In a youth dominated culture some people will go through extremes to retain a younger appearance. While cosmetic surgery and Botox injections are popular solutions, their invasive nature has made them less popular with the nation’s wealthy elite. That’s where penis facials have started to take over.
No, not the cool ones you see in porn. A clinic in New York City has developed a procedure called EGF, or epidermal growth factor, wherein stem cells from freshly acquired Korean foreskins are harvested and applied to people’s faces. The process begins as a rather normal facial and ends with a series of microscopic holes being created on the skin so that the proprietary EGF process can be applied.
Using beautiful science, the stem cells are needled into the holes where they rejuvenate the customer’s skin and supposedly regenerate lost collagen and elasticity. The nickname “penis facial” comes from the fact that the stem cells are acquired from foreskins in Korea where laws against stem cell research are less strict.
Too bad it doesn’t involve the regular kind of facial because if I could start charging rich people for samples of my man goo I’d be rich. I have decades of practice acquiring it and most of it just gets discarded in the really gross trashcan under my desk.
The cutting-edge procedure is popular with many famous faces including Sandra Bullock, Katy Perry, and Emma Stone. However, with elite names like these endorsing the EGF facials you can expect the price to be equally exclusive. At $650 per visit the price range excludes all but the most dedicated of beauty enthusiasts.
Maybe there’s a market for my discount facials after all.
For all those unwilling to shell out hundreds of dollars for Korean foreskin stem cells, they can instead buy my American semen at bottom dollar. I’ve never really measured how much I produce but if someone wants to buy it I could easily meet demand with little more than a Pornhub Premium account and quick reflexes.
Via metro.co.uk
Image: Britney Amber in Getting Their Own Facials by Brazzers
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