2019 and the Best Sex Ever

My 2019 was filled with ups and downs. I lost two of the most important people that have ever existed in my life, two weeks later I dramatically changed my career path and accepted a new fancy business job, I bought my very first house and I learned once again that not every friendship is reciprocal.

My sex life in 2019 was also a roller coaster. We started out 2019 doing a 30 Days of Intimacy challenge and we’re ending the year out in the same fashion. Last night we were both exhausted so we set a timer for five minutes and made out. It was fun to be quickly close without actually getting all wrapped up in heavy breathing activities. Sometimes that’s all you need to be satisfied, you know?

Was 2019 the year of the best sex of my life?

No, it definitely wasn’t. I was distracted by life for a large part of the year and the focus on my sex drive definitely switched off. It’s to be expected with huge life changes in both positive and negative directions.

No big deal though….It only means that 2020 is going to be a blast in the bedroom.

The at-home-sex-toy-party company Pure Romance conducted a study of 2000 Americans and asked them about their sex lives in 2019.

Here’s a video with some of the results that the New York Post pulled together:

My favorite statistic is that 79% of people are happy with their sex lives. That is a HUGE amount of people. Happy sex lives make for happy Harlots. I’m excited to hear that people are experimenting and learning more about their likes and dislikes when it comes to sexual activities.

How about you Peepz? How did your sex life shape up in 2019? Have you had better years or are you looking forward to beating your personal best in 2020? I’m completely psyched to go on sexual adventures next year. I feel hopeful about the relationships that I have in my life right now and I’m looking forward to forging new ones as the next year rolls on.

Talk to me about your sexual desires in the comments below ro slide into my DMs on twitter if you’d like to keep things private.

Source: NY Post

Image: Cali Carter in The Exxxceptions by Brazzers

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Lex is Changing My Sex Life

Every now and then apps come along that change the dynamics of how people communicate. For the last chunk of time, the world of lesbian dating has been completely lacking in the Online world. One night, a few weeks ago, I read an article somewhere about Lex, an app that was formerly known as Personals and it has completely changed the way I network on my phone.

On Lex’s twitter bio, they describe the app in all caps, as they should, as: FOR LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, ASEXUAL, & QUEER PPL. FOR WOMXN & TRANS, GENDERQUEER, INTERSEX, TWO SPIRIT, & NON-BINARY PPL. FOR MEETING LOVERS & FRIENDS

Yes to all of that. I downloaded the app immediately and start poking around. My wife got home from work a few minutes in, so she ended up downloading the app too. You know who the ladies of Lex love? My wife.

I haven’t messed around on a dating app in 6 years or so. It’s been the same amount of time for her, I think. The difference between Lex and other dating apps is that there are zero visuals. You only get words. In your profile, you can link your instagram profile if you choose to, but there’s no way to share images directly within the app.

It’s fucking refreshing.

Here’s what a post on Lex looks like:

It’s like Craig’s List of old! When you’re on OkCupid or Match or Fetlife or any of the other websites that you can use to meet partners, they’re all so focused on pictures. I want new lovers to fall in love with my words before they even consider meeting me in person. I’d like to connect with someone on a verbal level, discover their humor and sarcasm, before I even pick up the phone to voice verify. I’m all about Pornhub and the visuals when I’m getting off, but when it comes to actual dating, I feel like I can learn a whole lot more about a person by the way they present themselves with their words.

Also, the app isn’t JUST to meet lovers/relationship potentials/romantic partners. It’s to connect with queer people in general. Since I’ve started chatting people up on Lex, I’ve met 5 different people in four different states who are wonderful conversationalists. My wife has started dating another librarian that lives in Brooklyn. I don’t presently have enough time in my life to date, but when I do, it’s all going to happen through Lex.

Peepz, how do you feel about dating via words vs swiping left? Do you think that this type of communication is going to catch on in other social niches or is this strictly a lesbian thing?

Let me know in the comments below hit me up on twitter with your thoughts.

Image: From Lex’s Website

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Fap Along With Harlot: That’s a Stretch

You Peepz know that I’m always down to stretch my box to maximum capacity. I love the feeling of being completely filled up from the inside and then the epic way my muscles start flexing when I’m cumming. When I started poking around Pornhub for Fap Along clips this week, that was exactly what I was in the mood to feel.

Are you ready to watch some ladies get their holes stretched as far as possible? Pants off! Let’s fap!

The foreplay in this first clip is nonexistent. Vanna Bardot goes from giving an interview about her cute figure to being bent over with her butthole stretched by man hands. I guess fingering is considered foreplay, but the gape says otherwise.

Thigh high fuck socks and a soaking wet pussy is all I need sometimes. You’re going to love how her super tiny cunt willingly takes the massive monster cock that she’s getting paid to fuck.

When it comes to pornstars who can take cock, Adriana Chechik  is one of the best. Every inch that can be penetrated, is…and she loves showing off her squirting skills to the camera.

The sexy brunette in this clip can’t play pool, but she certainly can ride a cock. Her butthole pucker winks at the camera when she’s bent over for a POV shot of the whole shabang.

