Call me a prude, but I can’t get into nude sunbathing on the beach. Give me a grassy, secluded yard, or a balcony to bathe on and I’m golden. It’s not the nudity, it’s the fucking sand that I take issue with. Sex on the beach is fun for awhile, but when one single annoying grain of sand gets into a crevice, it’s game over for me.
A sandy vagina is probably my least favorite thing in the world. I’m not really a beach person to begin with, I guess. I’m much more into sunning by the pool and floating around on rafts. Sure the beach has it’s perks…like tons of people in and out of swimsuits, but there are no creatures living in pools and chlorine kills everything gross? Those are my biggest concerns, I think. No fish nibbling at my toes and no jizz water.
I was poking around on Snopes and I found an article about a nude sunbather that made me grab my vagina in pain. If you have balls, please cup them gently while you read the rest of this.
Actually…wait. Here’s some beach porno to soften the blow, then we’ll get back to business.
The story, which was proved to be false by Snopes criteria, is about a man who was sunbathing in Townsville, Queensland, Australia. As the tall tale goes, the sunbather was minding his own business and had completely lathered up his body with sunscreen.
I say good job for that. Sunburn is no fucking joke.
The bad thing is…that if you paint your balls with a white substance, they kind of resemble eggs.
When an eagle happened to be flying by, it swooped down and grabbed the guy’s testicles and tried to take off with them…but they’re attached so that didn’t exactly work out so hot.
Like I said before, it this is just a fake news story/piece of clickbait. Perhaps it was written by someone who has an agenda with the sunscreen industry?
I’m not sure.
All I know is that I don’t really think that an eagle would be hunting for food on a beach that was covered with tourists. And even if an eagle DID decide to fly about the place, do greased up balls really look like turtle eggs?
I’d still take the jist of this story as a cautionary tale. If you’re a nude sunbather and you decide to partake in some rays on the sand, make sure you rub the sunscreen all the way into your skin.
Oh yeah, and everybody’s free to feel good.
Source: Snopes and originally, Foreign Journal
Image: Bridgette B and Nicolette Shea in Babezz Watch by Brazzers
from Peeperz http://ift.tt/2szygEL
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment