the number one reason why I swallow cum. #SLURP.

10. It lowers blood pressure: 

Yeah, that would probably cause a hike in blood pressure as far as I’m concerned, but it’s been shown that swallowing on a regular basis actually reduced high blood pressure. The more you know .

9. It prevents morning sickness: 

Unless the idea of tiny jizz soldiers marching down your throat makes you want to puke.

It sounds like fake science, but psychologist Gordon Gallup says swallowing the sperm of the dude who impregnated you will help build up tolerance with the semen that is growing a baby in your body.

8. You can cook with it: 

Yum, semen flan!

Just because you can cook with it, does it mean you have to?

7. It’s an anti-aging agent:

Why pay hundreds of dollars for face creams when you can just ask some stranger to jizz on your face?!

Zinc to the rescue, semen contains zinc, which is has anti-aging properties. Go forth and get facials!

6. It prevents tooth decay:

If this is what my dental hygienist/dentist looked like I would go get a cleaning every 6 months instead of once a year.

Cause it contains ish like calcium and zinc semen can prevent tooth decay.

5. It cures insomnia: 

This is what insomnia looks like.

Semen contains melatonin, which is known to put people to sleep. IT’S TRUE, it induced relaxation!

4. It’s a natural antidepressant: 

That girl looks happy.

According to a study done by evolutionary psychologists at the State University of New York exposure to semen makes women less likely to be depressed.

3. It’s a multivitamin: 

Ewwwwwwww! This reminds me of a HORRIBLE story I heard as a teenager. But for realz, though, sperm contains lots of vitamins:

One teaspoon of semen contains over 200 proteins. It also contains a ton of vitamins and minerals, including vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, citric acid, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc.

Bonus: These are the only two that matter courtesy of Lola’s brain. 

2. Spitting is for quitters: 

If Christians says it’s true, there’s really no arguing.

1. It’s hot!

As far as I’m concerned that’s the only reason anyone needs.

Image: Gabriella Fox in Sexy Hot by Digital Playground

Via thefrisky.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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Morning Jerk Before Work: Have You Met Holly Hendrix?

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Masturbation Roll

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Sydney Graham Has Gorgeous Pierced Nipples For Humanity

Credit card companies are insane. For a really long time I couldn’t get credit, because I fucked up back when I was in uni and I almost had to declare bankruptcy to get out of the mess I had created for myself. Fortunately I didn’t have to go bankrupt, but my credit rating for still shit for a few years.

Not having credit cards was actually kind of great, I learned how to budget my money and I never had any debts. But then came the day when I credit rating wasn’t so bad and I decided to get a card to get my rating back up in case I ever wanted to ask for a car or house loan.

I went from having zero credit cards to two credit cards with a combined limit that just keeps increasing. At first, I told myself I would use it and immediately pay off the balance just so I could accumulate points and get free stuff. That’s how I rolled for a few months, but I slowly started buying more stuff that I could pay back right away and now I’m paying interest on a few thousand dollars.

I’m not in financial shit yet, but I’m at that point where I’ve told myself that I can no longer use my card until I start paying off some of the capital.

The worse is that I didn’t even splurge on something fun and/or substantial. I just bought random junk here and there. With all the money I spent I could have could have brought a picture of Sydney Graham’s boobs to a plastic surgeon and told him to go nuts. Now, there’s a purchase that would have given me some bang for my buck.

Click on images below for larger versions:

Via itr2010.org – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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Nicki Minaj Wears the Fuck Out of Latex…Also, Swallows

I love it when kinky things infiltrate pop culture. Back when I was 18, fresh faced and ready to get my BDSM on, the only place you would see a woman wearing a latex outfit was behind closed doors.

There are plenty of mainstream celebrities who have smothered their bodies in baby powder in order to show off every single curve imaginable…but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that none of them has turned me on as much as the luscious ass of Nicki Minaj.

Nicki is on the top of her game all over again. She doesn’t have to do much to see the money roll in. That’s part of her charm, I guess. She’s rocking a few different outfits in the video for Jason Derulo’s new song Swalla. My favorite happens to be a figure hugging, blood red, latex bikini. Her verse starts at 2:25 in the below video, but if you skip ahead you’re going to be missing out on a whole lot of eye candy.

The video has everything you want in a Fur coats, flashy cars, smoking hot women eating candy or covering themselves in paint and little else…I’m into the visual for sure. Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me if they’re singing about drinking alcohol or swallowing jizz. It’s a party that I would totally attend.

At one point, Nicki does that whole down on all fours with her ass up in the air thing that she did in her Anaconda video and it makes me swoon every time.

What do you Peepz thing? Are you down with Nicki all dolled up in skin tight fetish gear?

Let me know in the comments…in the meantime, enjoy some for real latex porn courtesy of the good folks at PornHub.

Source: Rolling Stone

Image: Screenshot from video

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Fap Along With Harlot: Pull Over and Fuck Me

I took a bit of a road trip last weekend. I needed to clear my head and get back to basics for a few hours. Even though I was all by myself, I can always keep myself occupied. I pulled over into a rest stop on the highway about 2 hours away from my house and started going at my pussy like it was going out of style. I had forgotten how much I loved cumming in my car. I guess since I used to do it so much at my old job, it kind of lost it’s novelty after doing it daily for 10 years.

When I got home from my solo jaunt, I decided to immediately jump onto PornHub to pull up some car porno to share with you Peepz. You ready to explode with me? Let’s Fap!

There’s a lot of conversation in this first clip. I’m usually a fan of videos that are all action, but the fact that the redhead in the driver’s seat masturbates with a toothbrush while she is driving was reason enough for me to include the clip in this post.

Chloe Addison is a surfer babe with a healthy sexual appetite. She starts showing of her snatch while they’re eating lunch, but by the time that they get back to his car, she’s stripped down to nothing and ready to ride.

A wad of cash ends up making Ada Sanchez’s huge titties bounce up and down while she is reclining in the back seat of a car. She’s screaming for more even when other cars pass them by and start peeking in their windows. It’s hot as hell to watch her take the thick slab of meat.

If a babe in a bikini is stranded and looking for help, you just might get lucky enough to take part in a porno fantasy like this one. She’s a bleach-blonde cock sucker with a shaved snatch that’s aching to get stuffed with dick.

Diamond Kitty and Phoenix Marie have a threesome to remember in this next clip. They’re driving around in the back of a limo with the windows down, talking to strangers on the street while they’re bumping and grinding. In true Brazzers fashion, there are orgasms all around, especially here on my couch.

That’s all for me this week, Peepz. I hope you get super excited the next time you hop in a car to commute to work.

Image: Shyla Stylez in Dirty Car Sales Woman by Brazzers

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