Canadian Couple Caught Having Sex On Plane!

There are two ways to handle getting caught doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. You can cop up to it and admit you broke the rules and apologize to anyone who was hurt- or you can deny everything and lawyer up.

This is what Jason George Chase and Alicia Elizabeth Lander did when they were allegedly caught having sex on an Air Canada flight from Toronto to Halifax. The pair was accused of committing an indecent act in public and assaulting the arresting officer. Kinky!

Lawyers for the frisky Canadians pleaded not guilty on behalf of their clients, who were not present at the time.

Much like another case we read about involving two mile high club members flying into Las Vegas, one of the defendants was married and his wife was reportedly waiting for him at the terminal when his flight landed. He probably hand some ‘splaining to do.

Details about the case weren’t released by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police although they did say it wasn’t actual intercourse. Unlike Bill Clinton, however, if it’s good enough to get you arrested I’ll go ahead and call it sex.

Personally I’ve never seen the appeal of having sex while flying. I don’t have any kind of anxiety or problem with flying, but I don’t exactly consider it a good time either. Once the door shuts and the fart smell starts wafting through the cabin while everyone coughs and talks about their boring job, I’d rather be sucking on a tiny bottle of whiskey than try to fuck someone.

Still, a lot of people like to socialize while flying and drinks at the bar can turn to flirting at the terminal and blow jobs on the plane. It might not be my bag but others seem to like it- just remember the most important part of joining the mile high is not getting caught.

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Study: Female Night-Owls Have More Sex

In an effort to improve both my physical and mental health, I started going to bed earlier. For the most part it’s been a successful experiment and while some would argue I did it simply to eat breakfast at McDonalds more often, I do feel more energetic.

However, I do have substantially less sex.

Throwing out a late night text or instant message to someone else who doesn’t sleep was how I got the ball rolling on some of my more intimate social interactions. Now that I wake up around the time these people go to sleep, I’m left scratching my head trying to figure out what to do with all this extra energy (hint: I masturbate a lot).

According to a study from the University of Chicago, this could be because women who stay up late tend to have more sex than those who go to bed and wake up early. Hmph!

It was determined that female night-owls tend to have levels of the hormone cortisol that were similar to that of men. This hormone is associated with such sex-enabling characteristics as high energy, arousability and stress. Like men, women with these cortisol levels are thought to take greater social risks and seek out casual sex partners in the twilight hours.

Additionally, researchers determined that night-owls who seek out more short-term sexual relationships are less likely to be in committed relationships.

There are a lot of other factors involved with this study that may affect these results. For example, people with high levels of cortisol also tend to be more successful and perform better on intelligence tests. Men and women who are successful and driven tend to have trouble with long-term relationships and prefer quick sexual hookups.

So while it’s unlikely that staying up late every night will magically cause you to start getting laid more, it is possible that you can find people interested in casual sex once all the nerds go to bed. On the other hand, if you’re looking for someone for a stable relationship, you might want to pay attention to how late they stay up.

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Cardiovascular Health Linked To Better Sex For Men- Science!

If I’ve learned anything from the years I’ve spent scouring the internet for sex related news it’s that what’s good for the heart is usually good for the penis and sometimes vice versa.

We’ve read countless articles about how clean living and regular exercise can improve one’s sex life as well as their health. With vegetarians, yoga practitioners, and avid runners reported as having better than average sex lives- it’s obvious there’s a connection between health and sexual function.

According to a report published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, a link was discovered between poor cardiovascular health and erectile dysfunction in older men.

The focus of the study was on the presence of statins, or drugs designed to lower cholesterol. It was determined through analyzing numerous studies that the presence of statins not only improved cardiovascular health in men, it also improved sexual function. Groovy!

Scientists also identified a link between diabetes and wiener problems, which is especially alarming considering how prevalent the disease is becoming. They hope this research will help identify and treat causes of ED as well as promote healthier lifestyles for older men.

Treatments for erectile dysfunction are part of a billion dollar industry, which is why every TV show you watch features advertisements for some kind of boner medicine. This study isn’t suggesting we add statins to this list of treatments, but rather that good cardiovascular health itself that can help improve sexual function.

It stands to reason that if men are looking for a healthier way to improve their libido, lowering their cholesterol through diet and exercise is also a valid option.

We’ve read numerous stories about how exercise and diet can improve a one’s love life, and that sex itself is also decent exercise. Therefore it stands to reason you could reach some advanced level of sexercise and vegetarianism where you perpetually fuck yourself towards immortality.

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You Can Only Date…Him

Dating is rough, there’s no doubt about it. After a few rough dates in a row, you can feel like you’re completely wasting your time with strangers who aren’t in tune with what you’re looking for. A narcissistic man from Greenboro, North Carolina has fixed that problem, but only for himself.

Aaron Smith created an app called Singularity. It’s basically like the rest of the swipe and select dating apps of current day society, except that he is the only man on it. No matter what women who sign up do, he will be their only option for a man to date.

This seems like an excellent app that’s due for a lesbian takeover, if I’m being honest.

Here’s a video where Aaron explains his ambitious new tech.

Sure this is a hilarious novelty. But it seems like Aaron’s problem may be that he’s too busy focusing on himself to have a look around at what the people he could be dating actually want. It’s that whole, “Last Man on Earth,” complex where you feel like you’re completely alone, so you isolate yourself from the rest of the world rather than attempting to get to know the people that you’re interested in.

Singularity feels like it’s a lazy attempt at a joke…and it’s pathetically not funny.

Is it a novelty? Sure…I mean, I’m writing about it, right? I think it’s hilarious that a guy thought so highly of himself and his self misery that he had an app created just for himself so that he could have pick of the litter.

In the video above, he says that he feels like going outside to meet people is, “too much work.” I’m going to guess that any work is actually too much work, because this seems to be like the type of person that wants things handed to them on a silver platter. Dating is hard work…finding someone that you click with is even harder…but if you’re not willing to put in the effort, you’re going to find yourself alone over and over again.

What do you Peepz think of Aaron’s idea? Is it genius or desperate? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs and tell me some stories about completely dreadful dates you’ve been on. I’ve got a few doozys myself.

Source: People

Image: Cassidy Banks in Phone Bone by Brazzers

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Getting Stuffed on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving in the United States is a day that involves a fuck ton of cooking and a whole lot of gluttony. My wife and I have tricked our families into believing that we are celebrating with other people and all we’re doing is staying home. The glorious pseudo-celebration involves watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, the Westminster Dog Show and banging.

Since we bought our new home in July, we’ve been doing nothing but unpacking, painting and moving furniture around. There is so much still that needs to be done, but we’re trudging through the maze of being new homeowners at a rather efficient pace, if I do say so myself.

The only problem is that our sex life has fallen to the wayside and we intend on using the Thanksgiving holiday to change that.

We have a full day of sensual baths, foot rubs, full body massages and tons of touching planned. Over the weekend, we went hunting for all of our boxes of sex toys and we uncovered all but one. Right now, I have no idea where my hitachi has gone, but I’m positive that I hid it inside something that I thought was important…which obviously wasn’t that important because I haven’t unpacked the box yet.

I frustrate myself sometimes.

My wife and I need to take a few days to rediscover our physical love for each other. It’s going to to be an orgasm packed adventure that we’ll be able to remember for a long while. We both have secret fantasy activities planned for each other. Even though we both know we won’t get through them all, we’ll be able to focus on love and passion, just like we were able to before we made the largest purchases of our lives.

The Thanksgiving table in this Passion HD clip is fairly barren of food, but that doesn’t mean that the sex isn’t hot. After a few bits of Turkey, the gorgeous couple are ready for a meal that their sexual appetites can handle.

By the time that you Peepz are reading this, I will have been completely stuffed with both food, fingers and my wife’s strapon. I hope the next month of holidays is as stress-less as possible, and that you feel magic in your life, and in your bedrooms, all year round.

Image: Julia Bond in Cock n’ Roll Thanksgiving by Brazzers

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Struggling to Finish

Back in the day, I invited one of my Xtube friends from Georgia up to Jersey to spend the weekend fucking me. He was younger than I was by about 5 years and online, he was rip roaring and ready to go. When he ended up in my house though, he was having issues performing.

I genuinely liked him as a person, so I would have been totally fine with sitting on my couch and watching South Park. He was not cool with it at all though, so he spent most of the weekend being angry. At first he blamed the fact that I wasn’t “sucking his dick right,” so in normal Harlot fashion, I asked him to explain to me how he liked having his dick sucked. Mutual masturbation is one of the ways I’m able to pick up some tips and tricks on how my partners like to be touched, so we tried that.

Nothing…

I finally got him hard by slowly running my finger up and down his shaft while we watched some porno. As soon as I put a condom on him though, he shrunk right down to flacid. Stage fright had taken over this poor guy’s brain and he was never going to be able to cum.

He couldn’t deal with it, so I ended up dropping him off at the airport a full day early and we never spoke again. To me, it seemed like a waste of a good time. There was plenty of fun that we could have had with each other that didn’t necessarily involve orgasms…or him getting hard at all.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there are plenty of men who can get hard, but can’t ejacualte. In the Guardian story linked below, the author talks about how he has had trouble cumming ever since he lost his virginity.

He says:

At 35, I discovered the term traumatic masturbatory syndrome online. I think this is at the root of my problems; my early experiments with masturbation may have reduced the nerve function in my penis. I also worry that my 5in penis is smaller than average. My first girlfriend told me it was inadequate, and in my 20s, another girlfriend laughed about it in front of several mutual friends at a party.

I feel like I can relate to his troubles in some aspects. I used to masturbate 15-20 times a day on average. As I’ve grown older, the sensitivity in my pussy has definitely decreased. Now, rather than my wife’s fingers being able to bring me to orgasm, it always takes at least a vibrator, if not a vibrator and a dildo (or a fist).

When we’re young, sometimes we take sex and pleasure for granted and fill our lives with it a bit too much. Being a glutton for pleasure can be so fucking enjoyable in the moment, but edging our sexuality through the years, like we can our individual orgasms, can sometimes be more helpful for lifelong enjoyment.

Source: Guardian

Image: Alexis Grace in No Spoilers, Bitch by Brazzers

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Fap Along with Harlot: Michele James

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Eating Before Sex

First date food was always tricky for me. I’m a fan of burgers because it’s kind of an in and out type of a meal. There aren’t usually appetizers or anything holding you back from the end game…some people need to be wined and dined with fancy dinners, but that was never me.

On our first date, my wife and I went shopping for old school video games. We stopped at the sushi place next door to the shop and had really terrible service. The waitress literally ignored us for half the time and then glared at us when we asked for the check. It was crazy. I was totally turned on at the end of everything, but it was more about my wife’s sparkling personality rather than the food we were consuming.

We didn’t fuck that night though. She held out for date number 4.

The New York Post recently ran an article about foods that are aphrodisiacs and the top answer is really going to surprise you.

Italian food comes from the heart. I’ve grown up in Italian kitchens and I know how much love goes into making sauce, meatballs and all things parm.

Chicken parm happens to be the biggest aphrodisiac in NYC right now.

That’s right.

Breaded chicken, smothered in sauce and all sorts of cheesy goodness is the go to for bedding down babes.

As the author of The Cut article linked below says…I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. There are plenty of different small plates of food that I would rather consume before sex. Chicken parm makes me feel…heavier. Like I want to take a nap. It doesn’t make me horned up or ready for a night long session of belly jiggling pounding.

I’m a fan of oranges and whiskey before sex. Old Fashions are my drink of choice in most arenas, but if I’m planning on getting laid, they slide down my throat like water. I get that the orange is just a garnish, but there’s something about the way that the citrus tastes when it hits my lips that totally turns me on.

How about you, my Peepz? Do you have a go-to food that you like to munch on before sex? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source: The Cut

Image: Alex Blake in When the Food Truck is a Rockin‘ by Brazzers

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Life After Sex Work

There’s a twitter trend happening now where people post pictures of themselves in 2009 and then pictures of themselves from 2019. My feed was full of them two days ago so I started hunting around. I ran into an issue because I just got a new computer and my external hard drive is in a box that has yet to be unpacked.

Back in 2009, I was spending most of my time working. I was an accountant, I was working in a porno shop. I had very little time for Internet socialization because I was creating content all of the time. Having an amateur porno mini empire is a whole lot of work. You won’t hear me complain about it, but it is very time intensive. In 2009, I was fresh faced and ready to take on the world. In 2019, I’m a business lady doing business things and sitting in board rooms during the daylight hours managing people up and down the east coast of the United States.

Porno was definitely a more fun career, but managing people means that I get to use my Domme skills to get people to do what I want them to do. I’m honestly very lucky to find myself in the position that I’m in though. There’s a strange diacotamy about the way people the way people feel about hiring people who have done sex work and the how forcefully people will tell you to get out of sex work when you’re knee deep in it. It’s fucked.

In the Business Insider article linked below, you can read the story of a woman named Melissa Petro. She was a sex worker while she was in college and became a school teacher. When people discovered her past life, she was forced to quit and find a new career.

Melissa says that her time as a stripper prepared her for her kids and marriage though. She knew exactly what kind of partner she was looking for because she had encountered all. types. of. people. while she was working in the clubs. I completely agree with that. Dealing with people online jaded me and decreased my patience for bullshit.

In the next stage of her life, where she’s a wife and mother, she faces even more criticism. Are she and her husband raising their children “correctly”? Is there more that she could do to make her family’s lives easier? Does she have to fit into the stereotype of 100% all the time happy mom or the angry, falling apart, drunk on wine mom?

Nope…not at all.

There is life before, during and after sex work.

Her article ends with this:

Over a decade ago, I found the courage to face society’s misconceptions and talk openly about my experiences in the sex industry. These days, in spite of the risk I’ll be cast as a bad mother, I am honest about my experiences as a mother. But for my provocative history, I am in every way your typical wife and mom: relatively satisfied, grateful, #blessed … but also overworked and exhausted, burnt out, under constant surveillance, and yet utterly invisible, just as I felt when I sold sex.

I think that’s an amazingly insightful thought.

Here are the pictures that I decided to share on twitter to show the contrast between who I am now and who I was 10 years ago.

#2009vs2019 life's nice… No matter how much hair I have to how much clothing I'm wearing. pic.twitter.com/18CUGWIwko

— Alpha Harlot (@AlphaHarlot) November 21, 2019

Source: Business Insider

I’m definitely the same person in all four pictures…

Image: Diamond Foxxx in Strict Teacher by Brazzers

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Sex and Lies: Science!

Back before I met my wife, I was running all over New York and New Jersey to find partners to fuck. My main goal every morning was to have sex. How I accomplished that task was sometimes dishonest.

There are ways that you can convince men to have sex with you. It only took a few minutes of conversation with some very specific questions to figure out if I was interested in fucking the person I was talking to and how exactly I would make that happen. Sometimes, that how required me to lie in order to become who that person needed me to be in that moment.

When sex is laid out on a platter in front of you, sometimes dishonesty creeps into the picture. One of the reasons why I honestly feel like I ended up with my wife was because I never had to do that with her.

New research that has been led by the University of Rochester in New York and the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya in Israel reveals that the deceitfulness may actually be the norm. The paper is called Making the right first impression: Sexual priming encourages attitude change and self-presentation lies during encounters with potential partners and that basically sums up the research.

When we are trying to bang, we want to impress the people that we are spending our time with. That’s how you make the magic happen, right? You find someone that you click with and you crave being exactly what they need. We want to fit together like puzzle pieces and get together with like minded individuals as much as we possibly can. The way that you present yourself, your best self, to new companions is completely natural. Is it a lie if you invite someone over for the first time and your bed is completely made with new sheets? Are you the type of person that makes your bed every morning? While not actively lying, you are presenting something that is not completely honest.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying to be better in order to impress people when sex is involved. You can totally do it on your own, by being yourself, but if you need to embellish slightly to ensure that you end up knee deep in orgasms, I don’t see any harm in that.

What do you Peepz think about stretching the truth in order to hook up? Have you ever gotten fucked because you were dishonest? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter with your sexy stories.

Source: Medical News Today and The Journal of Experimental Psychology

Image: Madelyn Marie in Dirty Boss Caught by Brazzers

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Fap Along With Harlot: Bare Muff Munching

I’ve been talking to one of my snapchat/twitter friends for a little over a year. He hit me up last week asking for his own curated Fap Along with some girl-on-girl action. Since his preference is for no bush, I figured I’d incorporate that as well.

Are you Peepz ready to get down and dirty with me? I’ve pulled 5 clips from Pornhub and they’re waiting for us. Grab your favorite jizz towel and let’s start fapping!

You know what’s difficult? Standing up while you’re getting your pussy eaten. My knees buckle and it becomes hard for me to focus on both standing and enjoying the pleasure at the same time. This clip from Girls Gone Wild is an appetizer for the main event.

Jada Fire and Skin Diamond are fire when they fuck. This clip is a bit old school, so the quality isn’t up to the HD standards that we’re used to at this point but it’s so steamy that I had to share it with my favorite Peepz.

A curvy, tattooed, redhead MILF gets freaky with some pussy and makes sure that her fingers are covered in sticky lady jizz. I loved watching their tongues work each other to climax.

Getting rid of the bush can sometimes be fun too. This next clip features two hotties in a bath at a spa. The redhead is looking to get her bush shaved off after a breakup and the brunette is more than happy to oblige.

If I had to choose between cumming or cleaning the house, I’m going to choose cumming. Two Russian maids get tired of scrubbing fingerprints off glass and decide to occupy themselves in other, more intimate, ways.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. If you’d like a Fap Along of your very own, slide into my DMs on twitter or hit me up in the comments below!

Image: Alex Chance, Aubrey Addams and Noelle Easton in My Two Lesbian Lovers by Brazzers

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Library Says No Fisting

Little known Harlot fact (that you already know if you follow me on twitter): My wife and I both have a background in libraries. We read all the damn time and are completely fascinated in the inner workings of being public (and private) servants to knowledge. I got out of the field back in May and made the transition back into the for profit world, but we still spend many of our nights discussing library antics and policies.

One of her patrons tossed her an article last week about a library in Calgary that is having some issues. As part of their Femme Wave Festival, the Memorial Park Library invited two queer artists, Maddie Alexander and Morgan Sears-Williams, to exhibit their works. They called the collection, which has been shown in a handful of different cities, Femme4Femme.

When Morgan arrived at the library to set up the exhibition, they began talking to one of the librarians about the work. A poster called, “The Do’s and Don’ts of Fisting,” had the librarian turn on her heels to get the library director.

The library director explained that the poster displayed that the poster would not be allowed because it was “sexually explicit.” I’m going to mention that the poster did not include an image of anyone getting fisted…it was actually a Vintage Lesbian Pulp magazine cover that had safer sex tips popping up around it. One of these tips, “Wash your hands,” is probably the least offensive thing I’ve ever read.

The library director specifically took issue with the word fisting…as many puritanical people do. Since the rest of the art was OK, the director said that, if they removed,- “The Do’s and Don’ts of Fisting,” the show could go on as planned. Morgan and Maddie said, “No Dice,” and found a different venue for their exhibition.

October 21st is actually International Fisting Day. My wife and I celebrated as we always do. I wonder if this library mishap had happened literally two weeks earlier if the artists would have been able to get some international attention focused on their cause.

My wife and I have differing opinions on this story. She works in public libraries and can completely understand how parents would be outraged about explaining the act of fisting to their kids. I think that if the exhibition was put into a specific room and parents were told that the show contains some verbal sexual imagery, that it would be OK. Getting the message out to the LGBTQ youth is what’s important.

What do you Peepz think about fisting? Is it one of sexualities final frontiers or is it a kinky way to get stuffed? Let me know in the comments below, or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source: Buzzfeed

Image: Bonnie Rotten in The Age of Sexual Enlightenment by Brazzers

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Cornflakes Don’t Help You Masturbate

In today’s society, we don’t really consider masturbation that big of a deal. I mean sure, there’s unnecessary shame attached to the activity in some circles, but as far as sinning goes, masturbation is way better than things like murder.

Back in the days where Dr. John Harvey Kellogg (yes, that Kellogg) ruled the roost, things were different. The good doctor was super anti-sex.
He thought that sex clogged up your brain with thoughts that were impure and he only wanted the smarts up in there. He claimed to have never participated in any kind of masturbation in his life. The craziest thing to me was the fact that he never consummated his marriage.

Kellogg believed that all the tasty food that people eat was what contributed to carnal desires. The plainer your food, the less you want sex…probably because bland food sucks all of the life out of your soul.

Kellogg’s Corn Flakes is just about as bland as a cereal can get. He came up with the idea while he was working at Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan. He was the superintendent and his brother, John, was the bookkeeper. John thought that the flakes should have some sugar added to them, in order to actually be sold to the public. Dr. John was like, no mas, sugar is the devil’s work.

