Top 5: Songs About Chicks Flicking The Bean & Getting Off!

Music is cool. Women are cool. Masturbation is cool. Women singing about women masturbating is super cool. Cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cool. Cool. Cool, cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cool. Cool, cool. Cool? Cool.*

Abed agrees. And that’s all the approval I need.

5. Britney Spears – “Touch Of My Hand”

‘Cause I just discovered, Imagination’s taking over, Another day without a lover, The more I come to understand, The touch of my hand…

“Touch of my Hand” was the first track on Britney’s post-Justin album In The Zone. Girl got sexy back.

4. Tweet feat. Missy Elliott – “Oops (Oh My)”

I was looking so good I couldn’t reject myself. I was feeling so good I had to touch myself…

I know the feeling.

3. Pink – “Fingers”

I’m alone now, Staring at the ceiling… When it’s late at night and you’re fast asleep, I let my fingers do the walking… ’cause I need more than you are gonna give.

Why didn’t she pull those magic fingers out when they were together… not sure why she waits till after.

2. Cyndi Lauper – “She-Bop”

I see ’em every night in tight blue jeans, in the pages of a blue boy magazine. I’ve been thinking of a new sensation, I’m picking up… good vibrations…

You know, I don’t think I ever realized this song was about flicking the bean.

1. Nicki Minaj & Beyonce – “Feeling Myself”

Back off, cause I”m feelin’ myself, jack off

Right, so this track is explicitly sexual, but it’s really about feeling good about yourself, you know, getting dressed up and feeling fly. So, I don’t know… I like it.

Bonus: The Divinlys – “I Touch Myself”

I don’t want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself…

This one is so obvious it hurts, but that’s why it’s a classic.

*Cool looses all meaning pretty damn quick when you say it that many times in a row.

Follow Lola Byrd on Twitter @misslolabyrd

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