Having Your Cake and Sitting On It, Too

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the award-winning porn site for women & couples. With over 18 years’ experience under her belt, writing about and for the adult entertainment industry, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

When I first started working in the adult industry around 20 years ago, I came in almost entirely ignorant of the vast scope of what qualifies as “porn.”

As someone first introduced to the form in the late 80’s, to me porn was something involving extreme mustaches, bad funk music and really big hair. It wasn’t until I started digitizing a wide variety of content for my first ‘porn job’ that I realized just how enormous and varied was the Porn Universe. (This was long before the launch of sites like Clips4Sale, where the tremendous breadth of porn’s ‘kink continuum’ can be observed at a glance.)

Back then, I was pretty easy to shock. Some of the videos I babysat through the encoding process depicted things so far beyond anything I’d ever imagined as sexual practices, I couldn’t fathom the idea of anyone actually enjoying them. I figured these people must be doing it entirely for the money – even when I wasn’t sure there was a viable commercial market for what I was seeing.

Oh How Things Change

Of course, two decades and countless prurient pixels later, just about nothing in (legit/adult) porn raises an eyebrow for me. Two penises crammed inside the same butthole? It’s a depiction which once turned my stomach; now when it’s on screen, it doesn’t even turn my head.

So, while I can certainly join everybody in having a good belly laugh over the news of Father George Passias making cake-sitting fetish videos with the principal of a parochial school, I can’t say I’m shocked, or even a little surprised, to hear it.

After all, if there’s one thing all these years in the porn industry has taught me, it’s that being “weird,” sexually speaking, is actually very, very normal.

Now, to be clear, when I use the word “normal” in this context, I’m not saying a priest making cake-sitting videos isn’t unusual in the sense of being uncommon, statistically.

I’m just saying in the grand scheme of aberrant sexual practices undertaken by men of the cloth, shooting cake-sitting videos with a school principal probably doesn’t even make the Casey Kasem Top 100 of Perverse Priest Porn. We may note have found out (or maybe that should be haven’t found out yet) about dozens of other examples, but, trust me, they’re out there, somewhere.

Who Knew? Priests Are People, Too

While I totally understand why folks take such delight in guys like Father Passias being brought down a moralistic peg or two when their not-so-priestly sexual proclivities meet the light of day, because of the manifest hypocrisy of an Orthodox Priest not only making fetish videos, but cheating on his wife at the same time, I still find myself feeling a bit sorry for both Passias and Ethel Bouzalas (the school principal and cake-sitter).

Yes, they were cheating on their spouses (who, for the record, I definitely feel way sorrier for than those who stepped out on them) and yes, there’s lots of scripture to which these two people both profess to adhere which explicitly prohibits adultery – and, presumably, implicitly disallows cake-sitting, too.

At the end of the day, though, cheating on your spouse is nothing unusual. Whether we like it or not, condone or not, it’s undeniably something a great many people do.

These days, a lot of people also record on video their extramarital trysts, which means in the years to come, stories like this one are bound to be fairly common – but you can bet the bottom dollar in the St. Spyridon Church collection plate similar stories involving people who aren’t priests will get a whole lot less ink.

That’s the really the whole extent of my sympathy here; knowing the relentlessness of internet culture, it’s likely these two people will be immortalized in meme form over indiscretions which, at one point in human history, likely wouldn’t have become public knowledge at all.

As a silver lining, though, Passias and Bouzalas have given the rest of us a great comic gift, a few moments of mirth at their expense to brighten up our week.

If only the nature of their shared fetish were a little different, I could refer to this act of generosity in Biblical terms – “turning watersports into wine,” as it were.

Photo Credit: Wasteland.com

Calico Rudasil is a Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen) columnist and Sssh will be on Peeperz for fun times again in the near future, meanwhile why not check us out:

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