I’m going to finish up this Fap Along with a clip that has a vintage feel to it. It starts out with some innocent swimming and by the end, there’s some pussy stretching sex happening on a bean bag chair. Obviously, I love the water inclusion, but I’m also super into the idea of fucking on a bean bag chair. Difficulty level of that sexual task is definitely an 8.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. Have a very happy holiday season! Enjoy some alone time whenever you can.

Image: Keisha Grey in Stretch Out Those Young Tits by Brazzers

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Don’t Put Balls in Your Dick

I’m going to disclaimer the fuck out of this post, Peepz. Do not try this at home. For real. There is zero reason for you to do anything remotely close to this to yourself because it’s super dangerous and unnecessary. Also, this post may make you feel a little squeemish, so before you click to the jump, make sure that you’re down for hearing the full story.

You good?

Ok cool. I shall proceed.

You know those things called Bucky Balls (no relation to our former editor btw)? They’re these super small magnetic balls that you can fidget with and sculpt into long chains of nothing. I keep a set on my desk at work and will compulsively pull them apart and then let the magnetic fields snap them back together. It’s something to do to pass the time while I’m on endlessly droaning conference calls.

A fourteen year old boy in China was hospitalized because he was curious about sticking these balls into his urethra. They got trapped, so he kept trying to stick more inside himself to “pull them out.” He kept trying and before he knew it there were 53 balls crammed inside his piss hole and he ended up hemorrhaging and in the hospital. After an extensive surgery, he’s OK, but I’m sure he won’t be playing with those balls again anytime soon.

I get curiosity. I did completely ridiculous things with frozen hot dogs when I was young and unaware. The major reason I wanted to write this post was because I feel like the world needs to hear more about safe urethral play.

Sounding is when you stick a long, medical dilator into your urethra. You can sound if you are a penis having person or a vulva having person. They look like this:

As you can see, they vary in width. One of the things that you’ll hear over and over again if you’re into this type of play is that you never ever let go of the sound. The curve of the bar helps to stop it from slipping inside completely, but accidents happen, which is why you always want to stay in control of the tools that you are using.

I think that if more people were aware of sounding as a kink activity, these news stories about Bucky Ball hospitalizations would drastically be reduced. Sex ed is important, Peepz. Knowledge is power.

Source: Daily Mail

Image: Dodgeballs by Brazzers

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Ashley Graham on Pregnancy Sex

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Fap Along With Harlot: Riley Reid

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Netflix and Chill? They Think So

Viral social marketing campaigns are totally where it’s at. We live in a time where television commercials are basically obsolete because all it takes to get a little bit of traction under your brand is a witty post on twitter. A little bit of snark can sell a lot of burgers. Don’t believe me? Ask Wendy’s.

The latest tweet to catch storm was posted by Netflix on December 5th.

what’s something you can say during sex but also when you manage a brand twitter account?

— Netflix US (@netflix) December 5, 2019

Peepz, the responses are fucking hilarious. Major brands that wouldn’t even come to mind at first got in on the action. I’ve compiled some of my favorites because everyone with a perverse bone in their body needs to get in on the joke.

Animal Planet got in on the action:

send me a *good* snake pic

— Animal Planet (@AnimalPlanet) December 5, 2019

Aviation American Gin had one:

"This is delicious"

— Aviation American Gin (@AviationGin) December 5, 2019

But Netflix responded to them with, “Goes down smooth,” which I think is way better.

Paramount pictures totally dropped the ball as well, but Netflix picked it right back up again:

guys, MOUNT was right there…

— Netflix US (@netflix) December 5, 2019

Netflix was honestly the winner of most of the word battles:

lolol even if LINGUS is right there

— Netflix US (@netflix) December 5, 2019

I mean….yes, Netflix…yes!

didnt match the photos….

— Netflix US (@netflix) December 5, 2019

Tazo Tea had the right idea:

and that's the tea.

— Netflix US (@netflix) December 6, 2019

I could keep going for hours, Peepz. There is nothing funnier to me and more of a detriment to my wallet than companies that are willing to go out on a ledge and post some snarky ass sexual shit because it’s trending. I fucking love it.

What a great time to be alive, eh?

Did you have a favorite response from the Netflix post that I didn’t mention? Link me down below in the comments or tag me in that -ish over on twitter.

Source: CBS

Image: Jade Kennedy and London Keyes in Television Tits by Brazzers

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Sexting With a Side of Orgasms

I had a twitter conversation with someone a few days ago about penetrative sex. The man asked his followers if they could live without doing that particular sex act within their relationship. My answer was that I definitely could, and that I hadn’t had sex with a penis in over 6 years.

That’s when it hit me…

I haven’t had sex with a man in over 6 years. For a large portion of my adult life, I was chasing down cock like it was going out of style. Fucking was an art to me, and I was all about getting as much sexual attention as my body could handle. At that point, I was totally into it, but reflecting back I know that my focus was never on the orgasm, it was about the sex.

I think it’s a shame that there weren’t more men out there who were interested in making me cum. Their orgasm was their end goal, and they didn’t really care much if it happened while their dick was in my mouth or my pussy (or my butt or my hands…or even the soles of my feet for that matter). When people have sex, there are different things that they point their focus on.

Should the end goal of all sexual experiences be someone’s personal orgasm? Maybe…but what if the focus is singularly pleasure? Is there a need to climax if what you are experiencing feels that good?

