The Other Third Were Too Busy Eating Cheetos To Have Sex

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Want to Teach Sex Ed? Move to Finland

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Swiss City Praises Successful Drive-In Brothel Project

Far be it for a porn blog to use news articles about people getting their dicks suck in things to constantly discuss politics. Unless a politician accidentally likes one of their favorite porn clips on Twitter, I usually refrain from discussing anything overly topical. However, one issues many of us feel strongly about is the legalization of sex work.

It’s not just about being against laws that only exist because of the religious morals of a few being forced onto the general public. If it doesn’t hurt anyone, people should be free to do whatever they please with their genitals. The fact that legalized sex work also provides safer environments for prostitutes and Johns is just a bonus.

In a much more indirect way it also reduces violent crimes against women and illegal human trafficking around the world. Proponents of legalized prostitution have long argued that taking something that’s going to exist anyway and letting the government regulate it is simply more beneficial to everyone. For proof we can simply look at Switzerland.

Government regulated prostitution has been such a success in the city of Zurich that the city is doubling down on their drive-in sex booths were clients can pull up and receive service.

Since voters first approved the “sex boxes” back in 2012, the project has been hailed as a great success. The government spends $800,000 a year maintain the booths which is a testament to not only how much revenue prostitution brings in, but also how much it benefits the greater good.

Prostitution has been legal in Switzerland since the 1940s, and efforts by the government to support it has been stated to help prevent human trafficking and violence against sex workers. Plus, drive through brothels are just awfully convenient if you’re into that kind of thing.

The whole idea of pulling into a private booth to exchange money for services really excites me as an American. An iconic image of our 1950s drive-in culture is pulling into a parking space while a car hop on roller skates pulls up to take an order.

Throw sex into the equation with the prospect of getting it without ever having to get out of the car and I’m all in.

Via dailymail.co.uk

Image: Penny Pax in Sweet Cheeks by Brazzers

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My Wife Gets Spanked, I Take Pictures

On Saturday night, one of our kinky friends came over for a playdate. I’m going through this mental thing right now where I’m not so into the pain of BDSM, but that doesn’t mean that I’m about to ruin my wife’s good time. There are tons of things I can do while she’s busy stripping down and getting spanked by a guy we’re cool with, namely taking pictures of said act.

We met the lucky guy last year at a kink convention. I’ve written about him before. He’s the guy who pulled my hair and teased my tits while his boner was bulging into my asscrack. This time around, there was no Harlot touching though. It’s more fun for me to hide behind the camera and experience the sensations my wife is feeling through the lens.

They had discussed the scene before hand. She was looking for impact play with implements (so flogging or paddling) and possibly her first over the knee spanking. He had purchased some candles that he was itching to try out, so they also did some wax play.

You know what I didn’t expect?

My stomach got a little bit jealous when he started playing with her tits.

I’m not a jealous person under normal circumstances. My wife and I communicate to a fault, so it wasn’t like I was going to hide my jealousy from her. It seemed a little silly to me that my wife was totally naked in our living room with a 20 something male standing behind her bare ass and the one thing that squigged me out was the fact that he was touching her nipples.

I started snapping pictures as soon as I felt the squirm. I knew I needed to focus on the task at hand and then talk about my feelings with my wife after the fact. Her tits being touched was not a big deal, my mind and body were being irrational because “I” wanted to be the one who was giving her that pleasure. It was a put up or shut up moment for me. Do I want to be the person that provides my wife with her BDSM sessions? Do I want to sit on the sidelines and provide photographic evidence after the fact?

The decision is totally mine and I’m not sure what I want to do about it yet. I’ll keep you posted. Here are a handful of the images that I took of my wife on Saturday. She’s hot, tattooed and she looks pretty amazing covered in wax.

I’m kind of hoping that my wife makes another date with this guy soon. I think I may have had as much fun as they did. We’ll see if I participate in the action next time.

Image: Harlot’s Private Stash

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Body Cam Films Cop Having Sex On The Job

Having sex at work is one of those fantasies that really resonates with some people. Most never act on their urges and are content with the thrill of having an office crush or work spouse to flirt with. However, there are a few of the brave and the bold who risk everything to carry out an affair at the workplace.

Usually these people are smart enough to not film their forbidden sexual encounter with work-issued equipment and store the footage on the computer in their office, but not when dealing with an employee of the Pinal County Sheriff’s Office in Arizona.

Former police commander Anthony Doran was terminated from his position with the Pinal County Sheriff’s office after an investigation turned up more than 36 gigabytes of personal data including porn and pictures of his penis. The coup de grâce that may have helped lead to his termination was footage of him having sex with a woman in his office that he filmed with his police-issued body cam. Oops.

While the officer doesn’t deny he did anything wrong, he feels as though his actions didn’t warrant his termination. Considering we’ve seen Sheriff’s office employees fired for less, we aren’t sure that’s true.

Earlier this year we read about a woman from New Jersey who was fired from her job as an officer in the Hudson County Sheriff’s office in New Jersey after it was discovered she previously stared as a dominatrix in a porno film. Kristen Hymen never even appeared nude in the film and was an aspiring actress when she got the gig dressing up and holding a whip in a softcore porno. When a superior discovered the video while doing independent research on dominatrix porn, he immediately fired Hymen.

Meanwhile in Arizona, Doran was most likely fired because of an investigation into his former department by the state. Apparently, the Pinal County Sheriff’s office has made a habit of hiring officers who have previously been fired from other departments for misconduct.

When it was discovered these officers were trying to reenact scenes from Super Troopers on tax payers’ dime, someone had to be held accountable. This time it was the guy having sex in his office and filming it with his body cam. C’est la vie.

Via azcentral.com

Image: Bridgette B in Good Cop, Bad Girl by Brazzers

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Lena Dunham Gets Naked on Instagram

Masturbation Roll

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Fap Along With Harlot: Lubed

One of my friends was asking me about lubes the other day, so after I did some research for him, I ended up on PornHub knee deep in the thick, viscous stuff. There’s nothing like slippery sex and I’ve uncovered the PornHub channel to prove it.

The clips that Lubed puts out are all about sliding. Suntan oil, baby oil…cooking oil…it doesn’t matter. If it gets the friction down to a minimum, they’re going to film it.

I’ve put together a set of five clips for us to cum to today. Are you ready to fap? Crack open the coconut oil and let’s get Lubed!

Lilly Ford is having the time of her life with a few bottles of oil. She slips all over a bench while her cameraman and stunt cock both take their turns. Her smile makes it for me. Her pussy is great and everything, but she’s got a genuine grin on her face that I can’t help but return.

Petite hottie Kenzie Kai is all about getting her orgasm on in the outdoors. She masturbates on a slip and slide before she’s joined by a well hung stud that wants to stuff her holes.

It’s always nice to have a helping hand when you’re getting slicker than fish grease. Emily Willis knows that she needs some assistance reaching some of her sweet spots, and she has no trouble begging at exactly the right moment.

Throw down your best plastic tarp, it’s time to watch Kimmy Granger get naughty. She gets so loud in this video that I had to turn down the volume a smidge because my neighbors were home. I love watching her get her ass eaten out while she’s rolling her eyes into the back of her head.

I’m going to finish up this Fap Along list with a cream pied pop shot that will leave you aching. Whether Kristen Scott is going at it solo or with a fuck buddy, she’s smoking hot and ready for action.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. If you’d like a Fap Along list of your very own, hit me up in the comments below or get in touch on twitter. I’ll see you next time.

Image: Reagen Foxx in Oil Spill Thrills by Brazzers

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Want To Make Your Man Cringe? Read Him The News – Selectively

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Don’t Drop This Soap

I love surprises. Grab bag type retail situations are my jam.

“Oh, I’m going to give you a bit of money and you’re going to throw a whole bunch of shit into a neat care package and ship it off to me? Yes please! I’ll take two!”

I get bored of the same type of things though, so I’m not exactly an ideal subscription box consumer. As long as I am into everything that I get in my beauty bag, bark box or tyranosaur tote, I’m golden. Send me one shitty batch and I’ll delete my credit card info from your website so fast you won’t be able to say, “Are you sure you want to cancel?”

Sometimes my friends post pictures of their subscription boxes online and I get box envy. There was a neat Loot Crate back last year some time that I ended up over paying for after the fact because I wanted the bullshit inside it so much.

I…don’t even remember what the stuff was at this point, so obviously I should have held onto my money.

My other bookish twitter feed blew up last week because a subscription based service called Book Boyfriend Box sent out subscription box to celebrate the release of the newest volume of The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer. The box included a cup with a straw, a tote bag or a pillowcase, a lip balm, a bookmark, a button…and a soap shaped like a dick.

