I Can Basically Taste Marisa Papen’s Sweat In These Pictures

Some photographs are so striking that looking at them is almost a tactile experience. That’s exactly what happened to me when I was scrolling through this Marisa Papen photoshoot. The first two pictures are great, but by the time I got to picture number three I felt like I could taste the salt on Marisa’s lower stomach.

Go on, go look at them. Don’t you get the impression you can taste and smell Marisa?! I sure do.

As per usual, my Hawaiin goddess never disappoints. She really does embody the whole nudity is freedom vibe. One look at her personal website and you’ll soon come to believe that she’s in a one woman nudist cult. EEEEEk, maybe don’t go look now.

Okay, look. 

Marisa Papen‘s last post was about finding a dead octopus on the beach and then deciding to pose nude with it. I have a thing for tentacles (you can blame anime for that one), but knowing that the octopus she’s posing with was a dead carcass on the beach is kind of grossing me out.

Dead octopussy.

That is a dead octopus on her pussy! Hey, look at that, I can still be shocked. Turns out I’m not dead on the inside after all. Surprise, surprise.

On an unrelated note, I bought my brother a birthday cake, which makes me a good person, but I bought him numbered candles, which were the wrong age, so I’m back to being a bad person. Catch you on the flip side, I’ve got to go flip that record over.

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Rebecca Bagnol Is Sex Fantasy Goals In A Leather Harness

There’s construction going on next to me right now, so it’s hard to concentrate, but I’ll try my best to ignore the drilling that happening approximately three feet from my head. I should just move, but I’m sitting in the most comfortable spot and I refuse to move.

The dude with the drill should move, NOT ME! I know that makes no sense considering he’s probably building something or other that needs to be in the exact spot, but I don’t care about what makes sense. I only care about me. Me and MY feelings are the only things that matter here and everyone should act accordingly.

Construction noises can really drive a person mad. I remember one year when I was writing my philosophy final there was lots of construction going on all over campus and some jackass was using a jackhammer right outside of class all the while I had to write an essay on existentialism.

I’m pretty sure I temporarily lost my mind during that exam. I couldn’t concentrate because of the jackhammer, so I used the damn thing as an example in my essay to illustrate that free will means you bear the responsibility of your actions. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, but it was brilliant and had something to do with wanting to kill that construction worker.

Ah existentialism, just one more thing the French got right. French movies, French food, French wines, French women… the French really do everything better!

Would Rebecca Bagnol have the same sex appeal if she was American instead of French? I don’t think so. The perfect curve of her tits, the slight puff of her nipples, the soft tangle of pubic hair are all quintessentially French attributes. Really? Did you just buy that? I’m so full of shit. Those are clearly worldwide attributes that have nothing to do with whether someone is French or not. I just had to get that word count. Fap, fap, fap, fap.

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Men Are Into Lifelike Masturbation Sleeves & NOTHING ELSE

Sex toy manufacturers like Doc Johnson, Nasstoys, Topco, and CalExotics say that their male customers are all about the super realism. When it comes to masturbation sleeves and the like, men want something lifelike – preferably something that’s a direct copy of a famous pornstar.

The menz want all the holes, whether it’s someone’s mouth, anus, or vadge to be a realistic recreation of their favorite pornstar.

You’ve seen this picture before, you’re favorite pornstar is lying on her back with her legs spread and knees up in the air, but instead of giving birth (wich is what it looks like she’s doing) her butthole and her vadge are covered in plaster because she’s getting her downstairs carriage molded into a line of sex toys.

Teen Mom what’s her name.

Pornstars like to post these pics to social media and Peepz like to see them, at least that’s what sales reflect. I think it helps to see the behind-the-scenes process because that way you know you’ll be getting the real thing, so when you finally get that Dani Daniels stroker in the mail (complete with pubic hair) you can really zone in on your fantasy of banging Dani.

The pubes need a little work.

Can you recognize your favorite pussy when it’s made out of plastic? I should resurrect Match That Snatch, but this time you’ll have to match the realistic sex toy to the pornstar.

As fun as it is to fuck the disembodied pussy/anus combo of Dani Daniels, some Peepz really don’t care if the pussy they are fantasy fucking is famous or not. That’s why the creator of the AutoBlow2, Brian Sloan, decided to go with unknown pussy for his molds. Sure, he held a contest to find the most beautiful pussy in the world, but that was more of a publicity stunt than anything else.

Sometimes it’s best not to brand your product after a particular star because you don’t want to alienate customers who aren’t fans. When it comes to male customers, though, most sex toy manufacturers agree that the more realistic the better.

Strokers are generally made out of thermoplastic elastomer because it’s “body safe, soft, pliable, and non-porous but sill has enough stretchiness to mimic mucous membrane and muscle tissues.” Some companies, however,  have developed their own proprietary material in an effort to mimic the real deal. Topco, for instance, uses Cyberskin. Doc Johnson is all about Ultra Skin. CalExotics likes to peddle Pure Skin, while the Peepz over at Pipedream Products like to use something called Fanta Flesh.

It’s funny, when I’m looking for sex toys the last thing on my mind is finding something lifelike. I know there’s a market out there for realistic dildos, but that’s never been my bag. Gimme alien tentacle vibrators and let’s call it a day. Dudes, it seems, want to close their eyes and pretend they’ve got a real pussy in front of them. Meh, to each their own.

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Masturbation Roll

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Last Week On Insta: Apolonia Lapiedra, Jaci, & Honey Gold +++

Former Domme Can’t Be A Cop in Jersey?

I worked my way through my first stint at college by kicking dudes in the balls.