Even within the communication beforehand…dirty talking Online or via text can be a fun activity all on it’s own. There have been plenty of times that the texting was good enough for me to cum. I didn’t actually want the other person to physically touch me, I just wanted the fantasy of their touch….the idea of what type of creative sexual scenario they would come up with.

In my own personal relationship, sexting is usually the appetizer. All day long, my wife and I will chit chat about all the filthy things we want to do to each other. When the day is done and we’re both home, sometimes we bang like crazy, but sometimes we fall asleep and cuddle. Sex is not always the end result. It’s the pleasure that we get from making each other squirm that is our actual end goal.

What about you Peepz? When you sext with someone, are you looking strictly for the physical sex or are you in it for the masturbation fantasy? Hit me up in the comments below with your answers or slide into my DMs if you’re feeling daring.

Source: Insider

Image: Bonnie Rotten and Zoey Monroe in Squirt Training by Brazzers

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Fap Along With Harlot: Dirty Mechanics

My day job is sending me on a business trip tomorrow to the great state of Massachusetts. I don’t mind the traveling, it’s kind of exciting even though I miss my wife and our pets. My car has been acting up the last few weeks though, so rather than risk driving through the frozen tundra of New England with an iffy Fiat, I figured I’d take it in to see my mechanic to get an oil change and see what was up.

He didn’t see anything wrong with my car, but he was eyeing up my Pornhub sweatshirt. When he asked me about it, I told him that I write for Peeperz and that I’m always happy to wear company swag to do a bit of low key promoting while I’m out and about. We had a fairly decent conversation about what type of porn he likes, so this week, I’ve decided to pay homage to my friendly car repair guy with a Fap Along involving his profession.

Are you Peepz ready to have some fun? Grab your favorite jizz towel and let’s start fapping!

The mechanic in this first clip is only interested in fast cars, big tits and cold beers. I’m more of a whiskey fan myself, but I’m not going to judge. The curly haired redheaded brat doesn’t actually understand how much fixing a car costs, but she’s going to find out soon enough.

Time for a role reversal! Ashley Adams is a hot to trot mechanic who is more than willing to take some long, hard cock in lue of cash. She does good work, whether we’re talking about under the hood or in between the sheets.

Aidra Fox needs everything lubed up, from top to bottom. The shifty mechanic cuts her timing belt in half so that she has no choice but to pay with her pussy.

The pussy eating in this video is fucking over the top amazing. As far as I’m concerned, there can never be enough clit licking in a porno. The German mechanic in this clip seems to totally agree with me. Wild Vicky is the tattooed orgasm junky who gets to feel all the stimulation she can handle.

Last on the list today is another mechanic looking for payment in the form of pussy. She doesn’t want to tell her dad that she fucked up the gears so she takes a pounding from a guy down at the garage to set the bill straight.

I’m going to have to come up with a different scenario for mechanic porno and shoot some myself, I think. Car sex is fucking hot as hell, but bartering all the time gets old. What if the person was so appreciative that their car was fixed that they tipped the mechanic in oral? Or if the wife of one of the mechanics comes to the garage to drop off his lunch and gives him an afternoon delight?

The possibilities are endless…someone should start filming.

If you’d like a Fap Along of your very own, hit me up in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter with the details.

Image: Stephanie Cane in Mechanic Teen by Brazzers

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Mystery Vibrator Arrival

I got home from work last Wednesday night and there were a bunch of packages sitting on my doorstep. It’s December, so that’s not at all surprising. I’m on Amazon and Etsy more than I’m texting with my friends these days. It’s the season of giving and everyone is getting in on the action.

One box wasn’t from a company I ordered from though. I was familiar with it…I’ve been buying sex toys from SheVibe for years, but I definitely haven’t purchased anything for my own orgasmic pleasure since the summer. Sex toys randomly landing on my front porch during a particularly stressful week? Sometimes I have the best luck.

I opened up the box and the mystery became curiouser. A vibrator was inside, but not just any vibrator…it was a sex toy that I have been pining over for months but was never ready to pull the trigger on.

I’m a self-admitted sucker for packaging, and the Sensevibe Classic has all the bells and whistles that I’m looking for. The design is sleek and sexy. It has a power punch that’s exactly what my body craves. Just look at this thing!!!

The case keeps the vibrator free from dust and gross stuff in the air and it is also the charger. I’ve got the box set up right next to my bed for easy access when I’m ready to roll. I love the fact that I can keep my toy fully changed at all times. One of the worst things you can do to me is leave me with a vibrator that is dying. You know what sucks? Being three seconds away from orgasm when the vibrator dies.

I love the way that this fucking thing fits in my hands. Both the shaft and the clit stimulator vibrate, and there are a variety of rumble settings that you can flip through. The best part? It’s waterproof. Not like, sort of waterproof, but completely submersible. Because it charges wirelessly in the fancy box, there are zero holes for that pesky H2O to seep through. If I was going to pick a toy for myself, this is the one that I would have picked.

I’m not sure who sent me this amazing vibrator, but I’m appreciative. My baths this week have been filled with some fairly intense orgasms and I owe it all to you. Maybe Santa is real after all.

