Just came back from hanging with the girlfriends. Sally (not her real name) was gushing about this new man she can’t decide if she wants to sleep with or not. Sally is a hot girl with the kind of wild spirit that you only read about in novels or see on movies. She’s tattooed, teaches yoga (and is very good at all the difficult poses we can only dream about doing), bartends topless at a biker bar sometimes because why not? And has the kind of carefree attitude that you generally associate with someone a lot less put together than her.
It comes as no surprise that men literally fall at her feet. And as I write this it feels like Sally isn’t a real person, but seriously, she is guys! Anyway, the men at Sally’s feet – there are plenty, all aided by the fact that she is not interested in you unless you have your shit together. So when she started gushing about her new ‘maybe’ interest it was interesting.
She said, “We went on a date and it was great because he didn’t try and pull anything. I know he’s interested in me but he didn’t try to touch me or anything. It was so refreshing!” And there it was, this paradox of being interested but not ‘making moves’. I’m sure not all women feel this way, but at least at the table that I sat at, all my girlfriends had the same reaction, when a man shows that he is clearly interested without being pushy, touchy or expects anything it is hot as hell.
He never beat around the bush that he wants to ask her out. He never pretends that they’re just going to ‘chill with friends’. He does make his intentions clear. But then he gives her space to get used to him. To get comfortable, and make her decisions about whether or not she’s into him as well. No sexual touching, no trying to make the moves, nothing. Sally’s sure that if she gives him the ‘signal’ then he will make a move, but right now the space she’s getting is refreshing.
It’s a paradox, being with her but also giving her space. It’s a delicious paradox, one that a whole lotta sexy can grow. I am personally someone that loves this kind of space. Like a little pressure cooker, it takes me time to slowly cook. You’ll get nowhere if you’re constantly staring at the cooker to ‘hurry up and cook already’. Once I’m all warmed and ready to go then you can come in and take me all you want but up until then it’s space I need. To let everything soak in, to feel safe, to see what’s going on, to almost taste the energy between us.
Sally too is like me. I suspect that many women are. Not all I’m sure, but many. And some men too. I wish that I could meet more men where the seduction is sure and yet spacious. I’m sure when it comes to seduction I’m no expert either. I’m sure if given a choice I too would be taken over by my infatuation with a new possible playmate and I would want everything now, right here.
So no, I’m no expert seductress. But still, the fantasy is there. Occasionally I meet men who can seduce in this manner. Sometimes I am the one doing the seducing and yet sometimes both of us are failing at the art of seduction. It is such a delicate game, one that I don’t think I’ll master in this lifetime, but that will always fascinate me.
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