One of the best things I ever got for free was the Fleshlight that came with the Vstroker system I reviewed years ago. That thing was like a dependable friend that was always there when I needed it, but safely tucked away when I didn’t. It wasn’t something I used every day but when I did use it I beat the shit out of it.
By the time I retired it the front of the business end looked like the tennis ball on the end of an old person’s walker. So sad, so sad.
While getting over the sexual safety net I had given up was a challenge, not having to worry about someone finding it was almost worth ripping the emotional band aid off. Coming home alone after an unsuccessful date and having to masturbate like a caveman wasn’t ideal, but being able to have my family over without worrying about someone opening a random drawer and finding my well used rubber vagina was a relief.
That’s the terror one man felt when his religious mother found a sex toy stuck to the wall of a shower and turned to Twitter to find out what it was. She was quickly flooded with crude explanations of what a man would do with a rubber butthole in a tube, much to her dismay.
Last month a staunch conservative Christian, and devoted wife and mother named Patty Parsons tweeted:
CJ is the only on to use the downstairs bathroom and I went down to clean and seen this anyone know what it is http://pic.twitter.com/Tmb4jJiM3z
— Patty Parsons (@PattyParsonsPat) November 22, 2015
Twitter users quickly identified the product as a Fleshjack, a version of the internet’s most popular male sex toy that’s marketed towards gay men. Patty quickly dismissed these claims and stated neither her husband nor her son would use such a product.
After maintaining her family’s innocence and arguing with twitter about what a Fleshjack is, she finally confronted her son, CJ, and returned with the following explination: “Well CJ said that flashlight masterbater was his buddy and its out of this house. Buddy aint aloud over for thanksgiving.”
Works for me!
Let’s be honest. There’s a 70 percent chance this is a gag account. Still, the exchange was funny and a reminder that there are still some good people out there who will help a confused mother identify the nature of random sex toys she finds stuck the wall of her shower.
Image: Sarah Jessie in My Stepmom’s New Boobs by Brazzers
Via express.co.uk
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