Images: SheVibe

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Butthole Sunning

I love crazy trends. Back in the 60’s, people stuffed themselves into telephone booths and Volkswagen Beetles. In the 80s people teased out their hair while wearing shoulder pads and playing with micro machines and saying, “Where’s the Beef?” The 90s had people doing that Arsenio Hall punch-the-air, bark-like-a dog thing in Co-Ed Naked, Big Johnson shirts.

The awesome/not so awesome thing about now is that the Internet exists, so now we have visual evidence of all the fads that catch on for blips of time.

Sunning your butthole has become one of those trends, Peepz. And I’m here for it, but probably not for the right reasons. I just think that showing off your naughty bits outdoors is sexy.

Instagram influencers/hippy hipsters are letting the sun touch their bums because they believe that the practice is filled with healing energy.

I’m not about to say that this practice doesn’t work. If I’m being honest, I wear crystals every day, meditate a few times a week and can totally vibe out to the sound of singing bowls. I also love being naked outside, so why not just grab my ankles and join in on the fun like Metaphysical Megan over on insta?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 𓂀 𓋹 Metaphysical Meagan 𓋹 𓂀 (@metaphysicalmeagan) on Oct 21, 2019 at 7:57am PDT

Listen, I get it…it’s so freeing to be outdoors without any clothes on. I’m just not sure that sunning my asshole is going to feed my body with any more positive energy than if I was just sitting there. Is the butthole a gateway to happiness? I mean, yes…but again, not in the way that Instagram Influencers would have you believe.

View this post on Instagram

Butthole sunning Bum Sunners: @jamesoncamden @wildtreeman Tashi

A post shared by I am Ɍ Δ:Human Teacher/Student (@ra_of_earth) on Oct 6, 2019 at 5:44pm PDT

I mean, you do you…you know? I’ll keep on wearing my hematite and onyx to keep my vibe straight, you toss your asshole up to the sun to get your vitamin D fix. If you’re not harming anyone, who cares, right?

What do you Peepz think about this trend? Are you curious about butthole sunning and getting naked outdoors, or do you think it’s a crock of shit? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter with your thoughts.

Source: Health

Image: Luscious Lopez and Katija Kassin in Going Once, Going Twice…Buttsex! by Brazzers

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My Tits in Your Mailbox

I fucking love the holidays, Peepz. The whole world seems a bit happier and I’m always so grateful to celebrate another year coming to an end while another one is starting up fresh. This year has been a roller coaster of happiness, sadness and all around change…and I’m so excited to begin 2020 anew.

Every year for the past 14 I’ve spread the word about my very special holiday cards. I put stamps on them and mail them out to anyone who requests them…it’s my way of saying thanks for reading/watching and perving out along with me for all this time. The special part is what’s inside though.

Spoiler alert: It’s a print of my boob. I slather myself up with paint, smoosh my boobs onto the card…let that fucker dry and put it in the mail to you.

Here’s an Xtube clip from 2011 where you can watch my “special” printing process.

Boob Printed Cards powered by XTube

Obviously, each card is completely personalized and unique. Sometimes people get boob stamps where you can actually see my nipple…sometimes they look like indistinguishable paint blobs…either way, it’s one of my favorite holiday traditions and I’m totally psyched to do it again this year.

If you would like a boob printed holiday card straight from me to you, please slide into my DMs on twitter (or shoot me an email at alphaharlot at gmail dot com) with your name and address. I’m 100% discrete and I do not put my return address on the envelope, so no one but you and I will know what secrets are inside the card.

I won’t sell your name and address or rat out the fact that you like looking at naked people in your spare time. Promise. It’s totally our secret.

I’m pretty sure that there are only 3 people that have the complete Harlot Boob printed card collection, but it’s super fun to collect the new card every year.

Hit me up if you’d like one!!!

Image: Harlot’s Private Stash

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Fap Along With Harlot: Vamping with Vixen

Peepz! It’s Sunday! My weekend was filled with visiting relatives and entirely too many animals running around my home. Last night, my wife and I kicked everyone out and told them to get a hotel because it was way too much for our childless lives to handle. I don’t know that I appreciated how quiet things usually are in my home until we closed the door on our last guest.

Anyway…it’s fucking masturbation time because my pussy is needy and I haven’t been able to orgasm in 4 days. Today, I pulled five clips from Vixen for us to enjoy with each other. These videos are shot beautifully. The scenery is sexy and the ladies are even hotter. Are you ready to get off with me? I’m thinking we leave our undies on and manhandle ourselves accordingly….Let’s Fap!

First up is sex in paradise. You’re going to see this as a recurring theme this week, I hope you don’t mind. We start out with a blowjob on the beach and then move back up to the hotel room for some spread eagle banging.

With ships is the distance standing by to watch, Gabbie Carter and Little Caprice get busy with their toes in the ocean. Even though the threesome only just met, they know exactly what each person needs.

Kendra Sunderland has beautiful tits that are topped off with pierced nipples. Her jewelry sparkles under the bright lights and hypnotize Manuel Ferrara into submission.

Harley Dean doesn’t care which position she’s getting fucked in…she’s an Ace with them all. My favorite to watch is definitely when she’s going at a cock reverse cowgirl and grinding her bubble butt right back into his shaft.