Honestly, when it comes to cereal, I’m a fan of the boxes that have very little sugar. There is obviously zero correlation between my love of boring cereals and the fact that I masturbate obsessively. Sugar doesn’t make you horny, being human makes you horny. Stamping down your sex drive can either be a blessing or a curse, but attempting to scientifically deny that it exists for every single person is a joke.

Your sex drive shouldn’t be defined by your breakfast. I’m going to emphatically state that you also shouldn’t deny yourself sex because you think it’s evil. All things in moderation…especially pleasure and cereal.

Did you Peepz know about Dr. Kellogg and his crazy thoughts on sexuality? I was totally floored. Chat me up about the sex myths you obsessed over before you knew better. You can either leave me a comment below or slide into my twitter DMs for some one on one convo.

Source: Mentalfloss

Image: Monique Alexander and Peta Jensen in Our New Maid Part 1 by Brazzers

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Don’t Fuck Olaf in Target? Ok, Deal.

Public masturbation is one of my favorite things to get away with. The thrill of sneaking my hand down into my panties to dittle with my clit while I’m at a stop light is what I live for. I’ve definitely gotten away with a whole lot of solo public sex acts in my day, but I’m always super careful because you can’t trust that everyone out in public is as perverted as we are.

A man in Pinellas, Florida was arrested the last week in October when he was snagged doing something dirty in the town’s Target. He went into the store in the middle of the afternoon and made a beeline for the toy section. The stuffies (not stiffies, mind you) happened to look rather appealing to the 20-year-old man, so he first opted for an Olaf doll.

In case you don’t obsessively watch Disney movies with your family like I am forced to, Olaf is a snowman in the movie Frozen. He’s goofy looking and I’m not exactly sure why he’d be appealing to a rogue masturbator, but when in Florida, do as the Floridians do!

After Cody Christopher Meader, a St. Petersburg, Florida resident, dry humped Olaf, he proceeded to splooge all over the plush and put him back on the shelf. He was still hungry for more of that soft, fluffy loving though, so he brought a huge unicorn down off the shelf, laid on top of it and then started doing the same thing.

Store employees had already alerted the police though, so they came in and stormed the castle before more jizz ended up on the poor, defenceless unicorn. He was obviously arrested and, at the time of me writing this post, he is being held in jail.

I can kind of understand the draw of fucking stuffed animals. Back in the day, I shot a video where my teddy bear was strapped up and it was definitely a blast to make. I just think that you should actually purchase the stuffies before you fuck them. And probably don’t blow your load all over products at Target as a general rule.

If you’re intrigued, here’s my Xtube clip from ten fucking years ago because I’m aging faster than fine wine.

Betty the Teddy Bear powered by XTube

The lesson to learn here is definitely that Florida men will do whatever it takes to get their rocks off…so hide your Olafs and hide your unicorns. Now that this news story is being reported on, it may become a trend.

Source: Orlando Sentinel

Image: Cali Carter in Store Whore Credit by Brazzers

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Suzanne Somers and Sex Shots

I had to fact check something in this story a few times because I couldn’t believe that it was true. Suzanne Somers, who starred in everything from Infomercials and Threes Company, is 73-years-old. That shocked me, mostly because I remember how hot my dad was for her back in the day. They share a birthday, so I think that may have been the original draw. I feel like my dad will always be 43, even though I’m nearing 40 myself. It’s an issue with the perception of time, I guess.

Anyway, Suzanne Somers has been married to her husband, Alan Hamel, since 1977. They met on a television set back in the day and have basically been head over heels in love with each other ever since. When you’re with the same person for that long though, sometimes the romance and the sexual side of your relationship can fizzle out.

Not if this seventy-something bombshell blonde has anything to do with it.

In a recent interview, Suzanne admitted that she and her husband get shots of a natural supplement called PT-141 in order to maintain their libido. She says that the shots work so effectively that they are banging two times a day, just like they used to when they were younger.

She’s really living the dream, my Peepz.

Back when my wife and I first got together, we were only able to see each other on the weekends. We would spend most of Saturday doing fun stuff, like going to festivals and picnicking in parks. By the time that Saturday night rolled around, we were all over each other until the wee hours of the morning. I think that it was because we felt like we had less than 48 hours a week, so we felt like we had to make the best of it.

We’ve been married for over two years now, and we are still very much attracted to each other. We are not fucking twice a day though. Life gets the better of us most days and, by the time that we collapse into bed, we’re totally spent. I’m certainly not complaining about our sex life, two times a day would be ideal…but when your mornings are crowded with dog walking and lunch packing and showering to get ready, making time for an orgasm before work is the last thing on our minds.

We’re working on changing that though. After the article that I wrote last week about Morning Sex vs. Evening Sex, my twitter mentions blew up with people who were all about getting it on first thing in the morning. That really surprised me so much that I felt like I had to have a conversation with my wife to get some of her feelings on the situation.

Because our December is going to be so hectic, we’ve decided to try banging in the morning once a week when the month rolls around so that we can be sure to take the time to touch each other at least then. Who knows, maybe we’ll work each other up so much that our sex life will get back on track to rivaling Suzanne and her hubby.

What do you Peepz think about getting a shot to pump up your sex life? Have you ever tried Viagra or any other drugs like that to help you fuck? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter with your stories.

Source: PopCulture

Image: Layla London and Raylin Ann in Three’s Cum-pany

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Fap Along With Harlot: Thick and Juicy

Thick women spent a lot of the last few decades hiding in the shadows of porn in a fetish niche. As curvy ladies invade the mainstream media, folks are realizing that there is zero shame in anyone’s body shape. I love this renaissance and am all about spreading body positivity wherever I can.

This week, you and I are going to get off together to come BBW clips featuring hotties of all sizes. I suggest that you get your favorite bottle of lube and your jizz towel ready….because we are about to make a mess of ourselves.

You Peepz ready? Let’s fap!

I love pussy eating that is loud. When you’re sucking on a clit, everyone in the room should know about it. In this first clip with curvy ladies, Lisa Rivera gets it in and shows the world how much she worships pussy. I needed to start this list off with a bang and that’s exactly what she does.

Holly Jade and her 38DDD’s get rocked in this next clip. She shows off all of her best angles to the camera and makes sure that we get to see all the pink we can handle. I love her dirty talking and how coy she is about how amazing the dick in her pussy feels.

Sweet faced brunette, Karla Lane, knows exactly what kind of pleasure she’s looking for. She loves a sweet, passionate bit of fucking, but she’s dirty enough to get her ass spanked while she’s getting her back banged out from behind.

The hot momma in this next clip is looking for some cock to shove down her throat. Her heels are high and her tits are massive, so there’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll be back for seconds.

The voluptuous babe in this last clip has never had a three way before but that all changes as soon as she sets eyes on the two huge cocks that are about to split her pussy wide open.

That’s all for this week, Peepz. If you’re hungry for more, you can always leave me a comment down below or slide into my DMs on twitter if you want a Fap Along of your very own.

Image: Tasha Holz in Working Hard by Brazzers

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Morning Sex or Night Sex?

One of my ex’s never wanted to fuck at night. When the day was winding down, all he wanted to do was turn off the lights and go the fuck to sleep. I never minded fucking in the morning, but it was never my go to.

Masturbation is a different story though.

There is no better way to invigorate my soul and get me ready for the day than hitting the snooze button on my alarm so that I can spend 10 glorious minutes circling my clit with a vibrator in preparation for an orgasm. As much as I love having sex with a partner, I’m looking for a quick in and out in the AM. All I want is to hit the right spot and get on with my day glowing.

Think about it…all that stress of the day that hasn’t even started yet being released into the atmosphere and beginning completely fresh.

Biologically, morning sex also makes sense. Morning wood is 100% a real thing, whether you’re a penis having person or a vagina having person. I’ve woken up from plenty of intense sex dreams with my pussy completely soaked and sticky. Sometimes my clit is throbbing so hard that I can’t even be bothered to turn off my alarm. A few times it has literally only taken one flick of my clit in order for me to explode. My sex dreams get pretty fucking intense.

Sex makes us happy, right? So wouldn’t you want to start out a really tough day by making yourself feel good? We’re at our best in the morning, even if you aren’t necessarily a morning person. Your mind is totally clear and able to focus on whatever you want to…like porno and an orgasm. While I don’t get off every single morning, if I had a rough day prior, I always try to start off the next day on the right foot.

I can come up with a million and one excuses to ride the waves of an orgasm at any point in my day, if I’m being honest. Stress relief is important to me and that’s the easiest way for me to take a break from my brain.

So I put the question to you, my Peepz. Do you like fucking in the morning or sexing it up at night? Does it matter if you’re solo or with someone else? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source: Refinery 29

Image: Janet Mason in Stepmom Loves Morning Wood by Brazzers

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T.I. Uses a Gyno to Creep Out the Internet

The hip-hop artist T.I. is such a controlling father that he makes his 18-year-old daughter Deyjah Harris go to the gynecologist in order to make sure that her hymen is in tact. He spoke with Nazanin Mandi and Nadia Moham on their podcast, Ladies Like Us and revealed the disturbing tidbit about his life. As soon as the info hit the Internet, twitter went crazy, the infamous episode was pulled and now the hosts of the show are apologizing.

The hosts uncomfortably laughed when T.I. said that he not only talks to his daughter about sex, but that he goes to the gyno and has her sign papers so that the doctor can share information with him.

Ummm…fuck him, Peepz…And fuck them too for laughing about it.

I’m so fucking furious about this news that I stopped binging his show Hustle and Flow dead in my tracks the moment that the information crossed my timeline.

Nazanin and Nadia released this statement on their Instagram regarding the incident.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Nazanin Mandi Pimentel (@nazaninmandi) on Nov 7, 2019 at 7:39am PST

Ok fine…they apologized, but how did you not realize that it wasn’t OK for him to say that? How did you uncomfortably laugh off such an obviously controlling situation? One of the women joked, “She’s a prisoner!” right after the revelation and I’m like, “If you had enough sense to realize that seconds after he made the comment, I feel like you should have stopped with the jokes and put him in his place,” for real.

There are a million and one ways that a hymen can be broken that do not involve sex. It’s a flimsy bit of tissue inside the body that has no use once vagina having people are out of diapers. Mine broke when I hopped a fence when I was 13…and I didn’t start fucking until I was 18.

I hope that T.I.’s daughter is enjoying her first semester of college and that she doesn’t end up catching too much shit from her dad’s controlling behavior. Now that she’s out from under his thumb and away at school, hopefully she’ll be able to spread her wings and fly.

