My wife and I were having lunch at a new burger place in town. We were discussing the pros and cons of sweet potato fries vs. regular old boring french fries (I’m team sweet potato fry, FWIW) and these two college age women sat in the booth behind us. When you’re in a situation like that, you can’t help but overhear conversations, especially when they take a turn for the vagina.
The blonde with blue sunglasses said, “Listen, she said that she swears by the stuff. It tingles a little bit when she inserts it, but after a few minutes everything is cool. She said that Mike totally noticed a difference.”
“There is no fucking way that is scientific,” the blonde with aviators replied, “You itch from wasp stings because of poison in the stinger. THAT’S probably why it burns.”
My wife dropped her fry in surprise. I nibbled as quietly as I could on the bacon and blue cheese burger in front of me. Eavesdropping is difficult when you’re trying not to giggle.
“It’s not the wasp,” blue sunglasses said, “It’s just the nest. And not like, a chunk of it…you use one of those things to turn it into a powder and then you wipe it on your lips.”
The way that she half whispered, “Your lips,” had me figuring that she meant pussy lips, not face lips.
So I did what every pervert does in a situation such as this…
I pulled out my phone and I quietly started searching on the great and powerful Interwebz.
Immediately I uncovered a NY Post article from last June about women applying wasp nest powder to their vaginas to make them tighter after childbirth.
Ummm…
No. Don’t do that. For real, for real…don’t do that. It’s bad enough that there are so many sex toy and lube companies out there that are trying to cash in some coin so that you can have a “tight pussy”. This is one of those patriarchal things that we should really work past, ladies. If your stunt cock is complaining that your pussy isn’t tight enough, tell him to get himself a bigger dick. Fuck that noise. We get older, our bodies change…and two college students really shouldn’t be worrying about tightening up their vaginal walls with ground up wasp nests.
Fucking seriously.
We were just about done eating anyway, so I started piling our garbage up on our tray and turned to the two ladies to inform them that wasp nests are to be avoided at all costs and never stuffed into your pussy, whether they are ground up or completely solid.
“You don’t want to go fucking around with your vaginal PH, ladies,”
My wife added, “Not even soap! Don’t wash your puss with soap! It’s a self cleaning pleasure device.”
Aviators turned to blue and said, “See? My mom was right, you don’t clean it with soap either.”
Glad we had this talk, Peepz.
Are you on team regular potato fry or sweet potato fry?
Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on twitter
Source: NY Post and two idots eating lunch next to me
Image: Kelly Divine in The Bumtastic Bumblebee Girl by Brazzers
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