Two besties decide they want to bang and bring an innocent bystander along for a good time. Cecelia Lion and Khloe Kapri are no match for the legendary monster cock of Mick Blue.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. I’ve made a sloppy mess of my panties and it’s time for me to take a shower…I suggest you do the same.

If you’d like a Fap Along of your very own, hit me up in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Image: Mia Split in Flexible by Vixen

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Canadian Couple Caught Having Sex On Plane!

There are two ways to handle getting caught doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. You can cop up to it and admit you broke the rules and apologize to anyone who was hurt- or you can deny everything and lawyer up.

This is what Jason George Chase and Alicia Elizabeth Lander did when they were allegedly caught having sex on an Air Canada flight from Toronto to Halifax. The pair was accused of committing an indecent act in public and assaulting the arresting officer. Kinky!

Lawyers for the frisky Canadians pleaded not guilty on behalf of their clients, who were not present at the time.

Much like another case we read about involving two mile high club members flying into Las Vegas, one of the defendants was married and his wife was reportedly waiting for him at the terminal when his flight landed. He probably hand some ‘splaining to do.

Details about the case weren’t released by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police although they did say it wasn’t actual intercourse. Unlike Bill Clinton, however, if it’s good enough to get you arrested I’ll go ahead and call it sex.

Personally I’ve never seen the appeal of having sex while flying. I don’t have any kind of anxiety or problem with flying, but I don’t exactly consider it a good time either. Once the door shuts and the fart smell starts wafting through the cabin while everyone coughs and talks about their boring job, I’d rather be sucking on a tiny bottle of whiskey than try to fuck someone.

Still, a lot of people like to socialize while flying and drinks at the bar can turn to flirting at the terminal and blow jobs on the plane. It might not be my bag but others seem to like it- just remember the most important part of joining the mile high is not getting caught.

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Study: Female Night-Owls Have More Sex

In an effort to improve both my physical and mental health, I started going to bed earlier. For the most part it’s been a successful experiment and while some would argue I did it simply to eat breakfast at McDonalds more often, I do feel more energetic.

However, I do have substantially less sex.

Throwing out a late night text or instant message to someone else who doesn’t sleep was how I got the ball rolling on some of my more intimate social interactions. Now that I wake up around the time these people go to sleep, I’m left scratching my head trying to figure out what to do with all this extra energy (hint: I masturbate a lot).

According to a study from the University of Chicago, this could be because women who stay up late tend to have more sex than those who go to bed and wake up early. Hmph!

It was determined that female night-owls tend to have levels of the hormone cortisol that were similar to that of men. This hormone is associated with such sex-enabling characteristics as high energy, arousability and stress. Like men, women with these cortisol levels are thought to take greater social risks and seek out casual sex partners in the twilight hours.

Additionally, researchers determined that night-owls who seek out more short-term sexual relationships are less likely to be in committed relationships.

There are a lot of other factors involved with this study that may affect these results. For example, people with high levels of cortisol also tend to be more successful and perform better on intelligence tests. Men and women who are successful and driven tend to have trouble with long-term relationships and prefer quick sexual hookups.

So while it’s unlikely that staying up late every night will magically cause you to start getting laid more, it is possible that you can find people interested in casual sex once all the nerds go to bed. On the other hand, if you’re looking for someone for a stable relationship, you might want to pay attention to how late they stay up.

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Cardiovascular Health Linked To Better Sex For Men- Science!

If I’ve learned anything from the years I’ve spent scouring the internet for sex related news it’s that what’s good for the heart is usually good for the penis and sometimes vice versa.

We’ve read countless articles about how clean living and regular exercise can improve one’s sex life as well as their health. With vegetarians, yoga practitioners, and avid runners reported as having better than average sex lives- it’s obvious there’s a connection between health and sexual function.

According to a report published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, a link was discovered between poor cardiovascular health and erectile dysfunction in older men.

The focus of the study was on the presence of statins, or drugs designed to lower cholesterol. It was determined through analyzing numerous studies that the presence of statins not only improved cardiovascular health in men, it also improved sexual function. Groovy!

Scientists also identified a link between diabetes and wiener problems, which is especially alarming considering how prevalent the disease is becoming. They hope this research will help identify and treat causes of ED as well as promote healthier lifestyles for older men.

Treatments for erectile dysfunction are part of a billion dollar industry, which is why every TV show you watch features advertisements for some kind of boner medicine. This study isn’t suggesting we add statins to this list of treatments, but rather that good cardiovascular health itself that can help improve sexual function.

It stands to reason that if men are looking for a healthier way to improve their libido, lowering their cholesterol through diet and exercise is also a valid option.

We’ve read numerous stories about how exercise and diet can improve a one’s love life, and that sex itself is also decent exercise. Therefore it stands to reason you could reach some advanced level of sexercise and vegetarianism where you perpetually fuck yourself towards immortality.

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You Can Only Date…Him

Dating is rough, there’s no doubt about it. After a few rough dates in a row, you can feel like you’re completely wasting your time with strangers who aren’t in tune with what you’re looking for. A narcissistic man from Greenboro, North Carolina has fixed that problem, but only for himself.

Aaron Smith created an app called Singularity. It’s basically like the rest of the swipe and select dating apps of current day society, except that he is the only man on it. No matter what women who sign up do, he will be their only option for a man to date.

This seems like an excellent app that’s due for a lesbian takeover, if I’m being honest.

Here’s a video where Aaron explains his ambitious new tech.

Sure this is a hilarious novelty. But it seems like Aaron’s problem may be that he’s too busy focusing on himself to have a look around at what the people he could be dating actually want. It’s that whole, “Last Man on Earth,” complex where you feel like you’re completely alone, so you isolate yourself from the rest of the world rather than attempting to get to know the people that you’re interested in.

Singularity feels like it’s a lazy attempt at a joke…and it’s pathetically not funny.

Is it a novelty? Sure…I mean, I’m writing about it, right? I think it’s hilarious that a guy thought so highly of himself and his self misery that he had an app created just for himself so that he could have pick of the litter.

In the video above, he says that he feels like going outside to meet people is, “too much work.” I’m going to guess that any work is actually too much work, because this seems to be like the type of person that wants things handed to them on a silver platter. Dating is hard work…finding someone that you click with is even harder…but if you’re not willing to put in the effort, you’re going to find yourself alone over and over again.

What do you Peepz think of Aaron’s idea? Is it genius or desperate? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs and tell me some stories about completely dreadful dates you’ve been on. I’ve got a few doozys myself.

Source: People

Image: Cassidy Banks in Phone Bone by Brazzers

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Getting Stuffed on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving in the United States is a day that involves a fuck ton of cooking and a whole lot of gluttony. My wife and I have tricked our families into believing that we are celebrating with other people and all we’re doing is staying home. The glorious pseudo-celebration involves watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, the Westminster Dog Show and banging.

Since we bought our new home in July, we’ve been doing nothing but unpacking, painting and moving furniture around. There is so much still that needs to be done, but we’re trudging through the maze of being new homeowners at a rather efficient pace, if I do say so myself.

The only problem is that our sex life has fallen to the wayside and we intend on using the Thanksgiving holiday to change that.

We have a full day of sensual baths, foot rubs, full body massages and tons of touching planned. Over the weekend, we went hunting for all of our boxes of sex toys and we uncovered all but one. Right now, I have no idea where my hitachi has gone, but I’m positive that I hid it inside something that I thought was important…which obviously wasn’t that important because I haven’t unpacked the box yet.

I frustrate myself sometimes.

My wife and I need to take a few days to rediscover our physical love for each other. It’s going to to be an orgasm packed adventure that we’ll be able to remember for a long while. We both have secret fantasy activities planned for each other. Even though we both know we won’t get through them all, we’ll be able to focus on love and passion, just like we were able to before we made the largest purchases of our lives.

The Thanksgiving table in this Passion HD clip is fairly barren of food, but that doesn’t mean that the sex isn’t hot. After a few bits of Turkey, the gorgeous couple are ready for a meal that their sexual appetites can handle.

By the time that you Peepz are reading this, I will have been completely stuffed with both food, fingers and my wife’s strapon. I hope the next month of holidays is as stress-less as possible, and that you feel magic in your life, and in your bedrooms, all year round.

Image: Julia Bond in Cock n’ Roll Thanksgiving by Brazzers

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Struggling to Finish

Back in the day, I invited one of my Xtube friends from Georgia up to Jersey to spend the weekend fucking me. He was younger than I was by about 5 years and online, he was rip roaring and ready to go. When he ended up in my house though, he was having issues performing.

I genuinely liked him as a person, so I would have been totally fine with sitting on my couch and watching South Park. He was not cool with it at all though, so he spent most of the weekend being angry. At first he blamed the fact that I wasn’t “sucking his dick right,” so in normal Harlot fashion, I asked him to explain to me how he liked having his dick sucked. Mutual masturbation is one of the ways I’m able to pick up some tips and tricks on how my partners like to be touched, so we tried that.

Nothing…

I finally got him hard by slowly running my finger up and down his shaft while we watched some porno. As soon as I put a condom on him though, he shrunk right down to flacid. Stage fright had taken over this poor guy’s brain and he was never going to be able to cum.

He couldn’t deal with it, so I ended up dropping him off at the airport a full day early and we never spoke again. To me, it seemed like a waste of a good time. There was plenty of fun that we could have had with each other that didn’t necessarily involve orgasms…or him getting hard at all.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there are plenty of men who can get hard, but can’t ejacualte. In the Guardian story linked below, the author talks about how he has had trouble cumming ever since he lost his virginity.

He says:

At 35, I discovered the term traumatic masturbatory syndrome online. I think this is at the root of my problems; my early experiments with masturbation may have reduced the nerve function in my penis. I also worry that my 5in penis is smaller than average. My first girlfriend told me it was inadequate, and in my 20s, another girlfriend laughed about it in front of several mutual friends at a party.

I feel like I can relate to his troubles in some aspects. I used to masturbate 15-20 times a day on average. As I’ve grown older, the sensitivity in my pussy has definitely decreased. Now, rather than my wife’s fingers being able to bring me to orgasm, it always takes at least a vibrator, if not a vibrator and a dildo (or a fist).

