I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that sports can be very effective in bridging the gap between cultures, between nations, and even between openly declared enemies. Somehow, for as much as the competitive nature of sports encourages an ‘Us vs. Them’ mentality in viewers and fans, it also unites us in a very real way, bringing to light a shared passion for the activity at issue, be it pairs bobsledding, individual speed skating, women’s ice hockey or men’s downhill beer-pong.
Sports aren’t alone in this ability to transcend points of division between people, of course. Music is another nearly universal human pursuit that crosses all borders, as is the enjoyment of good food. (Anything that can permit an unrestrained, verbose blowhard like Anthony Bourdain to easily relate to earthy Lebanese shopkeepers has to have some sort of special unifying property, after all….)
Strange as it may sound, it strikes me that porn might have the same sort of culturally transcendent potential that sports, music and food offer, rooted in its similarly broad appeal. Of course, there aren’t too many sports that are patently illegal across broad swaths of the planet, and most music (even Miley Cyrus’) isn’t considered automatically debasing and dehumanizing by a hefty percentage of the population, but those obstacles can be overcome through application of a carefully crafted approach to what I call “The Great Porn Unification.”
One reason why sports, food and music have been so successful in bringing people together is that all three forms lend themselves to acts of merging, intermingling and mutual influencing. Take something like “Asian fusion” for example: by combining the flavors of various Asian cultures with a presentation that’s uniquely and obnoxiously American, epicurean alchemists have managed to create something that nobody truly likes, but will sit down in groups to consume together, anyway. It’s the same way with the so-called “jazz fusion” musical genre; by applying the raw energy and whimsical fashion sense of rock music to the complex, mildly nauseating improvisatory interplay of jazz, fusion musicians have managed to be almost entirely ignored by audiences of both rock and jazz.
(Related Side Note: Do you know the difference between a “pop” musician and a “jazz” musician? Pop musicians know four chords that they play to thousands of people; jazz musicians know thousands of chords that they play to four people. The More You Know….)
So how can The Great Porn Unification movement accomplish the same sort of unifying, galvanizing effect on a diverse, global audience? Through the tried and true method of fusing styles and blurring distinctions, naturally!
Imagine, for example, a new adult entertainment genre called “Southern Fried Anime.” The basic idea is to take the cartoon aesthetic and wild-fantasy elements of Japanese hentai and inject within it the sensibilities and style of the Old South – call it perhaps Gone With the Wind meets Guyver Out of Control. (“Frankly my dear…. I think you should make that octopus wear condoms on every tentacle.”)
In this intrepid new form of ‘cultural mash-up porn,’ the most important part will be to establish acceptance across both markets – which might require a bit of regionally-specific editing and adjusting of individual works at times. For example, sticking with the Southern Fried Anime example, within the American south, we’d want to change the spelling of “Anime” to “Anna May” to make it more cracker-friendly, while in the Japanese market, the main characters of the story would be depicted consuming sushi and miso nikomi udon instead of gnoshing on collard greens and cornbread.
Of course, a hentai hybrid that plays well in both Tokyo and Tallahassee is just one of many potential international porn pairings. One can easily see the cross-Atlantic appeal of seeing Rocco Siffredi plunge his German sausage between Sativa Rose’s Mexican bigote buns, so to speak, or having certain (possibly mythical) genres of German porn rendered more palatable to an international audience by having the performers feast on what they find between Katsuni’s legs instead of each other’s flesh….
You get the point. I’m sure there are many better ideas along these lines that can be dreamed up and brought to fruition, but that’s not my department. I’m just the Idea Girl. I’ll leave the actual execution to the same experts who brought us such delights as the kosher porn groundbreaker Assraelis and oh-so-culturally-sensitive titles like Chicks and Salsa or the Asian bondage classic Slope on a Rope.
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