Thank you Florida for always making the headlines. I really appreciate the way you keep the degenerates coming. I am both entertained and appalled, which oddly enough is a great combo, especially when I’m trying to distract myself from all the anger I’m feeling towards stupid trolls (not the kind that live under bridges, the kind that live to make your life miserable in comment threads).
Maybe I should try masturbating, that always calms me down. It always makes me feel better. I thought orgasms had the same effect on everyone, but apparently it can lead some people to vandalism.
At least that’s what William Thomas, 25, told cops when he was arrested after going on a vandalism spree. Thomas who was shirtless and covered in dirt at the time of his arrest claimed his spree was the result of too much music and too much masturbation.
I kid you not, the guy literally said that he had “listened to too much music and masturbated too much and he felt like going out and destroying stuff.”
Oh boy, you mean to tell me the Dad in Footloose was right, rock n’ roll music really is obscene? I tell ya, you gotta watch out for so many things these days. Pretty much everything causes cancer and if you’re not careful you might listen to the wrong song and end-up in jail.
Lay off the fapping for a while if you don’t want to end up like Thomas here, who’s facing felony burglary and criminal mischief charges for causing more than $2000 worth of damages to the home of Davor Jerkovic in Clearwater, Florida. It’s unclear why Thomas targeted Jerkovic’s home, but sources say he may have been a real jerk.
Via thesmokinggun.com – Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd
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