What do you Peepz think about this situation? Do you think T.I. is out of his mind (that’s the right answer, btw) or do you condone his controlling behavior? Chat me up in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source: Buzzfeed

Image: Deyjah Harris’ Instagram

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Vacation Sex Ethics

Our friend’s sister has fallen in love with the Dominican Republic. She first vacationed there 4 years ago and has been making excuses to go back every six months or so. No one ever questioned why she kept traveling to the same place, other than the fact that she’s 22 with no responsibilities other than rent and she wanted to have a good time.

As it turns out, while she was falling in love with the laid back, party lifestyle, she was also falling in love with the sex that she was having with some guy.

And that guy was giving her cream pies left and right.

And now our friend’s sister is 5 months pregnant with that guy’s baby.

At first he was saying that he was going to move to Jersey and they would get married, etc. She quickly realized that this wasn’t going to happen and fastened her seat belt for a one way trip back to reality.

Fucking people on vacation can be very tricky business.

I’ve gone on a few vacations strictly for kinky situations. Traveling for sex used to be one of my favorite hobbies. When you can meet up with people from all corners of the globe and gain intimate knowledge of their naughty bits, it can be intoxicating. You don’t need to fall in love or have babies…sometimes it’s all about having a good time with the people that you meet on the Internet…or just randos that you meet up with at the club on any given night.

Consent is obviously a huge part of fucking…and when you’re fucking strangers that you will probably never see again, being totally clear about the terms of the sexual encounter is important. You don’t want to step on toes or make anyone feel uncomfortable. It is 100% possible to have the time of your life while you’re naked and consentually fucking strangers. Practicing safer sex and keeping communication consistent is definitely the way to go.

As much as I feel bad for our friend’s sister and her situation, she’s making the best of it and can’t wait to be a mom. I wonder if she’ll ever visit DR again or if she’s just going to move on with her life and blaze her own path.

Have you Peepz ever gone on vacation specifically to fuck? Are you into fucking strangers while you’re sipping umbrella drinks or would you rather get to know a person before you hop into their bits? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter with all the sordid details.

Source: VICE

Image: Kortney Kane in Vacation Persuasion by Brazzers

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Caught: Cum in the Air

What is the shortest amount of time that you have known a person before fucking them? I’ve been thinking about that question for awhile, and I think that my record is 15 minutes.

It was New Year’s Eve and I was at a bar with the girls I was sharing an apartment with. I went outside to smoke a cigarette (yes, this happened that long ago) and called up one of the guys that I was seeing. The guy I was on the phone with was pissed off that I was drunk and out without him so he picked a fight with me. I’m pretty sure I announced to him that I was going to go fuck some guy at the bar before I hung up on him. There was another guy prowling around outside smoking so he swooped in and saw his chance to get his rocks off.

It was fun. The only thing that rubbed me the wrong way was that the guy with the jeep whose cum was down my throat actually had a girlfriend inside the bar. Whatever though. It wouldn’t be the first time I fucked a guy that was otherwise involved.

A couple in Russia met in the airport and realized that they were taking the same flight. Romance and impulse got the best of them and they decided to create their own in flight entertainment. The people sitting around them started filming the encounter and informed the flight attendants that there was an issue. From the looks of it, the guy was probably drunk.

Listen, I’m all for joining the mile high club and getting down and dirty with people you just met. Being discrete is key to that though. You can’t just pull your dick out in the middle of a plane and let some woman jerk you off. People are going to complain about that…and that’s how you get arrested. Find a bathroom, or even a blanket, to tide you over until you figure out a way to get horizontal.

Have any of you Peepz ever had sex on a plane? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Source: The Sun

Image: Lily Lovely in Tits on a Plane by Brazzers

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Mom Sues Daughter for Bed Damage

I’ve done my fare share of house sitting for relatives. There’s tons of video evidence of how much fun I have when I’m given a hot tub and a dimly lit backyard. I love the rush of masturbating in places where I’m not necessarily supposed to.

Even I have my limits though. I never brought complete stranger’s back to the houses that I was watching and I never fucked in the master bedrooms. Couches, guest rooms, kitchens and bathrooms were totally up for grabs…not to mention anything outdoors. My thinking was always that I didn’t want to have to account for any “mystery stains” that ended up on any of the furniture.

Not everyone has the same boundaries as I do though. Recently, a court television show in in Australia called “Trial by Kyle,” featured a mother suing her daughter for breaking her bed while she was house sitting.

Nicole, the mom in this situation, decided to go on vacation with her partner. She left her daughter Rhiannon in charge of watering the plants, taking in the mail and doing all of the other stuff that house sitters are supposed to do. While she was away though, her daughter had a bit of a romp in her mom’s bed and broke the entire thing. When Nicole returned to her house, the two got into an argument about the broken bed and decided to sue her daughter for damages in the amount of $2099 to replace the bed.

The judge went hard on Rhiannon and chastised her for doing the deed in her mom’s bed. She countered by insinuating that she had heard her mom banging in a freaky fashion on more than one occasion. Honestly, I feel like this is a case of, “You broke it, you bought it.”

Having a healthy sex life is important, and should be commended…but if you’re going to start swinging from the chandlers when you’re fucking in a home that isn’t yours, you better get a good cover story together or accept responsibility for your actions.

How do you Peepz feel about this situation? If someone was house sitting for you and broke your bed, would you confront them about the property damage or would you let it go?

Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Image: Gia Page in Bed Head by Brazzers

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Fap Along with Harlot: Tenia Trump’s Pussy

I was hanging out with some of my girls last night and we started talking about porn. The Exxxotica Convention is coming to the Dirty Jerz very soon and I was trying to convince some of them to tag along with me. I asked them, “What do you think your Pornstar name would be?”

Totally out of left field, my friend Tenia says, “Tenia Trump! Cause my pussy could make America great again,”

“There’s already someone that uses that name! You can’t

First clip is going to hit you hard. Tenia plays on camera for Bang Bros and comes across as sweet as pie. She’s plays around with her male co-star before they start getting down to business. When it’s time to fuck though? She goes all out.

This next clip opens up with Tenia driving around in the passenger seat of a sleek black car. She takes off her top and lets her air blow in the wind while her driver takes the wheel. There’s a whole bunch of BBC in this clip, but it was the intro that snagged me.

Looking pretty in pink, Tenia teases us all before she heads to the couch to have some fun with a glass dildo. Once her pussy is ready for some cock, she goes for a ride and gets her pretty mug slimmed with cum.

When you get grounded because you got caught sucking cock, the only recourse is to seduce the guy doing the yard work obviously. Tenia heads over to her window and starts feeling up her own tits to entice the guy with the rake.

Skin Diamond teams up with Tenia in this last clip for PervCity. It’s hotness personified. The two goddesses of fuck share some dick and get as freaky as they want. I definitely saved the best for last, Peepz. Wait till you get a load of this blowjob. There are cum bubbles galore.

That’s all for this week! I hope that you’ve enjoyed yourself as much as I have. I’ll catch up with you all next week, but if you want a Fap Along of your very own in the meantime, hit up up in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter.

Image: Tenia Trump in Look Who’s Cumming for Dinner by Brazzers

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Billboard Features Banging

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever seen while you were driving home from work? A few jobs ago, I worked in an office that was near Giant’s Stadium. When the circus was in town, they closed down all the roads to cars so that the elephants and horses could ride though the streets.

That happened before cell phone cameras were really a thing, so I didn’t get any pictures, but it was still pretty cool.

Commuters in Michigan one-up’d my story by witnessing a digital billboard playing a lesbian porno on I-75 in Auburn Hills, Michigan. The clip started playing around 11pm at night, so there wasn’t as much traffic as there would have been if it had played during rush hour, but it’s still a crazy story to tell your friends about.

Here’s a clip from a news story about the event:

People must have been swerving all over the place. I can’t imagine what I would do if I was face to face with pussy licking while I was driving. It’s the shock of it, you know? I’m a pretty cool customer when it comes to porno in my every day life. I’ll sit on the couch while my wife and her friends are watching football and I’ll put together a Fap Along with no issue. But experiencing porno out in the wild is something that you don’t expect at all.

What would you Peepz have done if you saw the video while you were driving? Reporters are saying that it was only on for about 20 minutes. Would that have been enough time for you to pull over to the side of the road and relieve yourself a little bit before heading to your next destination? Or would you have played it safe and just kept driving without a pit stop?

Let me know in the comments below or get in touch with me on twitter. I’m super curious to hear your stories.

Source: People

Image: Scarlet Red in Crime Pays in Pussy by Brazzers

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Male Sex Doll Innovations

One of the coolest things about living in a society that is becoming more sexually open every day, is that people are innovating pleasure all over the place. If you’re the type of person that likes toys, there are literally millions of choice out there. Technology drives the need for innovation through the roof so reputable sex toy companies are always looking for the newest design.

Sex dolls have been keeping with the progression of the industry. Blow up dolls and sex dolls are two complete different things though, let’s not get it twisted. When I talk about blow up dolls, I mean the sex toys that you literally have to blow up. Most of them are made out of the same material as beach balls. I’m not judging anyone with a beach ball fetish or anything, but it’s an uncomfortable material to fuck, IMHO. Also, the seams of those things are super scratchy.

Want to know how I know that? Let’s have a little look at an Xtube video I made nearly a decade ago.

This is only a 15 second preview…if you click the title, it will bring you onto Xtube where you can watch the whole thing.

Banging my Doll powered by XTube

Also, I miss my long hair.

ANYWAY…

Sex doll brothels are a thing now and more patrons are asking for male toys to be available as well as the female ones that everyone is used to seeing. Manufacturers of the toys have stepped up to the plate and are churning out more high quality dolls with dicks. What people don’t realize though, is that thrust is part of the reason why fucking a cock is so good. When you have a penis attached to a 130 pound inanimate object, it’s hard to keep the motion flowing.

Like in that video, at one point, I’m trying as hard as I can to fuck the balloon dick, but it’s not doing anything for me. I stuff everything inside, grind a little bit…but there is nothing thrusting back at me.

Heavier dolls mean greater risk for gravity to take over too. If the doll isn’t tied to anything, and you’re in any position other than cowgirl, you’re running the risk of the toy falling on top of you. That -ish is heavy, my Peepz. Real dolls are real heavy. Trust me.

I want to know your thoughts! Would you be into fucking a sex doll or have you had any prior experiences with blow up toys? Let me know in the comments below or slide into my DMs on twitter with all the sordid details!

Source: New York Post

Image: Put it in Coach by Brazzers

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