I lived at home all through college and in addition to the academics, I learned one very important skill- how to masturbate in complete silence without leaving a trace.
Privacy is a luxury most people take for granted. It’s one of those small comforts that you won’t miss until it’s gone, or notice until you’re going to masturbate. For all intense and purposes masturbation is the actual luxury, privacy is just a euphemism.
Lack of access to the fundamental right to masturbate is the exact predicament 27-year-old Tristan Torelle Tucker found himself in. After a few bad life decisions left the man without a quiet place to charge is phone or play a little 5-on-1, he broke into a relative’s house for help.
After he finished topping off his battery and choking his chicken, he noticed a security camera had caught the whole thing on tape. Left with no other recourse he decided to smash the cameras, steal the recording device, and throw it into the river. Amateur.
When the home owners noticed their house in Dunbar, West Virginia had been broken into and their security system compromised, they filed a complaint with police that eventually lead to the arrest of a family member. I guess broken glass and property damage is thicker than both blood and water.
The suspect told police he used a glass breaking device to shatter a window because he needed to charge his phone. Finding himself with a full battery and quiet a moment alone, he took the opportunity to beat off before noticing the security camera.
Rather than go through the humiliation of having his relatives watch him manhandle himself, he weighed his options and decided theft was the only option.
Tucker was charged with a handful of crimes and is currently being held on a $10,000 bond. Maybe he can call his family and ask for help, after all he cares enough about their opinion of him to destroy their property just to spare them the embarrassment of watching him masturbate.
Via wchstv.com
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