The peen soap came from the etsy shop of Lunar Bazaar and, I mean…it’s cute and all…kind of bachelorette party chic which some people are totally into, no judgement here.

My issue is that the soap came with a suction cup attached to it.

Don’t fuck soap, Peepz. Even if it’s shaped like a dick.

It’s not good for your body’s Ph and it’s a lame way to irritate your naughty bits.

Also, the Lunar Chronicles are a Young Adult book. While the word “adult” is legit in the description, so is the word young. Not really cool for teenage fans of the series that are looking to get some swag. There are absolutely disclaimers on the website saying that some of the Book Boyfriend Boxes are NSFW, so it’s whatever, I guess. This is apparently the first time that they have actually included genitalia in the package though.

Hehehe
Package.

Source: Electric Literature

Image: Cathy Heaven in Soapy Self Care by Brazzers

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Brewery Creates Beer That May Boost Your Sex Drive

I drink beer for a lot of very specific reasons, the most notable being to signal to other adults that I’m ready to have a good time. My usually preference is Bud Light because it doesn’t taste like anything and opening one immediately makes me feel like I’m in a Toby Keith music video. Beer snobs may scoff at it, but that doesn’t stop them from reaching into my cooler and taking a few of them. After all, at the bottom line the purpose of beer is to get you drunk.

Thanks to an English brewing company based in Dorset, however, that may soon change.

The Cerne Abbas Brewery has introduced a beer infused with watercress, a pungent edible aquatic plant with a peppery taste. The green leafy superfood is rich in vitamins A, B, C and E and is also associated with increased virility. The earthy kick added to the beer by its presence is suggested to boost one’s sex drive according to the brewery.

With the well documented “Beer Goggles” effected associated with standard brews, adding a potentially potent boner inducer to the equation is an intriguing venture.

Dubbed Watercress Warrior, the beer is a collaboration between its brewer and The Watercress Company, a specialist in the nutrient packed superfood. According to one of their employees, “watercress is a fabulous health food packed full of vitamins and nutrients that help boost fertility. The ale itself is delicious, it’s very fruity with a peppery kick.”

This sounds less a more natural alternative to another kind of erection brew we read about a while back.

Bestherbs Coffee LLC was notable for marketing a brand of coffee advertised as being a male sex enhancer. Rather than messing around with naturally occurring plant compounds, they decided to just infuse their coffee with a chemical “structurally similar” to the active ingredient of Viagra. After realizing the mixture of caffeine and drugs that mess with blood pressure was a lawsuit waiting to happen, the company pulled their boner coffee from the market.

Meanwhile Cerne Abbas’ Watercress Warrior is still available for £3.00 a bottle for those of you in the UK. If you happen to appreciate the bitter bite of watercress, then it’s certainly worth a try.

Consider it an added benefit if it also gets you in the mood for drunken beer sex.

Via irishpost.com

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Pornhub Insights On Extreme Categories

Extreme is a very subjective word. Sports are a notable example. An extreme sport to me is pretty much any unnecessary movement that occurs outdoors while to others it entails riding a bicycle down an abandoned roller coaster track. It all depends on the individual, and the same can be said about porn.

When our favorite sexy number crunchers at Pornhub Insights were asked to compile some information on extreme porn, they had to first sit back and figure out what that even means. To some people, simple penetration is extreme. To others, X-rated reenactments of the sex scenes from 50 Shades of Grey are mundane foreplay.

With these variables in mind, they decided on three categories to be extreme porn: Hardcore, Fetish, and Rough Sex. After dominating the data, they compiled their findings into helpful graphs for us to mull over.

The first thing they pointed out was that, these three categories have experienced a decline in popularity over the years. Out of 90 available categories on Pornhub, Rough Sex, Fetish, and Hardcore currently rank at 35, 69, and 33 respectively. It’s worth noting this doesn’t necessarily indicate a decline in interest. These numbers could also mean other unextreme categories have simply grown at a much faster rate.

Looking at the individual categories it’s clear fetish porn is more popular with our older Pornhub visitors and is relatively gender neutral. Baby boomers are well known for their niche porn preferences so nothing too shocking here.

Hardcore porn on the other hand is more popular with younger visitors with women being 75% more likely to browse the good stuff than men. Hmm!

The trend continues with rough sex porn. We occasionally read surveys that indicate women are starting to watch more porn than ever before. If this information is any indication, they’re clearly here for the really good stuff.

