Confessions time, Peepz. I had a quarantine romance. Please note the past tense. It was some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life but it’s over now and that’s OK. I tweeted earlier this week that red flags are still red flags, even if they are decorated with glitter.
One of the good things that came out of my short lived sexcapade was the fact that she gave me an amazing treasure. While she was going through some boxes of crap at her parent’s place last week, she came across an Evelyn Rainbird Catalog from 1976. This catalog is filled with some vintage pervert gold.
From what I can gather, Evelyn Rainbird Ltd was an erotic toy distributor out of New York and New Jersey in the 1970s. The company sold everything from socks for your dick to classy gold and silver jewelry pieces with a slightly perverse twist. The catalog sells everything that you would expect a sexual aid company to sell…only with a lot more bush.
Right from jump, you know you’re in for more pubic hair than you are used to seeing. The cover of this catalog features a nude model wearing a sheer nightgown with all of her glorious bush exposed to the masses. Can we bring back bush like that? I’m totally here for it. There’s nothing that makes me happier than discovering that a new lover keeps their hair long.
That’s an epic way to start off this adventure, don’t you think? The picture makes a bold statement about the fact that this catalogue is going to have a little something for everyone’s kinky side, especially if they are bold enough to turn all the pages.
Buying pornographic films via catalog is an ancient pass time that I only had the need to partake in for a year or two. Once I got acclimated with the folks at my friendly neighborhood video store, I was no longer ashamed to park my car out front of the shop so that I could browse. Even so, it seems that people’s tastes don’t always deviate too much…except when it comes to Super 8 film.
Cock cages and contraptions like pumps and strap-on devices have been around for hundreds of years. One thing that is glaringly obvious about the toys on this page is that people are way more concerned about comfort now than they used to be. The rough edges on that pocket pussy make my fingers chafe just thinking about it.
The flappy dick faux leather codpiece in this next shot makes me thankful for technology. Fitting a curved dick into that duckbill looking pocket was probably a feat of nature. Can we discuss how someone properly cleans something like that? Seems like a germy cesspool waiting to happen.
More BDSM fun for the ladies? I love a good set of ties, though that garter belt seems like it needs to be broken in for a few more days before you try to wear it to a party. Scratchy, hard leather clothing is the worst. Also, I stan that bush.
Throughout the catalog there are pinup style cheesecake images of hot women in compromising positions with flowery quotes. This is one of my favorites because you can just make out the fuzzy muff of hair, but I also want to scream at the woman in the picture, “PLEASE DO NOT PUT THAT PENIS SHAPED SOAP INSIDE YOUR BODY IN ANY HOLE! IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOUR BODY’S PH!” Instead though, I’ll just let you Peepz know that vaginas are self-cleaning body parts of wonderment and you really shouldn’t be touching them with soap…just water.
I could literally show you every single page from this catalog but I’ll save some of the goodies for myself and people who get to see me in person. If my newest ex asks for it back, I’ll definitely drop it into the mail for her, but otherwise this treasure is straight up being treasured for as long as I have it in my posession.
Images: Evelyn Rainbird Catalogue 1976 photographed by Pat Hill
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