The saga of Craigslist chair is over. I got annoyed seeing it out there all the time, so I put it on the sidewalk and it disappeared. Some innocent person will now have to deal with the mutant smell, not me! Sadly enough, I didn’t learn my lesson. I bought a classic la-z-boy at an antique shop for 100$ and when I got it home I realized that it wouldn’t fully recline. What’s the point of a la-z-boy that won’t recline? I’m cursed I tell you. Cursed.
“Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration. We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.”
According to the letter, the points contained in said report include:
– Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello)
– How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves
– Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration
– How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants)
I AM CRYING !! This is BY FAR the best response to dick pics I have ever read.
Thank you Sarah-Louise Jordan. http://pic.twitter.com/wvE7MABMAz— Maelle & Diction (@maellevie) October 23, 2016
As far as rejection letters go that’s a pretty good one. Also, I think everyone could benefit from a rough guide to pants.
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When Pseudosex Is Better Than the Real Thing (Nautilus)
Sex is far from a perfect way to reproduce. It imposes a huge cost on a species, and that cost is called “males.” If roughly 50 percent of a species is made up of males who are incapable of producing babies, it is at a serious reproductive disadvantage relative to another species made up mostly of females capable of reproducing on their own.
And an animal that reproduces by herself has a big advantage when moving into new territory, because she doesn’t need a partner to be fruitful and multiply. Every single one of her babies will also produce its own offspring. Sexual reproduction “seems like a simple thing, but from an evolutionary perspective, it’s so inefficient,” says Rob Denton, who studies unisexual salamanders at Ohio State University. “It’d be so much easier if everyone were female.”
Agreed. Muhahahahaha.
Anna Tyler, a 22-year-old with blond hair and blunt-cut bangs, is an adult actress with an unusual skill: She has perfected her death stare. Several times now, Tyler has performed in what you might call faux snuff porn. She has writhed as though being strangled, laid naked covered in fake blood, and kept her eyes unblinking while a co-star had sex with her — all for the enjoyment of those with erotic death fantasies.
As dark as these scenes may sound, Tyler says the mood on set is surprisingly lighthearted. “When the camera’s off it’s just really campy. The P.A. will come and wipe blood off my belly and we’ll just be, like, hanging out,” she said. “It’s a much different environment than what you actually see. It’s like, ‘What are we gonna get for lunch?’ in between scenes.” In one scenario, she pretended to be kidnapped and strangled to death. “It was really fun to be able to act that out and get in touch with my inner scream queen,” she said with a laugh.
I was ready to be freaked out by this post, but turns out fake death porn isn’t as gruesome as I thought it would be. Okay, some of it is pretty macabre, but there’s a world of difference between a fetish and the real thing and this article makes that abundantly clear. Definitely an interesting read.
Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd
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