For a more in depth look at interesting statistics from both extreme and mild mannered categories of internet pornography, head over to Pornhub Insights to read more.

Via pornhub.com/insights

Image: Kalina Ryu in Kalina Loves It Rough by Brazzers

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Don’t Feed Your Jizz to Your Boss

I’m down for cum eating. As long as you don’t eat a diet of straight up asparagus and black coffee, I’m probably down to take a taste of what happens to be dripping out of your dick. My only rule is that you tell me when you’re about to blow because I like a little bit of warning before my throat gets coated with splooge.

It’s just common courtesy, you know?

Plenty of people love to eat cum as long as it’s presented to them consensually. Serving someone your spunk without their knowledge is definitely not the right way to get kinky, especially if it’s done out of spite.

A sixty-two-year-old man named Robert Tyson is being charged with misdemeanor battery because his cum “ended up” in his boss’ coffee mug. By “ended up,” I mean that he angrily jacked off his cock into a specimen container, snuck into her office, dropped a jizz bomb into her cup and then because he wasn’t cool with the way she was running the ship.

That’s super gross, Peepz.

The Florida man (yeah…I know, sorry Sunshine State…I love your theme parks and vacation within you often, but your natives are always coming up in the craziest perverse news stories) then confessed his dirty deed to Human Resources in an email because he was repulsed with himself.

He wrote, “I put a couple of drops of semen in her water. Yes, semen. Why semen? Why put anything at all in there? I-DO-NOT-KNOW!!! I-JUST-DO-NOT-KNOW!!!”

I mean, my guess is that he feels superior as a man and wanted his female boss to consume his jizz to psychologically prove his superiority both in the bedroom and in the office….

But I only took Psychology 101 in college so I mean, that’s just a guess.

Don’t spitefully feed your jizz to people. That seems logical? If you’ve got the notion that you are going to jizz into a cup and then slip it into the coffee cup of one of your coworkers…don’t. Shoot me a DM on twitter instead and I’ll talk you the fuck out of that behavior.

Here’s a bukkake clip from PornHub because all this cum guzzling talk has me feeling thirsty.

Source:

Image: Britney Shannon in Whatever the Boss Wants by Brazzers

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Cops Fucking on the Clock

My friends have been friends with plenty of police officers over the years. My bff in college was a police dispatcher for about a decade and she only dated cops for the longest time. I tend to find myself on the opposite side of the law sometimes, so I try not to associate with them as much as possible.

One thing I have learned from hanging out in the general vicinity of cops is that most of them really like sex. I guess you can say that about most people though. The cops that my bff was always hanging out with had groupies in town that they would meet up with while they were patrolling the area.

I’ve also had sex with cops on the hood of their cars and I’ve definitely given a roadside blowjob or two while the radio was squawking away in the background. I know that not every police officer takes part in sexual activities like this, especially those that work in cities and in busy towns. The fact that I’ve watched and participated in such antics is probably why I wasn’t surprised to hear that a few Florida cops got into some trouble while they were fucking on duty.

James Inlow and Neil Giansanti were both Sargents for the Marco Island police department until they resigned earlier this year due to “sex on the job” allegations that were proven to be true. The woman accusing the officers had thousands of text messages and screenshots to backup her claims. When the Internal Affairs Commission cross referenced the work schedule they discovered that it was all the truth. In addition to banging, Inlow had obtained adderall for the woman’s mother through illegal means while he was on the clock.

I’m not being a dick, (when sentences start like that, it usually means the person is about to be a dick, right? right.) but I don’t see how anyone is surprised at the fact that police are having sex with people while they’re supposed to be keeping the streets safe. Maybe it’s because I’m a cynic…maybe it’s because of my own experiences. When I was talking to my wife about the situation in Florida, she was shocked…and that shocked me.

Text messages are basically forever Peepz. If you’re looking to be discreet about an affair, you’re going to have to cover your tracks up better than these guys did. They’re out of their jobs and their cushy pensions are down the toilet.
Do you have a cop fucking fantasy? Check out this clip from PornHub while you type your fantasy below in the comments with one hand and stroke with the other.

Source: Springfield News Sun

Image: Diamond Foxxx in Cops and Daughters by Brazzers

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Masturbation Roll

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Fap Along with Harlot: Doctor’s Orders

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Does It Make That Dunuhnuhuhnh-Ditittititit Sound?