When we’re young, sometimes we take sex and pleasure for granted and fill our lives with it a bit too much. Being a glutton for pleasure can be so fucking enjoyable in the moment, but edging our sexuality through the years, like we can our individual orgasms, can sometimes be more helpful for lifelong enjoyment.

Source: Guardian

Image: Alexis Grace in No Spoilers, Bitch by Brazzers

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Fap Along with Harlot: Michele James

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Eating Before Sex

First date food was always tricky for me. I’m a fan of burgers because it’s kind of an in and out type of a meal. There aren’t usually appetizers or anything holding you back from the end game…some people need to be wined and dined with fancy dinners, but that was never me.

On our first date, my wife and I went shopping for old school video games. We stopped at the sushi place next door to the shop and had really terrible service. The waitress literally ignored us for half the time and then glared at us when we asked for the check. It was crazy. I was totally turned on at the end of everything, but it was more about my wife’s sparkling personality rather than the food we were consuming.

We didn’t fuck that night though. She held out for date number 4.

The New York Post recently ran an article about foods that are aphrodisiacs and the top answer is really going to surprise you.

Italian food comes from the heart. I’ve grown up in Italian kitchens and I know how much love goes into making sauce, meatballs and all things parm.

Chicken parm happens to be the biggest aphrodisiac in NYC right now.

That’s right.

Breaded chicken, smothered in sauce and all sorts of cheesy goodness is the go to for bedding down babes.

As the author of The Cut article linked below says…I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. There are plenty of different small plates of food that I would rather consume before sex. Chicken parm makes me feel…heavier. Like I want to take a nap. It doesn’t make me horned up or ready for a night long session of belly jiggling pounding.

I’m a fan of oranges and whiskey before sex. Old Fashions are my drink of choice in most arenas, but if I’m planning on getting laid, they slide down my throat like water. I get that the orange is just a garnish, but there’s something about the way that the citrus tastes when it hits my lips that totally turns me on.

How about you, my Peepz? Do you have a go-to food that you like to munch on before sex? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source: The Cut

Image: Alex Blake in When the Food Truck is a Rockin‘ by Brazzers

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Life After Sex Work

There’s a twitter trend happening now where people post pictures of themselves in 2009 and then pictures of themselves from 2019. My feed was full of them two days ago so I started hunting around. I ran into an issue because I just got a new computer and my external hard drive is in a box that has yet to be unpacked.

Back in 2009, I was spending most of my time working. I was an accountant, I was working in a porno shop. I had very little time for Internet socialization because I was creating content all of the time. Having an amateur porno mini empire is a whole lot of work. You won’t hear me complain about it, but it is very time intensive. In 2009, I was fresh faced and ready to take on the world. In 2019, I’m a business lady doing business things and sitting in board rooms during the daylight hours managing people up and down the east coast of the United States.

Porno was definitely a more fun career, but managing people means that I get to use my Domme skills to get people to do what I want them to do. I’m honestly very lucky to find myself in the position that I’m in though. There’s a strange diacotamy about the way people the way people feel about hiring people who have done sex work and the how forcefully people will tell you to get out of sex work when you’re knee deep in it. It’s fucked.

In the Business Insider article linked below, you can read the story of a woman named Melissa Petro. She was a sex worker while she was in college and became a school teacher. When people discovered her past life, she was forced to quit and find a new career.

Melissa says that her time as a stripper prepared her for her kids and marriage though. She knew exactly what kind of partner she was looking for because she had encountered all. types. of. people. while she was working in the clubs. I completely agree with that. Dealing with people online jaded me and decreased my patience for bullshit.

In the next stage of her life, where she’s a wife and mother, she faces even more criticism. Are she and her husband raising their children “correctly”? Is there more that she could do to make her family’s lives easier? Does she have to fit into the stereotype of 100% all the time happy mom or the angry, falling apart, drunk on wine mom?

Nope…not at all.

There is life before, during and after sex work.

Her article ends with this:

Over a decade ago, I found the courage to face society’s misconceptions and talk openly about my experiences in the sex industry. These days, in spite of the risk I’ll be cast as a bad mother, I am honest about my experiences as a mother. But for my provocative history, I am in every way your typical wife and mom: relatively satisfied, grateful, #blessed … but also overworked and exhausted, burnt out, under constant surveillance, and yet utterly invisible, just as I felt when I sold sex.

I think that’s an amazingly insightful thought.

Here are the pictures that I decided to share on twitter to show the contrast between who I am now and who I was 10 years ago.

#2009vs2019 life's nice… No matter how much hair I have to how much clothing I'm wearing. pic.twitter.com/18CUGWIwko

— Alpha Harlot (@AlphaHarlot) November 21, 2019

Source: Business Insider

I’m definitely the same person in all four pictures…

Image: Diamond Foxxx in Strict Teacher by Brazzers

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Sex and Lies: Science!

Back before I met my wife, I was running all over New York and New Jersey to find partners to fuck. My main goal every morning was to have sex. How I accomplished that task was sometimes dishonest.

There are ways that you can convince men to have sex with you. It only took a few minutes of conversation with some very specific questions to figure out if I was interested in fucking the person I was talking to and how exactly I would make that happen. Sometimes, that how required me to lie in order to become who that person needed me to be in that moment.

