Knowing that I’m part of that relatively rare breed of women who actually enjoys watching hardcore porn (um… some hardcore porn, that is), male friends of mine often ask for advice on how to approach the subject with their own girlfriends and wives, as though I might have some magic insight into the question because I have the same kind of genitals as their significant others.
The truth is, I have no secret or special techniques for how to start that potentially awkward (or worse) conversation, but I can and do give guys tips on how not to broach the subject, tips that are indeed grounded in my gender’s general perspective on sexuality and taste – and, crucially, lack of the latter of those two things.
First, the best way to approach the subject is “directly but verbally.” In other words, don’t just jump up out of bed one evening, announce that you have a “surprise” for your girl, then fire up a scene from Throat-Gagged Cum Whores Vol. 7. Before you even contemplate pulling porn up on the screen, you need to make sure the idea isn’t completely, inalterably repulsive to your lady friend. How do you do that? Well, I know this is going to sound awful, but… you have to actually talk to her about it, first.
The best way to bring it up is pretty directly, but not quite as directly as simply piping up with “Hey, want to watch some porno with me?” out of the blue one day. Instead, approach the subject in crablike fashion; maybe mention that you read somewhere recently that more women are watching porn these days than ever before (which is probably bullshit, but also sounds like something that might reasonably come out of a study at some west coast university with a name that ends in “Polytechnic”) and ask your girl if she has ever watched porn. If her response boils down to “No, and only a sick-fuck asshole would ever ask me to do so,” it’s probably best to just let the issue die, right then and there.
If you establish that she’s curious about porn, or open to the idea, then you just might be in business. You’ll have to judge for yourself as to whether it’s best to push ahead with the subject right then and there (possibly depending on whether you’re in your living room at the time, or sitting across the table from her at an IHOP) or bring it back up later, but at least you’ll know she’s not going to leap up and gouge your eyes out with her thumbs when the subject does come up again.
The next step is figuring out what to watch – or try to watch – with your girl, once you’ve settled that she’s OK with it. Again, the ideal way to go is to find out what she’s open to before you try it. The process of selecting something to watch together can be pretty fun, in itself. Personally, my catty side comes out in that situation, and I have fun being hypercritical of things like snaggleteeth or fucked up looking feet on women who are, admittedly, pretty hot.
What you do NOT want to do is spring the wrong kind of porn on your girl. If you are looking for an efficient means of getting your lady to dump you on the spot, sudden and unsolicited exposure to the works of Max Hardcore should do the trick, but if you actually want her to watch – and enjoy watching – the porn, don’t immediately reach for the nastiest gonzo porn you can find.
It’s also probably best not to start with girl-girl stuff, unless you’ve established that your GF is bisexual or bi-curious. Think of it this way: would you want to watch gay porn with her? No? Then what makes you think she wants to watch a woman eat pussy any more than you’d want to watch a guy suck cock? This might seem like common sense, but I’ve had two guys spring girl-girl on me, on the theory that I’d find it “less threatening” that hetero hardcore. (To give you an idea of how accurate that theory was, those two motherfuckers both spent the night on the couch….)
The bottom line here is that the more you communicate with your girl about the subject first, the more smooth and enjoyable the experience will be throughout. It’s hard for you guys, I know, but asking questions and then actually listening to what she says is the key here. Also, keep in mind that the odds are pretty good that your girl doesn’t want to watch any kind of porn, even if it stars Brad Pitt, and he spends the whole time nailing a woman who looks exactly like her. Many women just don’t dig the porno, and you have to respect that fact and resign yourself to the fact that any porn watching you’re going to be doing will be by yourself. Either that, or resign yourself to spending every damn night on the couch.
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