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Pornhub Insights On Bigfoot Erotica And Political Kink Shaming

As a well-documented foot fetishist with a penchant for cryptids, I can really get behind Bigfoot erotica. While I may not necessarily enjoy it or be patient enough to masturbate to e-books, I appreciate that it exists. However, if I did enjoy the occasional romantic PDF featuring a big, sexy, barefoot primate that roams the forest I certainly wouldn’t tell anyone about it- especially my political enemies.

Keeping your taste in erotic fiction genres a secret was the lesson learned by the Republican candidate for the House of Representatives in Virginia. The woman’s taste in erotica was exposed by her Democrat opponent who accused her of being a “devotee of Bigfoot erotica.”

While some of us are aware of this niche genre of erotic storytelling, for the uninitiated voter to not only find out Bigfoot may actually exist but also have his own porn was a huge shock to the system. Curious for answers they turned to the internet’s most trusted source for political fact checking. Pornhub!

When the House of Representatives candidate mentioned Bigfoot erotica on July 30th it caused a huge interest in Bigfoot porn that didn’t escape the gaze of our favorite sexy, albeit small footed statisticians at Pornhub Insights.

Prior to the mentioning of Bigfoot erotica in the news, the average daily searches for Bigfoot porn remained fairly consistent. After July 30th things started to quickly peak up reaching over 8000% more searches than normal. Yikes!

In Virginia specifically, potential voters were 38% more likely to search for bigfoot on Pornhub than the national average. You really can’t buy that kind of voter engagement. Frankly if I lived in the Old Dominion I’d probably be inclined to cross party lines and vote Republican just because of all this. Aside from not wanting to reward someone for kink shaming, I’m also impressed with how much patience it must take to get off on reading a story about Bigfoot and big hairy dick.

For a more in depth look at how this and other political faux pas effected internet porn traffic around the world, head over to Pornhub Insights and read more.

Via pornhub.com/insights

Image: Misha Cross in Hide and Cock Seek by Brazzers

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Vintage Harlot: A Romp in the Park

I go for walks all the time now that I work in suburban academia. The campus is huge and filled with Pokemon Go stops (hit me up on twitter if you want my trainer code) so i can meander around and get lost on my lunch breaks. The other day I found a park that’s a bit hidden and I immediately thought about this time that I used the park by my old apartment as a hook up spot.

If you’re going to hook up in a park, there need to be trees or bushes, something to hide you from the people that pass by. I get that it’s a rush to be seen by unsuspecting eyes, but the last thing you want to do after cumming all over the greenery is get arrested. Back in my craig’s list days, I cared very little about getting caught because I figured I’d just use my tits to talk myself out of going to jail. Now I’m much more realistic and much less daring.

Safety first, Peepz.

The park by my house was totally secluded and there wasn’t much foot traffic except for joggers. I used to set up my evening hook up plans and meet up with relative strangers for a quickie or two at dusk, right before the park closed. A few of the guys got to know me and would just randomly show up, so I’d end up fucking a few back to back. I’m pretty sure that three in a row was my record, but don’t quote me on that, it was a long time ago.

I’d always put my hands up on the trunk of a tree and bend over so that I could be the look out while I was getting fucked from behind. If there’s one thing I learned, it’s that dudes who are about to cum don’t necessarily keep their eyes open for unexpected company. Because of how much sex I had in that particular position, the feeling of bark under my fingers still turns me on.

I’m a pervert and you love it, don’t lie.

Are you Peepz into sex in parks? Any backwoods blowjobs in your future? Let me know in the comments below and, in the meantime, here’s a PornHub clip of some sex in the great outdoors.

Image: Georgie Lyall in A Fuck in the Park by Brazzers

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Sex Toy Triggers Airport Security, Shuts Down Terminal

Airport security has gotten really intense over the last few years. The last time I flew I was coming home from a very successful vacation and in a hungover stupor I forgot to take my tablet out of my backpack before going through screening. As a reward for my seemingly minor rule infraction I spent the next half hour being rescreened, questioned, and lightly groped by several TSA agents.

At least I didn’t have anything embarrassing to hide like, say, a giant battery-operated sex toy.

The same can’t be said for a traveler in Germany who held up an entire terminal of Berlin’s Schnefeld Airport while security investigated a suspicious item in his luggage. After dodging their questions and refusing to tell employees what the mysterious item was, they had no other recourse than to follow protocol and shutdown the whole terminal while an hour-long investigation ensued.