When sex is laid out on a platter in front of you, sometimes dishonesty creeps into the picture. One of the reasons why I honestly feel like I ended up with my wife was because I never had to do that with her.

New research that has been led by the University of Rochester in New York and the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya in Israel reveals that the deceitfulness may actually be the norm. The paper is called Making the right first impression: Sexual priming encourages attitude change and self-presentation lies during encounters with potential partners and that basically sums up the research.

When we are trying to bang, we want to impress the people that we are spending our time with. That’s how you make the magic happen, right? You find someone that you click with and you crave being exactly what they need. We want to fit together like puzzle pieces and get together with like minded individuals as much as we possibly can. The way that you present yourself, your best self, to new companions is completely natural. Is it a lie if you invite someone over for the first time and your bed is completely made with new sheets? Are you the type of person that makes your bed every morning? While not actively lying, you are presenting something that is not completely honest.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying to be better in order to impress people when sex is involved. You can totally do it on your own, by being yourself, but if you need to embellish slightly to ensure that you end up knee deep in orgasms, I don’t see any harm in that.

What do you Peepz think about stretching the truth in order to hook up? Have you ever gotten fucked because you were dishonest? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter with your sexy stories.

Source: Medical News Today and The Journal of Experimental Psychology

Image: Madelyn Marie in Dirty Boss Caught by Brazzers

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Fap Along With Harlot: Bare Muff Munching

I’ve been talking to one of my snapchat/twitter friends for a little over a year. He hit me up last week asking for his own curated Fap Along with some girl-on-girl action. Since his preference is for no bush, I figured I’d incorporate that as well.

Are you Peepz ready to get down and dirty with me? I’ve pulled 5 clips from Pornhub and they’re waiting for us. Grab your favorite jizz towel and let’s start fapping!

You know what’s difficult? Standing up while you’re getting your pussy eaten. My knees buckle and it becomes hard for me to focus on both standing and enjoying the pleasure at the same time. This clip from Girls Gone Wild is an appetizer for the main event.

Jada Fire and Skin Diamond are fire when they fuck. This clip is a bit old school, so the quality isn’t up to the HD standards that we’re used to at this point but it’s so steamy that I had to share it with my favorite Peepz.

A curvy, tattooed, redhead MILF gets freaky with some pussy and makes sure that her fingers are covered in sticky lady jizz. I loved watching their tongues work each other to climax.

Getting rid of the bush can sometimes be fun too. This next clip features two hotties in a bath at a spa. The redhead is looking to get her bush shaved off after a breakup and the brunette is more than happy to oblige.

If I had to choose between cumming or cleaning the house, I’m going to choose cumming. Two Russian maids get tired of scrubbing fingerprints off glass and decide to occupy themselves in other, more intimate, ways.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. If you’d like a Fap Along of your very own, slide into my DMs on twitter or hit me up in the comments below!

Image: Alex Chance, Aubrey Addams and Noelle Easton in My Two Lesbian Lovers by Brazzers

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Library Says No Fisting

Little known Harlot fact (that you already know if you follow me on twitter): My wife and I both have a background in libraries. We read all the damn time and are completely fascinated in the inner workings of being public (and private) servants to knowledge. I got out of the field back in May and made the transition back into the for profit world, but we still spend many of our nights discussing library antics and policies.

One of her patrons tossed her an article last week about a library in Calgary that is having some issues. As part of their Femme Wave Festival, the Memorial Park Library invited two queer artists, Maddie Alexander and Morgan Sears-Williams, to exhibit their works. They called the collection, which has been shown in a handful of different cities, Femme4Femme.

When Morgan arrived at the library to set up the exhibition, they began talking to one of the librarians about the work. A poster called, “The Do’s and Don’ts of Fisting,” had the librarian turn on her heels to get the library director.

The library director explained that the poster displayed that the poster would not be allowed because it was “sexually explicit.” I’m going to mention that the poster did not include an image of anyone getting fisted…it was actually a Vintage Lesbian Pulp magazine cover that had safer sex tips popping up around it. One of these tips, “Wash your hands,” is probably the least offensive thing I’ve ever read.

The library director specifically took issue with the word fisting…as many puritanical people do. Since the rest of the art was OK, the director said that, if they removed,- “The Do’s and Don’ts of Fisting,” the show could go on as planned. Morgan and Maddie said, “No Dice,” and found a different venue for their exhibition.

October 21st is actually International Fisting Day. My wife and I celebrated as we always do. I wonder if this library mishap had happened literally two weeks earlier if the artists would have been able to get some international attention focused on their cause.

My wife and I have differing opinions on this story. She works in public libraries and can completely understand how parents would be outraged about explaining the act of fisting to their kids. I think that if the exhibition was put into a specific room and parents were told that the show contains some verbal sexual imagery, that it would be OK. Getting the message out to the LGBTQ youth is what’s important.

What do you Peepz think about fisting? Is it one of sexualities final frontiers or is it a kinky way to get stuffed? Let me know in the comments below, or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source: Buzzfeed

Image: Bonnie Rotten in The Age of Sexual Enlightenment by Brazzers

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