I’m catching up on old sex news stories from things that happened over the summer and I came across this gem that I seemed to have missed. I’m not exactly sure how the fuck I missed writing about it, it’s been in my cue for ages, but now seems to be as good of a time to write about it as any.
Imagine the biggest dildo you can possibly imagine. Now think about the balls that it would take to shoplift that dick right from under the noses of the porno shop that housed it. That’s exactly what happened in Vegas back in July.
A white male wearing a mask walked into the Deja Vu Love Boutique looking like any white male wearing a mask would look. As you can see in the video below, he was a man on a mission. He headed straight towards the massive, three foot tall dildo named Moby (presumably after the Dick), slung it over his shoulder and walked right out the front door.
Here’s the clip from TMZ:
I mean, that’s ballsy, Peepz.
That dick is fucking HUGE! I’m not quite sure how the staff of the boutique would have missed someone walking out the door with something that massive. It’s not even like he tried to conceal it or anything. He just popped it onto his shoulder like a hobo sack and sauntered right back out to his car.
I wonder if he buckled that fucker in while it was riding shotgun.
The store initially offered a reward for the capture and return of Moby Dick, but the lack of follow up reporting on this issue leads me to believe that he was never to be heard from again.
I’m going to leave you Peepz with one of my favorite Herman Melville quotes from the dildo’s namesake piece of literature. It seems appropriate for this situation:
I know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, I’ll go to it laughing.
Ain’t that the truth.
I really hope that they guy that stole that dildo hasn’t impaled himself on it or anything. That thing looks like it could hurt someone.
Source: TMZ
Image: Marsha May in Vice City Vacation: Part Two by Brazzers
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