After a bomb squad was called in to check the contents of the bag it was determined the man had left a vibrating sex toy in his luggage. This is why you’re supposed to place all electronic devices into a separate bin!

Though some people love to travel, many of us find the entire experience stressful. While alcohol and medication are a common remedy, there isn’t much that can be done to relieve the stress of security fumbling around with your previously well-hidden sex toys. Maybe some softcore porn would have helped?

A while back we read about an airport in Portugal that accidentally aired softcore porn on a large TV located above the luggage collection area. The display had been tuned to a standard cable channel that happened to have late night programing that included nudity and sexual content. Though there wasn’t any penetration or visible genitals, there was enough grinding and moaning for everyone to get the general idea.

Maybe a few softcore skin flicks cold have helped Germany’s stranded travelers deal with their situation, though Schnefeld Airport’s D terminal was eventually reopened around noon.

Prior to the bomb squad being called in, the man tried to say his luggage contained “technical stuff” and while he wasn’t exactly lying, his answer was too vague to be safe. Since he committed no crimes and his sex toys were deemed harmless, we can only assume he was released without consequence.

Via abc7chicago.com

Image: Adriana Chechik in What’s Up Her Ass? by Brazzers

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Catfished For Cash

My wife’s uncle is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Back in the early 00s, he was catfished into sending a WHOLE LOT OF MOTHER FUCKING MONEY to this chick in “England.” He said they were in love and she needed money to put a downpayment on this gorgeous house so that they could spend their life together.

The family says that it was a very difficult thing to witness. He was totally convinced that this woman existed and loved him even though he had never seen her picture, and never spoke to her on the phone. If you tried to say something to him about her legitimacy, he’d tell you to go fuck yourself. Insanity.

At the end of the day, the police came knocking on his door because funds that he had wire transferred over to “her” were considered suspicious and the authorities in Florida (WHICH IS WHERE THE MONEY WAS ACTUALLY BEING TRANSFERRED TO!!!???!?!?) contacted the FBI or some shit. That’s how the glass castle of love he had built collapsed.

But he still didn’t get it.

He believed the story he had been told so much that, even after the guy was arrested, charged, tried and put in jail for doing the same thing to a few dozen other people, my wife’s uncle still believed that something had happened to his lady love.

I shake my head every time I hear stories like this. I mean, don’t send money to strangers on the Internet and make sure you voice and video verify who you’re speaking with before you “fall in love.” Common sense? I mean, I think so, but people are still falling for it so I guess not.

A woman in New Jersey was just in the news because some Internet fellow extorted over $100,000 from her. The police aren’t dropping her name, but they say that she got into a relationship with a person named Phillip Cahill via a dating app. They had a bunch in common…blah, blah, blah…so they started talking on a messaging app.

Messaging apps are another red flag for me. I want real phone numbers…not Google Voice nonsense. I want real phone numbers and I want to see your damn face before I even think about pretending that we’re in a relationship.

The woman’s situation with Cahill only lasted 6 months before the cops stepped in. HOW ARE YOU SENDING SOMEONE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN OVER $100,000 IN 6 MONTHS TIME? I mean, if you’ve got that kind of money at your disposal, you’d think you’d have a financial advisor or someone in your life brave enough to tell you that you’re a fool.

I don’t know, Peepz. This stuff makes me so mad.

Have you ever been conned by someone Online? Hit me up on twitter with your stories. I’ll DM you back and I promise the chick in the profile picture is me.

Source: NJ.com

Image: Shake Your Money Maker by Brazzers

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Playfully Pegging

Fap Along With Harlot: Bubble Butts

Today’s Fap Along comes at the request of a Peepers reader who wants to go by Tony Tongue. I giggled when he told me that, I’m not gonna lie. Tony is an ass man who really likes a round butt. He got in touch with me last week and begged me to put together a list of clips that he had first fapping dibs on.

Now that he’s spewed his shots, I’m ready to share the goods with you. Are you Peepz ready to get off with me? Let’s fap!

Abella Danger is one of the filthiest ladies in the adult industry today. Her ass is fantastic and her fuck game is super strong. She gets down in a threesome for Bangbros in this clip.

I love a good MILF clip. Sara Jay shows off her huge titties, her bubble butt and her tight slit just for us. She is super vocal, which is obviously my fav, and she’s been in the business long enough to know exactly what we need to get to the next orgasm.

