Life After Sex Work

When I was 25, I was working in an adult video store as my side hustle. I loved that job because I was able to surround myself with sex and perversion and get paid to make conversation with the customers about my favorite topics. During my time there, I met a man who introduced me to his masturbation videos on Xtube.

At first I was only performing super short blowjobs with my eyes off camera so that he could post them to his own channel. I totally got bit by the exhibitionist bug and started up my own shit, masturbating on camera and posting videos nearly daily for about five years of my life. The guy that got me started came and went (and then came and went again like 6 or 7 times before I finally realized that I needed to for real, for real move on) but that whole time I was focused and committed to providing quality amateur content to my Online friends and fans.

And then one day, I wasn’t.

I fell in love with my wife while I was in a polyamorous relationship. The moment that she and I met, I was hooked on her smile. My ex-boyfriend 100% recognized the fact that I was super into her and he was 100% threatened by my relationship with her. He broke some of the cardinal rules of “Polyamorous relationships as Harlot prefers them to be,” so we broke up.

All of that happening was a defining moment for me. I wanted to focus on my newly growing love with my partner, there was more time spent going on dates and less time spending in my house by myself masturbating for everyone on Xtube. My wife has always been super supportive of my decisions and even starred in a few clips with me, but I hit a point where I wanted to keep my sex life private. The problem was that my brain did not understand how to make that transition. I decided to work on maintaining a balance between the fantasy life that I live Online and the private life that I live with my wife.

I read the post on Glamour linked below about life after sex work and it really resonated with me. When sex and sexual behaviors are your work, snapping out of that mindset and relearning how to feel and experience pleasure can be difficult. My wife had to remind me to look in her eyes for awhile…I didn’t have to hunt for the camera with my gaze in order to make sure that the people watching me felt like they were part of the experience. I needed to realize that I don’t “have to” masturbate for 4 hours a day. That was actually a rough part of the transition. My body was so used to filming and churning out constant content. I ended up taking a short break from masturbation completely that way I could focus on cumming with my wife.

Both inside sex work and outside sex work, I think that they key is taking time to reflect on yourself and heal when you need to. You can absolutely be a sexually empowered being who fucks on camera, or in hotel rooms, or dances on poles, or sells undergarments to strangers on the Internet. And you can also wake up and decide that you don’t want to be in that world anymore, for whatever reason.

If you’re interested in reading more about life after sex work, I highly recommend that you read the story of Lovely Brown that is linked below. It’s insightful, honest and the real deal. Rediscovering your own identity again can be almost as much fun as the sex.

Source: Glamour

Image: Leigh Raven in My Wife’s a Stripper by Brazzers

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