Sex work of varying types has been a supplemental income for me for all of my adult life. From Domme (Dominatrix, whatever), to porn shop worker, to my mini amateur porno empire and then the various writing gigs I’ve had over the years…it’s always been sex that has inspired me to be creative.

When people find out about the fact that I’ve participated in sex work, sometimes they are put off.

“What if your prospective employers find out?”

I basically ran my amateur porno pseudo-empire from my desk when I was an accountant. Sneaky boob pics all over the place, fucking myself and my wife all over the office when no one was around (P.S. Don’t ever give me the keys to an establishment if you don’t want my cumstains on your chairs…just sayin’…I shouldn’t be trusted).

Office Squirt, Fist, Phone powered by XTube

If someone I was trying to get a job with saw those clips, would I be hired? Probably not but that’s a risk that I’m willing to take. I’m not into stuffy offices and rocking pant suits. It’s just not my style.

Sex workers really shouldn’t be stigmatized because of the decisions that they make when they aren’t on the clock (or on the clock, in my case…I always cleaned up after myself).

As long as the activities you participate in are consensual, I really think that we should get over this Puritanical mindset about sex workers. Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. Know why we, as a society, take such an issue with it? Because we feel guilty about sex.

That’s dumb.

Embrace your sexual side…don’t hurt anybody…Get your kink on safely.

A woman (I’m not going to use her name because enough Internet damage has been done to her real name and she’ll be trying to fix her google results for the next 50 years) in New Jersey was up for a job as a county sheriff’s officer. That’s basically a cop with a lot of clout for those not in the know. She graduated from the academy and got a job offer in May. The state reneged their job offer when someone found some videos online of her playing the part of a Dominatrix.

She never used her real name, she was always fully clothed, she never had sex with anyone…it was strictly consensual beating of naked men under a pseudonym.

Not a thing about this was illegal in any way.

But the state pulled the job offer and when the press found out they blew her name up all over social media and news sites.

It’s fucked up.

What do you Peepz think?

Should this ex-Dominatrix be able to wear a badge?
Do you think the issue is that she was involved in consensual violent activity and police are sometimes said to be violent?
Or do you think this is all an image issue for the state?

Let me know in the comments below!!

Source: NJ.com

Image: Veruca James and Georgia Jones in Dominate Me by Brazzers

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Fap Along With Harlot: Darling Fuck Dolls

Porn star names are fun. It’s the type of a decision that can make or break a career depending on how the people watching your movies take it. You want it to be something memorable, but not so off the wall that people don’t take you seriously before they even see what’s going on between your legs. I scoped out one of those Porn Star Name Generators (which you can check out by clicking HERE) but when I put in Alpha Harlot, the name it came back with was, “Jizzy Looselips” I’m going to pass on that one. Harlot’s good enough for me.

This week’s Fap Along consists of sexy ladies who all decided to add the word Darling to their porn moniker. Darling is a sweet word that makes me think of innocence…but believe me when I tell you that none of these ladies are virginal at all.

You Peepz ready to Fap? Let’s get to it!

My whole fascination with the word Darling happened because of a PornHub banner advertising this clip by Nikki Darling. I’m pretty sure that I’m unable to physically scroll past any clip that involves deep anal drilling, but that’s just me.

For this MoFo’s clip, Andie Darling goes by the name Iva Veronika. She’s a sexy redhead who doesn’t mind getting dicked down outdoors where anyone could stumble upon her. I love the way her lashes look when she’s gazing up at the camera.

I’m totally transfixed by the way that Ela Darling handles her business with the ladies. She’s smooth and patient with making her partner’s pussy feel good. That’s something that I can totally appreciate. The stickier the fingers, the wetter I become.

Finger fucking your butthole is an art that is often overlooked in the world of adult films. Evelina Darling gets her pussy stretched out and ready for her fuck buddy in this clip. Her ass looks amazing when she’s bouncing up and down on her thick stud’s pole.

Darling Danika is a tattooed babe with dick on her mind. Luckily she has a willing patient by her side to share the wealth (and the orgasms). She’s an excellent teacher of technique and always willing to lend a helping hand.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. I’m soaked and I need to get my keyboard cleaned up.

Let me know what your generated Porn Star name is in the comments!

I’ll see you next week!

Image: </>Darling Danika in Your Darling Stepmom by Brazzers

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Seriously? AGAIN With The Porn-Watching ‘Friend’ Excuse?

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Throw Back Thursday Nudity Edition: Beatrice (2007)

It’s been a decade since this photoshoot appeared in the Estonian issue of Playboy and it shows. I’m not sure what nude models look like in Estonia these days, but this isn’t it. I’m not saying it’s bad, because it’s not. Beatrice is quite fetching, but it’s almost like the stylist and photographer couldn’t figure out what decade they wanted to emulate, which just goes to show how confusing the aughts were in terms of fashion and makeup.

That said, there’s something I really like about the faded red lip stain and the high red cheeks in the third picture as if Beatrice was sucking on a cherry popsicle on a hot day. One can only hope that’s what she was doing in between shots.

As a young lass, I used to take cherry popsicles and repeatedly line my lips with the melting tip to stain them red. It was my way to get away with wearing lipstick without really wearing lipstick. I was a tricky little nymph. My parents hadn’t forbidden me from wearing makeup, it’s just that lip stains weren’t something that existed in my universe. I didn’t want to wear lipstick, I just wanted my lips to look flush as if I had just come out of a makeout session.

Another handy trick for those emergency moments when you run into someone and you suddenly wish you had swiped on some tinted lip balm before leaving the house, you can gently bite your lips to draw blood to the area. They will instantly look a little bit redder and fuller.

Ah yes, the secret joys of being a woman. Beatrice knows what I’m talking about. Beatrice knows.

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Porn Blooper Reels, Because Why Not?!

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