Ebony PornHub Community member Jade Jordan loves showing off. She’s playful before the sex, and when it’s go time, she lets her bootie bounce all over her fuck buddy’s dick.

There are plenty of hot asses in porno, but Bedeli Buttland has a butt so nice she decided to name herself after it. She screams when she’s penetrated by a BBC, but only because she’s cumming like crazy.

The last vid I have for you today will show you how to get a fabulous ass. Bring on the squats and put some time in at the gym! There are no miracles for beautiful butts! You have to put the work in.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. If you’d like a Fap Along list of your very own, let me know in the comments below or hit me up on twitter.

Image: Ashley Sinclair in Ashley’s Big Boob Gonzo Fuck by Brazzers

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Excuse Me, Dr. Sexpert; Did You Just Say “Sex Itself May Not Be Important”?

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

While I write a lot about sex and sex-related topics, I don’t consider myself a “sexpert.”

Sure, one reason I don’t consider myself a sexpert because that’s not a real word, but I also don’t do so because I think if I’m going to call myself an expert on something, my expertise should be based on something more than simply doing that thing a lot over the years I’ve been alive.

After all, I’ve driven hundreds of thousands of miles over the decades, but anybody who has ever watched me try to parallel park would be hard-pressed to declare me a “drivpert” or whatever made-up term applies to those who are expert in the act of operating a motor vehicle.

Maybe I’m wrong to dismiss my own ‘sexpertise,’ though, because I keep reading and hearing things said by people who are identified as sexperts – and wondering WTF they’re talking about and how they came to be considered experts on sex.

This Is The Internet – Don’t Trouble Me With Context Or Nuance

To be fair, if you look at his credentials, Dr. Justin Lehmiller sure sounds like someone worthy of the sexpert label – even if he looks more like someone who was recently stranded on a fictional uncharted island.

I should also be fair in noting that what I’m about to quote Lehmiller as saying – and which caused me to spit a substantial amount of my latte onto my keyboard – is something I’m going to uproot completely from its original context and intentionally misread.

I’m doing this not because I have anything against the young PhD, but because it’s my post and if I must stretch beyond all reason to make it compelling and amusing, then stretch beyond reason I will.

So, what did Lehmiller say which has me questioning not just his sexpertise, but his very humanity?

“Sex itself may not be important.”

What. The. Fuck.

Look, if you do work for the damn Kinsey Institute, which Lehmiller does, that’s a statement which simply can never emit from your mouth. If sex isn’t important, then the Kinsey Institute’s entire raison d’être, or raisin ala mode, or rosen duh entre, or whatever the appropriate French phrase may be, is a fiction.

Sex is important, of course. Among other things, it’s the only thing worth doing on a Tuesday night around here, now that the local art theater has moved the weekly Rocky Horror Picture Show singalong night to Thursdays.

OK, Let’s Be Real Here (For A Minute)

As you have probably (hopefully?) surmised, I don’t truly question Lehmiller’s sexpert credentials based on the single line of his I quoted. Truthfully, in context, his words make perfect sense.

Lehmiller was talking about sexless marriages, and why so many of them seem to last without descending into horrible cesspools of mutual frustration and hatred.

“Sex is a way people often meet emotional needs, but there may be other ways without necessarily having sex with your partner,” Lehmiller said.

Naturally, this isn’t to say every sexless marriage carries on without a hitch.

“When you end up in a sexless marriage and it’s not what you want, people tend to focus on that very negatively.”

He had no way of knowing it, but Lehmiller was describing exactly the sort of person I’d become, were my marriage to turn sexless.

Thankfully, my husband knows this – which is why when he doesn’t feel like having sex on a given night, he sends in a body-double he has on retainer, thinking I won’t notice. (I do notice, obviously, but that body-double fellow turns out to be quite talented, so I play along happily.)

OK, Enough Realness – Let’s Unfairly Make Fun Of The Sexpert A Little More

In addition to his apparent, very charitable willingness to speak to Canadian journalists, Lehmiller maintains a blog on which he writes about things like “How To Maintain A Great Sex Life As You Get Older” and “Why We Need More Research On Sex And Aging” and “What I Learned From An Afternoon With Two 77-Year-Old Sex Workers.”

Hmm… Why am I starting to get the feeling Dr. Lehmiller’s “research on sex and aging” is far more hands-on than simply taking surveys and parsing data points?

Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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